Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by oktoberlin12
Name: Oktoberlin Tampubolon
Joined: Oct 10, 2016
Last Post: Oct 12, 2016
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: Indonesia
School: Padjadjaran University

Displayed posts: 4
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oktoberlin12   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Studying the past and reasons requiring us to know about history [3]

Hai Halin!

... two main reasons requiringwhich are requiring us to know about history. First of all, when the young people/ youngters[choose one] are reminded of majestic ...

If students are not educated by the history, there will ...
... in jeopardy due to children lacking ofhistorichistorical comprehension.
... plays an important role intonations' existencethe existence of nations,.[use dot]as As a result, it is crucial ...
... to generalize history to the young people/ youngters in particular and ...

Note
I think your essay is well-written and well-structured, started from Introduction, Overview, Body and Conclusion.
I think you did a great job Halin!
Hope this would help you.
oktoberlin12   
Oct 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / How Wild Animals Are Hacking Life in the City [4]

How Wild Animals Are Hacking Life in the City
By Christine Dell'Amore


It's evident that some wild animals have survived in the city, even though they should be placed in the wild forest as well as their nature. However, new urbanites force animals to learn how to change their lifestyles to suit human's life. Human has the impact on animals changing and the role on what to do with these animals. There are several example of this. Firstly, Wily coyote, which has spread into nearly countries in few decades ago. They ingest almost anything while living in cities. Secondly, research also found that none of the rural raccoons could get into the trash can whilst 80 percent of the city animals did. Thirdly, the food determines how the ants live for longer or reproduce while they seem okay ingesting junk. That three aforementioned examples can show about their ability to evolve as they adapt to cities according to their personalities. Unfortunately, urbanization is not suit as well as animals behave, even though animals are allowed to adapt to cities. Experts said that it's time to make them as one of us, as cities where is filled with wild animals are just good places to be.
oktoberlin12   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Paraphrising Writing: Uses of Leisure Time [2]

Hai Afdhel!
Here is my notes for you.


human needs to rest to empower the body.

rewire[I can't find this word in English] .

the body and brain is to spendspending your time.

intellectual purpose weakens [weakens what?, you should add more word such as noun because "weakens" is verb] .

that workers whohavinghave time spent in the city producingproduce a reductional ability to concentrate and to handlehandling passion and heart.

The states with which have the most holidaysholiday time are Italy with ...
Meanwhile, the hard-working Americans have the least around 13 days on the hard-working .

I think you have not delivered your essay properly because of grammatical errors.
You should improve your grammar in your next thread.
Hoep this would help you.
Overall, you did a good job Afdhel.

oktoberlin12   
Oct 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Talk "How Fear of Nuclear Power is Hurting The Environment" [3]

Hai Gigih!
Here are some notes for you.

It provesis proved by the amount...
His research shows[whose research is this?]Michael Shellenberger, the speaker of this TED Talk, found that the demand of...
...Ipsos in 2014 showed that solar energy was...
...part of the worlds, Inin[no capital letter after comma] the next 2040...
...nuclear reactors by online and it is...
...in air pollution that than coal, petroleum, biomass...
The conclusion is thatto solvesolving the climate crisis or to overcomeovercoming the clean energy crisis is not by judgingjudged by the nuclear machine...

Overall, your essay is well-written.
Hope this would help you.
You did a great job.
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