Writing Feedback / Writing Practice: USA Summer Camp job application (Need Correction) [3]

Title and Content:You see this advertisement for a job in the USA.

USA SUMMER CAMPS

People of all ages needed to work in summer camps all over the USA.

If you can speak English and you are cheerful, energetic and hardworking, you are the right person for us. Food and accommodation are provided. You just pay the air fare.

You will:

look after children aged 8-12
help organise sports and evening activities
work in the kitchens
Write telling us about yourself and why you think you would be a suitable person for the job.

Write your letter of application. Do not write any postal addresses.
My Essay:
I'm a student in college from Taiwan, Taipei. In order to enrich my lives, I always look for the activities that are meaningful, such as the summer camp in my faculty, the orientation camp. So I'm a fan of join different kinds of extracurricular activities. I think I'm enthusiastic enough to take part in the USA SUMMER CAMPS, not only because I am very fond of American culture, but also I have a lot of experience about holding activities. I believe that the experience will cause me to give good idea when planning the activities. Otherwise since I've been to US for twice, I know how to get used to the daily works and the people there, then I can soon get on track. My favorite sport is basketball, and it's definitely very popular in the US, I think I can teach some basic technique and training, since the children aged 8-12 are in the meridian of grow-up process, sports are indispensable. I know some about how to cook but I'm not a master hand, I may work in the kitchens that I sometimes couldn't give a hand, at least I wouldn't mess up the work. And the last, I think I can speak and interact with the children with no problem, my English may not be excellent, but I'll try my best to communicate!

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Undergraduate / 'I'm a sophomore in IEM' - a very important introduction [2]

Help me correct the grammar and take out the redundance.

Hi everyone, my name is Wilson, I'm a sophomore in IEM that is stand for industrial engineering and management, I'm from chunghua, it's in the middle of Taiwan, there are 4 members in my family including my parents, my elder brother and me. Going to movies, playing basketball and tennis and traveling abroad are my hobbies, also I'm a player of the basketball team of my department, I really enjoy the time when training and practicing in the team, otherwise I often play tennis with my dad on weekends. I have a good relationship with my family, My dad is a succesful bussinessman, he is the founder of a bicycle component manufactory, my mom also take part in his business, she's job is like an accoundant, also she's an good housekeeper that is really responsible, My brother is who I very respect to, but he is just like my buddy, we can chat in any topics and in anytime, but he's now study at university of Minnesota in U.S . Otherwise he help me to improve English especially in speaking. Last but not least , I hope somday that I'm competent enough to succeed my father's business. It is my fathers prospect that I strive to fullfill.