Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Martin101
Name: Martin Earley
Joined: Aug 10, 2017
Last Post: Aug 12, 2017
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
Likes: 2
From: Ireland
School: Carrick Community School

Displayed posts: 7
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Martin101   
Aug 12, 2017
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 1] the trends of the accessibility of current technology in homes in the U.K. [5]

@zeal
What's the question?

@zeal
Sorry, just noticed 'writing feedback.'

"Regarding home computer, the accessibility was only nearly 30 ..." - Without looking at graph, this sentence is saying that the CD player reached 55% in 2002/03.

Maybe try '...the usage gradually increased to about 55% in 2002/03, which is not comparable to the CD player in the same time period.'

"... in 1996/97 was (the) mobile phone..."

"...rose with wild flactuation." - 'fluctuation.'

"At('In') the end, the second place was took('taken')[R] by mobile..."

"...[R]('that')
only 10 percent of U.K. people('residents') could reach('get') their hands ('on')..."

"...but the usage of them('their usage') rose dramatically to 45 percent in 2002/03.
Martin101   
Aug 12, 2017
Scholarship / One interest that makes me different from other students [5]

Most students have an identity, an interest, or a talent that defines them in an essential way.

*Application essay topic B. Irish so will be applying as international student. Total word count: 358*

my interest in stock market



One interest that makes me different would be my interest in the stock market. From the age of 12 after a conversation with my parents in which the informed me about our families financial problems. This sparked an interest in finance. I would continuously look at the stock markets checking how companies I knew were doing. Eventually I decided to find out what all the numbers and finance lingo meant such as the market cap or dividend and yield. After reading many online articles on The Wall Street Journal (well the free ones at least) and on Yahoo! Finance, I decided to learn more about the investment side of finance.

Unfortunately, I learned that a lot of investors are the 'gambler' type using things such as 'binary options' to make a quick profit. Growing up, I learned to smart and safe with my money as it was a scarcity. After investigating many investing apps, I finally stumbled upon one called 'Rubicoin.' When I say that this was like a dream and perhaps one of the greatest moments of my life, I'm not lying. It was perfect. While not a broker, it thought me everything about investing and even had a number of recommendations and a lot of information of specific companies. They later launched two more apps, named 'Invest' and 'Learn.' I looked up the company (Rubicoin Limited) and found out something amazing. They were Irish and based out of Dublin. I loved and still love everything they do. They are almost like superheroes to me.

Rubicoin threw so much fuel on the fire and sparked so much more interest in me that I felt as though I had to continue on this path. So much so, that I decided to get in contact with them in the hopes of gaining some work experience there. When they said yes I was over the moon. I had one of the best weeks of my life and learned so much. They are only a small company of 13 employees, including Founder and Co-Founder, but they have played a massive part in charging my love and interest in finance and investment.
Martin101   
Aug 11, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process [13]

@Roman123
I'm sort of a grammar Nazi so all I can offer is grammar and sentence structure corrections.

Para 1:
Sentence 1: I would leave out bracketed sentence.
Sentence 2: "Some people consider(believe) that referring (insert 'to') others' opinion(s) before deciding(agreeing) (insert 'on') the decision is an ..."

Sentence 3: "In my view(opinion), I agree with them."

Para 2:
Sentence 1: "First and the foremost, making others part of (insert 'the'/'your') decision (insert 'makes it') is easy to come ..."

Sentence 3: "Like in (insert 'the') classroom, teachers are (insert 'can') hardly get rid (insert 'eliminate') of any (insert 'all their') mistakes, they need our students' notices."(<honestly don't know what 'they need our students' notices' means. would remove)


Sentence 5: "...because one individual is impossible to be (insert 'cannot possibly be an') expert in every field ...

Sentence 7: "So referring (insert 'to') others' opinion(s) increases the likelihood ..."

Para 3:
Sentence 1: "... listening to others' suggestion(s) enhances the whole ..."
Sentence 3: "Just imagine what it would happen if the leader is the only one to make(ing) decision(s)."

Sentence 4: "... assignments without any suggestion (insert ' contribution to the project') as well as novelty."(really not sure about 'as well as novelty')

Sentence 6: "Once I was the minster of (insert ' the') secretary department in (insert 'the'/'our') student union."
Sentence 7: "At (insert 'in')the beginning, I only distributed assignment(s) to every member and told them how to do (insert ' complete it')."

