sartajzzz
May 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / Music will never disappear from our life [3]
Write a more powerful introduction:
"Humans have been listening and appreciating music for eons for various reasons ranging from participating in cultural activities to de-stressing."
It is important to mention reasons in introduction and explain it in following paragraphs.
Problem with your answer: IELTS demands clear structure in writing section. I can't see that in your answer. (I'm an online IELTS trainer)
Let me propose a structure and perhaps you'll prefer to rewrite:
Introduction
Body Para 1: Reason 1, Example 1
Body Para 2: Reason 2, Example 2
Conclusion
Example 1 must relate to reason 1. Example 2 must relate to reason 2.
Best Wishes.
Write a more powerful introduction:
"Humans have been listening and appreciating music for eons for various reasons ranging from participating in cultural activities to de-stressing."
It is important to mention reasons in introduction and explain it in following paragraphs.
Problem with your answer: IELTS demands clear structure in writing section. I can't see that in your answer. (I'm an online IELTS trainer)
Let me propose a structure and perhaps you'll prefer to rewrite:
Introduction
Body Para 1: Reason 1, Example 1
Body Para 2: Reason 2, Example 2
Conclusion
Example 1 must relate to reason 1. Example 2 must relate to reason 2.
Best Wishes.