Posts by MRPRESIDEN [Suspended]

MRPRESIDEN

Dec 2, 2016

Writing Feedback / Personal financial senior high school. [2]

Personal financial senior high school.

Tanvee patankar is TEDx speaker she become speaker in 2016 and she said that personal finance for teens was incredible important because teens need arrange and they should learn about budgeting money and how to deal with it. Recently, financial management issue is the huge problem in particular in juvenile. It is mainly because teenager is build period in all of life aspects. Although it is not compulsory but financial management will teach teenager how to manage their money in the future. This is will easiest when children start learn how to manage financial since senior high school because in this period people problem not complicated ye,t so children have big chance to learn in this part. In addition, when people fail to learn financial management, they will vulnerable from financial crash in the future, because they will face global market which get rid of every one who cannot survive.

source: TEDx

MRPRESIDEN

Dec 2, 2016

Writing Feedback / Eight Easy Ways Lead to Success [6]

There are eight ways (...) according to THE seven years

First of all is the passion according to Freeman ...

FOCUS ON MEANING I THINK THAT YOUR SENTENCE IN THE BEGINNING INAPPROPRIATE
LET ME REVISE >> first of all, Freeman Thomas talked about passion can leads to the success because do it for love.

Secondly, Rupert Murdoach said that the success must ( must can be shaged have to) do with (...) nothing comes easily.

... to get the success and practice it, ~~based on Alex Garden's says~~ Alex Gardens, said.

Then focus, in Noman Jewison's view who is double verb (think and is i suggest delete is) think all with focusing on one the thing.David Gallo. ???

~~The~~ next, Push ~~the~~by self, ~~particularly~~ in particular physically and mentally, ~~also~~ pass the shyness and self-doubtas well .

Kraus ~~says~~ said that persistence is ...

MRPRESIDEN

Dec 1, 2016

Writing Feedback / Article Summary : AI Learn to Predict the Future by Watching 2 Million Videos [2]

[quote=SarlindaDS_27]This article can show us how the people .../quote]
>>> S VERB AGREEMEN ARTICLE IS SINGULAR SO IT NEED SINGULAR VERB AS WELL >> ARTICLE CAN SHOWS
>>> CAN SHOW US OR CAN SHOW TO US?

... plan of the best idea that ever which this idea (...) or any robotic that has predictable thinking ... (REPEATATION)

According to the Carl Vondrick ones of the teamS that created the new system, ~~Carl Vondrick~~ at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology argued that in the future ...

For example, if you~~'re~~ARE about to sit down, you ~~don't~~DO NOT want a robot to ...

... as the king in ~~their~~THE homes.

However, this plan is not ~~likea piece of cake~~EASY ( DO NOT USE IDIOM IN ACADEMIC WRITING) term, moreover, ...

..., Vondrick was ~~emphasized~~MISS SPELLING emphasised his idea that as ...

MRPRESIDEN

Dec 1, 2016

Writing Feedback / How Cyber Monday Is Transforming as Shoppers Get Better Connected [3]

How Cyber Monday Is Transforming as Shoppers Get Better Connected

Recently, online shop become famous in the USA and it will predict always developing over time because people tend take easy in particular shopping. Top online shops in the USA always have best offer to the consumer and they give easiest shopping way, because technology developed rapidly in particular internet and smart phone so consumer can use their smart phone as transaction . Interestingly, the biggest online shop Amazon and Walmart give unique offer which attract many consumers. For instances, every weekend on Friday and Saturday they have special offer called black Friday weekend and black Saturday weekend. The strategy of online shop entirely impressive and it is the best strategy because every weekend normally people which is busy at work place in the weekend they off and spend time on their home with family. This situation can be caught by online shop and they offers big discount of normal price from 30 until 40 percent. Usually people hit on Thursday night and shopping on the Friday or they hit on Saturday night and shopping on Sunday morning.

Source: time

MRPRESIDEN

Dec 1, 2016

Writing Feedback / Taiwan promises increased investment in Indonesia [2]

Taiwan council stated that their nation will increase investment in Indonesia regarding ...

> word order = their nation investment will increase in Indonesia.

Taiwanese authority met the President and some cabinet members on Wednesday to speak regarding investment ...

I suggest if you want to mention more than one item you should use such as because especially is only use to specific one.

... Taiwan companies to give moreinvestment(plural issue investments) in Indonesia, with creating ...

To attract Taiwanese(avoid TO in the beginning sentence) industries give their ...