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Posts by Monica26
Name: Monica Suprantio
Joined: Apr 30, 2017
Last Post: Apr 30, 2017
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
Likes: 1
From: Indonesia
School: Parahyangan Catholic University

Displayed posts: 4
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Monica26   
Apr 30, 2017
Scholarship / Reasons and Study Objectives Behind Proposed Course and Institution - AAS 2017 Essay Task 1 [3]

This is a draft of an essay I wrote for AAS Essay task 1. The admission board request explanation of how I choose proposed course and institution. I will be grateful for any advice either in content or grammar errors. Thank you for your attention.

(characters count 3244 of 2000.)

Please advise me will it become a problem if I my essay excess the characters limit? I do think this can be more efficient in words, but I need people to pinpoint it first for me to see the excess.

Essay after the break
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the University of Melbourne admission



As a practicing architect, I fully aware architect has an important role in shaping the living environment. A year ago I had the chance to handle the biggest master plan project I ever worked on and it was intended to be waterfront city. I was excited yet feel the heavy responsibility. If this planning course through the construction phase, it will completely redefine the existing social and natural environment. On this very project, we teamed up with an urban design consultant who seems to create a design from thorough contextual study across many fields. They gave critical suggestions mainly to determine zones of land and gave guidances of how to develop places for communities along the coast and canals. Ever since then this exemplary work has encouraged me to study more about urban planning.

In the other hand, there are two major problems in urban area which I found it concerning and need immediate handling caused by the distorted proportion between population density and land-space. Urban's charm has attracted people from all across the country to make a living. Unfortunately, people who have not succeed and unable to come back to their village have to live in improper places such as under flyovers and along riverbanks. That very reason might also deceitfully used to legalize land reclamation on Jakarta's Bay. Aside from disputable environmental study and issued permit, properties build on reclamation land would have higher--if not the same-price with one in the downtown area. Thus, it is clearly not for the welfare of the public in general. To this date, there are thirty-seven reclamation projects recorded in Indonesia, twenty projects are on-going, and the rest will begin soon. While Indonesia inarguably has many beautiful coasts and rich in biodiversities, they are threatened to be damaged. Therefore, I think the emergence issue is to make urban renewal plan especially for urban cities and land-use and coastline plans based on the feasibility study with spirit to make equitable and sustainable human settlements.

Both experiencing urban life with its day to day problem and involvement in several master plan projects have motivated me to learn about urban planning, which can guide me to understand current issues in urban development, analyze the problems, and capable of providing the befitting answer for social and environment in a contextual way. Moreover, it aligns with my belief that we can create design solutions through research.

The university of Melbourne becomes my first option for the institution where I planned to enroll in, aside from several other exceptional institutions across Australia. Through carefully reading its program, I have faith that the University of Melbourne is a world leading university with an excellent reputation in Urban Planning course which equips students with deep, cross-disciplines knowledge to tackle challenging population and environmental issues. I am also eager to attend Travelling Studio program. I believe it can help me a great deal to use theories I get on classes to devise critical answers to real problems, aside from the opportunity to work alongside people from other backgrounds who will play important roles in my personal growth.
Monica26   
Apr 30, 2017
Scholarship / Study Objectives Essay For Fulbright Scholarship Program 2018 From Pakistan [4]

Hey, Bilal.
Your first paragraph is confusing to me. The first sentence which might be the main idea of the paragraph doesn't relate well with the second sentence. Instead, you should try to explain problems that arise from your current job then what study you think will help you to overcome those problems. Also, I think your second and fourth paragraphs are part of the first paragraph if you can rephrase it. So I think you need to restructure them. As the first prompt said, you need to explain your study objectives, then explain the reasons behind it.

You need to explain more in the major field and specialized interests within the field. I saw it in your third paragraph, but it is too vague. Learning carefully about the program you want to take in universities of your interest will help you a great deal in this area. Moreover, it will help you for the third task of the prompt. It will fit like puzzles.

I find you have vaguely described the kind of programs you expect to undertake. Again, another rephrase would help this essay to be more clear. You need to convince the scholarship admission board that the university has been provided the best program to help you improve and achieve your goals.

There, I think that's all I can say. Hope it will help you to refine your essay and good luck! :)
Monica26   
Apr 30, 2017
Writing Feedback / Car-free days or other ways to reduce air pollution. [4]

Hello, Tai. I will strictly give comment to the content of your essay.

Your second paragraph doesn't really explain of how free-car days can reduce air pollution. I prefer you use facts such as how many people like to travel with private car rather than with public transportation. It will be quite straight-forward from there. A day without that amount of cars will certainly reduce air pollution. If you agree with the statement then you have to provide more benefits of free-car days such as introducing public transportation as an option to travel.

On the third paragraph, you could mention what citizen can do to achieve clean environment like reducing the usage of plastic or any material which hard to decomposed, separating their garbage, and so on. In conclusion, you need more examples to explain the main idea of every paragraph to make it more solid.
Monica26   
Apr 30, 2017
Scholarship / "How I Intend to use benefits from scholarship and possible constraints" - AAS 2017 Essay Task 3 [2]

I'm writing an essay for AAS application for enrollment in 2018. The prompt is"a) give up to three practical examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skills and connections you will gain from your scholarship. Possible tasks can be personal and/or professional; and

b) list any possible constraints you think may prevent you from achieving these tasks."


Maximum characters 2000.

Please kindly help me review the content and if it's possible to point on grammar error, as english is not my first language. Thank you in advance :)

(Essay's draft after the break)
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some obstacles which might disturb my plans regarding the scholarship



First, I want to work as a private consultant who works closely with government and property developer which focus, but not limited to, on land-use plan and zoning may it a renewal of urban area or master planning. Furthermore, to expand my chance in the planning industry, I intend to use established networks on my postgraduate years to make international planning consultancy since we are no longer confined by physical boundaries such as distances and time. We can have several representative offices across the globe which means we can enrich ourselves with diverse projects.

Second, holding a master degree I am eligible to apply as a lecturer in the university. At the same time, my experience in planning consultancies will provide facts and data to be used as case-study by students which will let them practice their knowledge and I am in place to inspire and encourage them to pursue higher education in order to prepare young generation for future challenges. I also believe practice and academic need to be hand in hand in order to discover new things. By becoming lecturer I put myself in a continues learning community. Furthermore, with enough experiences both in practice and academic field, I am qualified to be part of expertise who can influence spatial planning policies, thus I have greater bargaining position in creating viable built-environment.

Third, I shall use my knowledge and skills in architecture and planning for society by joining in volunteer organization such as Habitat for Humanity. There are still many people in Jakarta living under flyovers or along river banks with a poor condition whereas we can take part to improve their living conditions. But most of the time we need so many support for charity and voluntary work, either in manpower or financial support. By becoming a member of alumni of Australia Awards Global and Indonesia Alumni Network, I think it will help me a great deal to muster needed supports. I am positive could employ international researchers from highly regarded institutions to do research for society's improvement.

While there are some examples of how I intend to use the benefits from scholarship, I also foresee possible constraints such as registering my business and getting through complicated bureaucracy, finding suitable projects as Indonesia's developers have not been accustomed to urban planner's merit, making profits, build on my leadership traits, and so on.
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