Undergraduate / -YALE- FOOTPRINT ON MY CHINESE HARDSHIPS [4]

I'm struggling a lot to get this essay below word count :`) Please help!!! (259/200)

What is a community to which you belong? Reflect on the footprint that you have left. (You may define community and footprint in any way you like.)

"There are...uh, 6 million A-Asian American donors..."

She looked at me helplessly as thoughts stumbled over her locked tongue, finally resulting in unintelligible English, fidgeting, and an inevitably fading existence.

I understand her pain, since that was the beginning for all of us.

We Chinese transfer students have vainly attempted to integrate into this foreign society; searching for a sense of belonging, we formed a tightly-knit group of our own. Yet I longed to become an active member of this unfamiliar town and hoped to help those who also suffer from a cultural transition-I proposed to form a club, so that generations after us will have the same established source of support.

I established the Chinese Culture Club, which gradually expanded to 30 members, including many Korean and Japanese students. As president of the club, I organized weekly meetings, fundraising activities, and even persuaded the club to perform at the school's Diversity Rally; we danced in front of 2,700 high-schoolers, revealing who we were before coming to America, and our dedication to become a part of this community.

I initiated a Bone Marrow Drive for a young newlywed diagnosed with leukemia, and members were eager to participate. To create a larger impact, we agreed to give presentations in class instead of in addition to setting up a registration booth.

And there she was, losing her new voice in fear of the world's response.

Standing by her, I began to clap; the audience, awaking from the silence themselves, exploded into thundering applause.

Taking a deep breath, she began again.

Undergraduate / NERD, GEEK & DORK -TUFTS- [4]

I only have a first part of the essay, but am really unsure if I should go on:

*is dork a swear word?? dweeb??? I'm using it purely for the purpose of the essay, since I've never actually heard of the word dweeb.

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-celebrate your nerdy side-

According to wikiHow, a "nerd", a "geek", and a "dork" are subtly different. A "nerd" is passionate about a particular academic pursuit; a "geek" is particularly interested in a subject that is not necessarily academic; a "dork", however, is not interested in anything in particular. All three are socially inept.

The similarities and differences between these three terms can also be shown through an online venn diagram. Intelligence with obsession defines a "geek"; when the former is combined with social ineptitude, a "dweeb" is made; the third combination, obsession and social ineptitude, represents a "dork". The triangular shape in the middle that all three overlapped is labeled "nerd".

In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, "nerd", "dork", and "dweeb" share the same meaning as being an "unattractive, insignificant or inept person." Rather unexpectedly, "geek" is defined as an intellectual---mostly disliked, and usually in the field of technology.

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I want to use this intro to portray that i am a nerd that actually seems like sherlock, socially inept, full of definitions, know-it-all.

But then I might transition into my own definition of "nerd" and what kind of a nerd I am, someone who likes to prove things herself rather than listen to advertisement, such websites, or even people of authority...someone who loves being with people to talk about all the nerdy stuff rather than thinking about it alone.

Would this be an acceptable essay?? Thank you!!!!!!!

Undergraduate / RICE ESSAY: Diversity & How Life is Like a Pond [4]

Rice's application is due on New Year's Day! What a wonderful coincidence! I would greatly appreciate brutal feedback!

I really worry that my essay might be too obscure and thus not incomprehensible. :`(

Thank you so much!

The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What personal perspective would you contribute to life at Rice? (500 word limit)

A Chinese proverb says that life is but a pond. My life, however, would be two connected ponds (like a dumbbell), divided in many different ways: "American-origin" versus "Chinese-upbringing," "traditional conservative values" against "newly-acquired liberal beliefs," or "love for roller coasters" against "acute acrophobia." But if I were to throw a pebble into one pond, the resulting ripples will expand until it glides through the other half entirely-I strive for that pebble of variability.

Before I thrived in variability, merely accommodating it was a gruesome process. Growing up in China was like living on another planet, where voiceless students travel through the fog of a developing nation in unisex school uniforms. Even though my appearances blended in with my surroundings, I deviated from the norm: I was the American that spoke a different tongue and read books in another language. Gradually, however, as I began to observe and comprehend the minute differences between individuals-her braces, forbidden from eating pork due to her belief, kept his hair long in accordance to generational traditions-I began to feel like I belonged, for I was similar to the different. But I began to realize that everyone was different.

At that moment, the ripples caused by my moving back to China pacified.

Moving back to America and directly enrolling into high school was overwhelming, as if a mountain was thrown into my lake and water leaked out of my being. Before my return to the U.S., I had never eaten avocado, worn makeup, heard politics publicly debated, seen a Latin American, or knew of the existence of gays and lesbians. But after the initial shock, I immediately clicked to this world where differences are open-mindedly accepted and celebrated. After sudden shifts between cultures, I began to realize that nothing is unusual-all people have to do is embrace it. At Rice, I would be an advocate of equality for all identities and values, for I believe that unconventionals themselves should also accept others' originalities.

Apart from embracing divergence, I found a continent of pebbles.

Open debates required in American schools are the battlefields of conflicting opinions and the birthplaces of life-changing insights; topics can range from an article about vegetarianism to the presidential election. Every intellectual thought I hear creates a ripple in my head that accumulates to become a wave of transformation, and every thoughtful opinion I contribute to the discussion may similarly inspire another. When all minds with the power to think come together, ponds merge, forming a sea of wisdom to learn from the past and construct the future. At Rice, I would strive to become the pebble-thrower, the one who is unafraid to speak to keep others' minds churning.

I benefited from both worlds, understanding each's culture, value, tradition, and language, all of which I would gladly share with whoever is willing to listen. But in the end, I would assume that my two ponds blended since the very beginning, making me who I am now-a petite sea of my own.