My essay is open to all criticism and suggestions. Please help me with this one.
'Teachers are the potters that mold us'. My friends and I came up with this idea to be presented on Teacher's Day through a drama. After 3 days of rigorous drafting, editing and re-editing, the script was ready. We just had to stage it. While working on this drama, I felt the latent 'choranaptyxic' embryo move inside me. I was delighted to discover my ability to play roles different from what I had been playing hitherto.
The Big Day arrived; we were great on stage. I couldn't hear my own voice when the school auditorium roared with applause. It ended as a memorable day for the whole school, especially me. Even now, when I feel feckless, looking back to those days always snaps me out of the lowly feelings and incites me to keep moving forward, no matter what.
It's a story which is always a good move to make. The point of these essays is to learn why you do something.
choranaptyxic => What?
Hitherto => Change it to before.
This looks like you are trying to use difficult words just to use them. Every human being is lazy and so are admissions officers, so keep it simple and tehy will like you more.
It is overall easy to read which is good, but the overall message can come across a bit cheesy. I guess that the message is that you keep moving forward while it might be better to say how acting makes you escape from your own mind for an hour. Something like that.
... auditorium roared with applause. It ended as a memorable day for the whole school especially for me. Even now, when I feel feckless (...) lowly feelings and encourages me to keep ...
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Mhod, you while the drama club is a good extra curricular activity to discuss, I do not believe that focusing on a single dramatic presentation is the way to go with this essay. You have to talk about the activity in general terms. Terms that will allow you to present the way that the drama club has influenced you to become a better person, or has helped you to hone a talent. The extra curricular activity should not focus on one particular experience alone. It has to be all encompassing in terms of presentation. You will need, in my opinion, to revise the essay by focusing on the general instead of specific benefits that you have gained through your participation in the drama club.
Same opinion as most people above :)
Great topic, but I believe these essays want to see more of a personal reflection. I read on many guides (yeah I know) that you should portray your dedication, motivation... etc. all those big words and even bigger ideas. Make it lively, too. <= I know, so many near-impossible requirements for high schoolers to get into college
The first sentence took up too much space and is not very related to the entire essay. :)
