Scholarship / Lehigh university - My dream school and the best choice possible [5]

Thank you for your candid opinions. Here is my revised essay:

"Beautiful campus, well-rounded students, I love it here." I would tweet this because I would want prospective students to have an imaginative picture of the setting at Lehigh and understand how great the students are.

The view of the campus is simply breathtaking and unique. The distinctive marble structure with the inscription "Homo Minister Et Interpres Naturae'' welcomes you to the Alumni Memorial Building (the heart of the campus). A wonderful road network with well-paved walkways constructed between plenty of trees as alluring as the eye can see. In between the tress are outstandingly remarkable buildings constructed on magnificent green lawns.

Lehigh students work hard and play hard. A typical Lehigh student is intelligent but willing and able to balance a social life in. Most students are involved in multiple clubs and organisations on campus, especially the Greek life community. Lehigh is the best choice for anyone looking for the best private research university in the country with intense school spirit and outstanding cultural heritage.

I just want people to know all these amazing facts about Lehigh because I love it, it is truly a great citadel of learning, the best of both worlds. It's strong community and the vibrant setting is what makes it fun and why I hope to call it home. Here at Lehigh, you can dare to dream big, get involved in basically everything and meet new people (even if it's awkward at first). After experiencing the magic at Lehigh, I understand what it means to be a Mountain Hawk.

Scholarship / UGRAD Program will be a great chance for me to show up with new ideas and new thoughts [3]

@fatymzahra
please take the time to read your essay again, there are a few grammatical errors and fragments. I think you should talk more about what you can contribute to the program and how this program will help you achieve your dreams of becoming an Environmental engineer.

Writing Feedback / The data on how fast world wide population growth in numbers and statistics of urban population [3]

@Muhayyun Mappare
You didn't talk about the contrasts between developed and developing regions, I think you should expatiate on that

Undergraduate / Syracuse: What influenced me (advanced writing) [4]

Your essay lacks a voice. Admissions Officers want to see a student who will make a difference on their campus and is passionate about attending their school. You need to sound enthusiastic about applying to Syracuse

Undergraduate / My Motivation for applying to Lafayette College [3]

@Holt
Thank you and God bless for your advice and review. I will work on it

Lafayette has always been on top of my list for university education. The visit of an admissions officer, Mr. Eugene Gabay, to my school last year only spurred my interest in the school. Lafayette's interdisciplinary curriculum is certainly one that fascinates me because I get the chance to explore every field of learning and gives me the freedom to take big risks. I would love to collaborate with students in the Biology field to find a cure to AIDS. I am very passionate about this because my grandfather died of AIDS.

I am particularly interested in Lafayette because of her small student-faculty ratio. I am a very curious and interactive student and I would love to have the full attention of my lecturers who would inevitably help me in achieving my goals and dreams. I want to be able to ask questions, engage in intellectual discussions and collaborate with them on avant-garde research. I am also interested in Lafayette's study away opportunities. I want to meet new people, learn new languages and experience different cultures. I love the Spanish culture and would especially love to study in Spain. I want to be the first graduate of Whitesands to attend Lafayette. So as Marquis de Lafayette would say "Cur non", why shouldn't I believe I can achieve great things at Lafayette?

Undergraduate / "Buy nine more, get one free!" Common App - Identity Essay (Boba drinks Story) [2]

@MasterPhantom
This is an excellent essay and I really like it. However, I feel your essay is too wordy, you need to find a way of explaining your thoughts in a logical way without using platitude. Regardless, this is a good essay.

Undergraduate / Why Duke? To be part of the next generation of global leaders and technological innovators [7]

@Holt
Thanks again for your expert perusal. God bless you. Kindly help me revise my essay

Undergraduate / Why Duke? To be part of the next generation of global leaders and technological innovators [7]

If you are applying to the Trinity College of Arts & Sciences as either a first-year or transfer applicant, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you? (150 words maximum)

One of my major attractions to Duke is The Thompson Writing Program. I am an avid writer and participating in this program will give me an unbelievable opportunity to develop my writing skills and expand the horizon of my creative thought. I can't wait to join the community of dedicated intellectuals like me who are proud of their skin and economic background at Black Student Alliance. I would also love to join Ogechi in the Africa Conversations Club and find solutions to the current challenges we face in Africa today.

I love the fact that Duke is a liberal arts college because this will give me the opportunity to receive exposure from a wide range of academic subjects including the arts while I am majoring in my field of Computer Science. I'm not only interested in Duke because of its prestigious national ranking or low student to faculty ratio. I'm interested in Duke because of the unbelievable opportunities given to undergraduates to partake in ground-breaking research. I want to collaborate with my new friends and scientists on avant-garde research. Studying at the Trinity College of Arts and Science will give me the right tools to achieve my dreams of becoming a computer scientist and making a positive impact the world over. I want to become a Blue Devil at Duke.

I am currently on 220 Words. Kindly help me revise my essay, thank you very much

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - MEDIA CONTROL - an important privilege and tool to manipulate the public [3]


Rating= 7/10
However, you should work more on answering the question "To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

Undergraduate / My blackness. Common Application Essay: Problem you'd like to solve - limiting circumstances [4]

@bosuegbu
''My blackness'' is grammatically incorrect, try replacing with ''my colour or ''my skin''. ''My community had a good mix of white, black, and Latino demographics'', why don't you replace this sentence with ''My community consisted of people from different races''

I feel your essay is too wordy, you're saying a lot but you're not getting to the point. I feel you didn't study the essay prompt well enough. You did not describe in any way how the problem is significant to you or the steps taken to solve the problem. To be honest, I think you should write on a problem you have actually solved. Perhaps in your family, community, school etc.

There is no order in your essay. I cannot clearly point out a sentence where you discussed on how you would like to find a solution to the issue. Read your essay over and over again and tell me what you think. Imagine yourself as the admissions officer and what he/she would think about your essay. Your essay needs to be concise and be able to captivate the reader. I honestly think you should choose another topic to write on.

I look forward to reading your revision.

Undergraduate / My role as the first child of my family [3]

@Holt
Thank you very much for your advice and expert perusal, I sincerely appreciate it. To be very honest, I rushed through the essay and was just typing anything that came to my mind. That is why I have so many grammatical errors, fragments etc. I am currently working on the revision. Thank you and God bless