bosuegbu
Dec 22, 2016
Undergraduate / Exposed to counting. How the quest for a shooting star shaped my life. [10]
@aHappyGuy
I love how you compared finding a shooting star and counting stars with your academic goals! There's some common grammatical errors: semicolons are for joining two complete sentences into one sentence, so make sure both sides of the semicolon are complete thoughts that could stand alone as one sentence. There's a bit of redundancy that will allow you to shorten your word count if you remove it.
... or toys for practice, but when I was home at night, I tried counting stars instead .
In my counting, I would go up to 10 stars and start to lose focus. "Did I count this one already?" The task was never accomplished. One day I heard of shooting stars on the radio . In my language, due to its brief appearance, a shooting star may be translated to something like "t hat which is seen by one person" due to their brief appearance . A burning meteor in the atmosphere, I had never seen one before . My curiosity was ignited , and I set off on my quest to seeing a shooting star.
When I first started stargazing, I didn't think it would take long to see the first shooting star. I would come home from school, do my homework, and start looking for a fast moving, bright object in thestarry sky.
... stargazing was no longer stars , but a period reserved for thinking about the big questions--a time to reflect upon my life.
..., but the waiting was fun and I did enjoy staying out late lost in deep thoughts, discovering myself.(what do you mean by waiting?)
I did not bother to researchon the availability of shooting stars in my location, I did not bother;And YES, I did not know ...
... blurry and confusing;I was not sure (...) for a shooting star, thus, I started to question the reason why I took those 10 (...) for a shooting star . (accurate use of semicolon here.)It was one night, 12 years later,that my hard work paid off;...
Thehistoric event was so brief ...
I did not know what I should do. The thought that it may have been a daydream haunted me ...
... my curiosity on the philosophy of existence, which I inspected thoroughly. (maybe you're using too many semicolons here. it's almost back to back. you can break some of these sentences apart and eliminate some of the semicolons.)
My experiencefor waiting for a shooting star and seeing one for the first time had a remarkable impact on my life; ...
For instance, in high school I desired ranking in the top 20% or so of my classmuch like my desire to see a shooting star. I would find myselfin the trimester struggling to balance (...) extracurricular activities. being an Editor in Chief in my high school's media club, the students had hope in me .
Eventually, my grades sank,...
During my senior year, I flashedback and desired another shooting star in my life; it was no longer to be in the top 20% in the class, but to strive to get the legendary 73 in Rwanda National Exams. 73 is the perfect score; you get that score ...
Knowing the feeling I had (...) my sole motivation, so I started hitting the books, ...
Three months later, the results were out, andI realized that I had, indeed, seen my second shooting star.
Again, just cut down on the use of semicolons, they don't need to be in every sentence but, if used correctly, they do show advanced grammar. Overall I really love this essay.
@aHappyGuy
I love how you compared finding a shooting star and counting stars with your academic goals! There's some common grammatical errors: semicolons are for joining two complete sentences into one sentence, so make sure both sides of the semicolon are complete thoughts that could stand alone as one sentence. There's a bit of redundancy that will allow you to shorten your word count if you remove it.
... or toys for practice, but when I was home at night, I tried counting stars instead .
When I first started stargazing, I didn't think it would take long to see the first shooting star. I would come home from school, do my homework, and start looking for a fast moving, bright object in the
... stargazing was no longer stars , but a period reserved for thinking about the big questions--a time to reflect upon my life.
..., but the waiting was fun and I did enjoy staying out late lost in deep thoughts, discovering myself.(what do you mean by waiting?)
I did not bother to research
... blurry and confusing;
The
... my curiosity on the philosophy of existence, which I inspected thoroughly. (maybe you're using too many semicolons here. it's almost back to back. you can break some of these sentences apart and eliminate some of the semicolons.)
My experience
For instance, in high school I desired ranking in the top 20% or so of my classmuch like my desire to see a shooting star. I would find myself
Eventually, my grades sank,...
During my senior year, I flashed
Three months later, the results were out, and
Again, just cut down on the use of semicolons, they don't need to be in every sentence but, if used correctly, they do show advanced grammar. Overall I really love this essay.