Sentence 8: "But I found out that they were so inactivity (insert 'inactive') and our tasks were hardly (insert 'barely') approved by teachers."

Sentence 9: "Finally, I changed my mind (insert 'leadership style') and every time before I made (insert 'my') decision I always ..."

Sentence 10: " Surprisingly, they became more enthusiasm (insert 'enthusiastic') than before and give (insert 'contributed') more ideas, meanwhile teachers gave high evaluation (insert 'immense praise) to our works."

Sentence 11: "Therefore, taking others' idea(s) is a good way for (insert 'a') leader to enhance the total productivity (insert 'group or organisation')."

Para 4:
Sentence 1: "The last but not the least, an (...) others' suggestion(s) because it (insert 'is') likely to establish a harmonious phenomenon(<not sure about this. maybe try 'experience')."

Sentence 2: "I believe that (insert 'the') leader shouldn't just focus on result, (insert 'but') also (insert 'the') procedure (insert 'as it') is equally important for a team.

Sentence 3: "So a harmonious phenomenon is critical."(<not sure about this)
Sentence 4: "... communication among leader(s) and members."
Sentence 5: "Later the team fill with grasp and laughter."(<again not sure. what does grasp mean in this context)
Sentence 6: "As a consequence, the team(s) relationship gets(insert 'becomes') closer and members increase their loyalty to (insert ' the') leader too."

Sentence 7: " ... an aspect to indicate effective(insert 'effectiveness')."

Para 5:
Sentence 1: "To wrap up, allowing others (insert ' to be a') part of the decision making process by leaders contributes to wise decisions as well as (insert 'contributing to the') high productivity of (insert 'the') team also establishes a harmonious phenomenon(<again not sure)."

Sentence 2: "So (insert 'I believe that') leader(s) should try (insert 'implementing) this strategy (insert' in their group or organisation)."

Sentence 3/4: "Do you remember the saying?(insert 'as the (old)(<optional) saying goes,) two minds are better than one."
Martin101   
Aug 10, 2017
Scholarship / I've been living in a bungalow my whole life - influenced environment [6]

*Application essay topic A. Irish so will be applying as international student. Total word count: 505*

What was the environment you were raised? Describe your family and explain how the shaped you today

my attitude has changed



For my whole life I have been living in a bungalow in the beautiful Irish countryside with my father, mother and younger sister. When I was born, I became the last millennial child of my whole family and shortly after my birth my mother quit her job to raise me. I was age six when my sister was born. This was a happy time for the whole family. I was so excited to have someone to play with, and to this day my sister and I get along great. My mother was never able to get her job back, or any job for that matter as with only a secondary school education (high school), employment was hard to come by. This put a strain on my father (also with only secondary school education), who would constantly work overtime to try and keep our family afloat. As a child, I never noticed any of our financial problems, which weren't helped by the world recession. For all I knew we were just like any other family. When I reached secondary school I became more aware of my family's financial constraints.

In secondary school, while I found great friends to hang out with, I always felt left out of conversations such as talk about new phones or going on holidays to far flung corners of the earth. I had never been on a plane so I would always try to either change the topic of conversation or try to side step questions on the topic to avoid embarrassment.

It didn't take me long to realise that what I was doing was wrong and cowardly. My parents did everything they could for my sister and I to have the best lives possible and I am certain that they will continue to help and guide us in everything we do in our lives. It was this taught that made me change my attitude. My family shaped who I am today with their help and guidance through all the difficult times we have been through, and I believe that they will continue to mold me into a harder worker and even better person (because no one's perfect, right?).

I am now entering my final year (12th grade) of secondary school and I am going to be giving up my lunch times for the academic year as a mentor so I can help and guide the new students who have come to our school. I hope I can support them and be there in a time of need, just as my parents were, and still are, for me. I still haven't been on a plane, and I have the same phone that I had four years ago, but that's not going to stop me from working hard to reach my dream of become a financial advisor so that I can help other people provide for their families, and so I can help my own children be as hard working and as caring as my parents have thought, and shaped me to be.
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