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PERSONAL STATEMENT for petroleum engineering study

Hi everyone, I need your help on this essay on why I am a good candidate to be considered for a scholarship; how my academic and professional background relate to my chosen degree program; and what I expect to gain from studying this program at Heriot-watt University.

Thank you in anticipation for your feed backs

Being an African from a poor family, my parents had always struggled for my education because of my dispositions toward becoming learned. My background has never dissuaded me from aiming high in my career aspiration. My goal right from my childhood is to become an engineer who will study and fathom the way processes are operated from; need for my first degree in chemical engineering.

I started developing interest in petroleum engineering when I did courses on petroleum refinery processes, polymer engineering and corrosion engineering. I had studied organic chemistry from the secondary school level to the university level, I did hydrocarbons and their compound and petroleum derivatives, but it was petroleum refinery processes that really caught my fancy; it was fascinating how crude oil was processed to its derivatives; from seismic analysis of the soil sample, to finding crude oil in commercial quantities, to the mounting of rigs and drilling then exploration and finally production.

I was also motivated by how the bottom products from atmospheric distillation was further distilled to get other products and so thought of delving into petroleum engineering started occupying my mind , I would love to apply knowledge and skills acquired in studying chemical engineering to the oil and gas industry by specializing in petroleum engineering.

Studying an MSC in petroleum engineering will keep me abreast of the germane knowledge needed to function effectively in the petroleum industry. By having a second degree in petroleum engineering, I will be able to utilize my potential to solve the current problem in the petroleum industry.

I am particularly keen to study at the Herriot watt university because its foundations are built on practical, applied learning, and provide education that meets the needs of global industry and enables her students to fulfill their career aspirations. I have no limitations to studying in this world reckon university except for the financial threat involve, giving me adequate scholarship will enable me to fulfill my career aspirations and contribute positively to the development of my country.

May 12, 2017   #2
Huessein, if you want your application "pop" and be memorable to the reviewer, you need to remove the general presentation of your essay and instead, inform the reviewer about the reasons why you would make for a good scholarship candidate. For starters, you can discuss how you performed as a student in college. Specifically, if you had any notable academic accomplishments such as honors, awards, recognition, or breakthrough research in the field. From there, discuss your current job by highlighting the reasons why you believe that advanced studies in this field will benefit not only your career, by the development of this field as well. Perhaps you have a clean energy concept based on the foundation of petroleum engineering that you wish to pursue as an MSc student. What are your objectives for studying in this field at this university in particular that relate to that concept? Right now, the essay does not give the reviewer any specific information to base your application upon. It is boring, uninformative, and doesn't really portray you in the most impressive manner. Improve upon the presentation points that I mentioned and you should see a marked improvement in your scholarship essay almost immediately.
Well, when you're writing a scholarship essay, the idea is not to display your technical skills but to show how you beat other candidates. I'll suggest following changes:

1. Make it less technical.
2. Add your achievements and recommendations.
3. Why that scholarship is important. Add numbers.

make rough points first.