Writing Feedback / "Choosing between a house and a business" - TOEFL Essay [4]

Please help me correct the grammar and usage of this TOEFL essay. These are just the developmental paragraphs. I have not written the introductory & concluding. Thank you so much!

Topic: "You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice."

Purchasing a business
First and foremost, what I put in my priority is reasonable investment. Clearly, being a business investor cost us nothing. When we buy a company, we risk our money without knowing that if it is profitable or not. But there are insurance companies. These company insure our money, and if we lose any, they are certain to give it back to us. Thus doing this is safe. Furthermore, investing in a business creates chance for us to accumulate wealth. Today, in a world where the marketplaces are highly dynamic, new products and effective services are always in demand. If we find good and creative ideas, the business will be likely to be successful. And with a well-mannered orientation, it is possible for a business to make large profit. With no doubt, this purchase is justifiable.

In the second place, self-perfection is what I put my priority in. It is widely known that being an entrepreneur asks us to connect all employees. We have to understand every company members and involve them to work together in a same work. Furthermore, we are certain to entrust the suitable tasks for each person. Therefore, this is one of the best way to develop leadership skill. On the other hand, the possession of a company requires us a lot of knowledge and experiences. To drive the company in its way, we are bound to gain more information about the business we are doing. Sometimes, there is likelihood that we have to do take feedback of our new services or products. Without no doubt, this really help us to accumulate knowledge and experiences.

Purchasing a house:
First and foremost, what I put in my priority is life essential. It is common knowledge that owing a house show the responsibility of us with our family. A house creates a stable place for your family to live in. Therefore, we and our family is likely to have a settled job and life. This is the foundation for an independent life. More notably, having a house bring you the necessary privacy. Our personal things are in private. We are likely to free to do the things we like. It is one of the most important requirements of human. With no doubt, a house is vital for our life.

In the second place, reliable investment is what I put my priority in. Clearly, being a house buyer is no risky. The house always belongs to us. Our possessions are protected by the law. Thus this is a safe purchase. More important, a house is always in demand. Therefore, it is a valuable property and not easy to lose price. It is possible for us to create wealth with house trading. This is a justifiable investment. Without no doubt, choosing a house is reasonable.

Writing Feedback / Bringing enjoyment. Movies take us to the world of imagination. [4]

Topics: Movies are popular all over the world. Explain why movies are so popular. Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

There have appeared endless discussions over the popularity of movies. Various reasons have been look into. My writing will carefully discuss the typical ones.

First and foremost, what I want to put in my priority is bringing enjoyment. With the advance of modern technology, movies take us to the world of imagination. People always have somethings they need, and movies bring these things right to the front of people's eyes. For instance, a young boy will interest in some superhero movies, where human have super power and defeat the evil. A couple might want to watch love stories, and they are able to find these stories in romantic movies. Or an old man, when he remembers some past memories, some history movies could help him. Therefore, watching movies is a satisfaction experience. More interesting, movies are likely to strengthen our relationship. Watching movies is some of a few activities that family members could enjoy together. Furthermore, it is possible for us to more understand our friends base on their taste in movies. As a consequence, there is likelihood for us to attach to our connections. With no doubt, one of the reasons why movies are so popular is that they bring us the feeling of happiness.

In the second place, being a great learning tool is another essential factor contributing to this essence. Each movie is a masterpiece of visual and sound. But more than that, movies create a chance for us to learn many new things. Obviously, the abundance of movies creates an enormous source to learn foreign languages. By providing the context when language is used, movies support us so that we can study the language faster and remember it longer. And if we want to learn about a specific topic, movies in that topic provide a great help. For example, we can study related words of computer by watching some programming-hacking movies. As a result, one of the best ways to learn language is through movies. More notably, movies can bring us the knowledge more than just the language. They also include many information about history, science, different culture in the worlds, etc. Furthermore, movies teach us many moral lessons that change the way we live. Without no doubt, we are bound to study more things from each movie.

In summary, all the mentioned above are the convincing reasons for answering why movies are so popular. It is highly recommended that everybody should take my writing into detailed consideration to adopt appropriate policy on the popularity of movies.