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[Toefl] an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process


"Two minds are better than one".


How often we hear about such word like these. Definitely, the wisdom implicated in this saying can be applied to the strategy of an effective leader. I believe that, for leaders, considering others' opinions always end with exceptional results.

Referring to others' opinions always results in wise decisions. In general, a big company always sets a board of directors leaded by a head. Before the company make a decision, all the members hold a conference, and during the meeting everyone votes or gives their own suggestion. The purpose of such conference is to make a wise decision finally. Without doubt, the decision proposed by one individual is characterized with personal preference and is hardly accepted by majority. On the contrast, one decision, which has been tested by others or improved according to others' opinions, is likely fond by many of people. In a word, the decision condensing some people's wisdom is better than that from only one person.

Seeing from the eyesight of team members, it will increase their contributions if they can be one of the decision makers. Everyone has the tendency to gain others' appreciation. When the leader will consider other's opinion, if a decision made by one team member is thought highly by others, that member will easily feel a sense of achievement. Therefore, in their future work, more delicate designs or more high-level advices will be produced. However, in a team, where all the decisions are made by leader, what other else will do is just waiting the assignments and complete it on time. All of those good ideas or suggestions reflected on minds will be buried in heart because of the impossibility of being considered. So with different leaders, members in the former group will make more contributions, in turn, the whole team can develop better.

Finally, allowing others take part in making decisions, create a humorous phenomenon. Decisions only made by leader, result in missing the communication among team members, because the only character should be talked with is the leader. If others can take part in decision making process, communication among team members will often occur. Communication creates a time for people to be familiar with others, at the meantime, also a chance to study from each other. As a consequence, each one are tend to consider others, the whole phenomenon is so harmonious

that everyone would like to work in.

In general, making others part of the decision making process is a good choice.

Hei, friends, I think my article is kind of too vague, that is to say I fail to use some details to proof my point, do you think so? If you have some good examples to match my points, please give me your advise. I really appreciate your help, thank you.

@Roman123
Hello, my compatriot. Here's my advice for you.

First and foremost, you should have included the prompts, or more plainly, all information the test question includes. Without prompts, none can access your essay appropriately. There are obliging and authorative contributors here. They will with alacrity click into your thread and provide your detail recommendations. However, they are allowed to review each essay only once, which means if it's up to them to inform you of prompts-missing, you will lose the precious oppotunity to obtail effective help.

As to vagueness, I assume the reason is that you failed to work out an outline. E.G.

Opinion: I think an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process.

Central arguments1: it can strengthen cooperation.

Proof and details to support the argument:
1.to exchange of ideas
2.to consider others' opinion
3.to work out the decision collectively
...

If you had fully developed such a outline, your essay would have been by no means 'vague' but 'logically coherent".
@LadyOfClockwork
thanks for your advice and your notice, also nice to meet you. I will follow your suggestion to modify my article and when I finish it i will set a new thread.
Good introduction, but as the former reviewer points out I am not sure if you promptly think about this maxim in the testing place.

Blurred supporting messages. You want to say it is effective to make others participate in the decision making. Because it results in a wise decision and it is also helpful to consider diverse opinions. I think that the level of both two supporting message is conflicting. Rather than different reasons, former supporting rely on second supporting message.

This is what you want to say.
'This is good because it will result in a wise decision. Why? we can take account for various points of views. '

Since you basically rely on one coherent logic, you don't need to separate two paragraph. Instead, you can put another reason why you support this. You can say it motivates all members to take responsibility and then result in good outcome.
@Katthew Kim
I have finished another article with the same topic, and maybe it gets rid of the mistakes you have mentioned. By the way how do you think about the third supporting point? One of my friend said that wasn't good enough.
Aug 10, 2017   #6
Man, I have done my best to wait for you to upload the TOEFL prompt instructions before saying something about the work that you have done on the essay. I can wait no longer because you are starting to get advice that feeds your ego but does not really help you improve as an academic writer, which is what the TOEFL essay requires you to represent in your essay.

As Gang pointed out, the lack of proper prompt instructions will prevent me from offering you a detailed analysis of your work which could have helped you improve in the way that you write certain types of essays. However, that will not prevent me from offering you a general review of your work.

You are right about your essay not having a focal point and being all over the place. This is caused by the lack of focus and proper reasoning in your discussion paragraphs. While you did write an applicable 4 paragraphs worth of discussion material, the fact that you discussed 2 sides each time in every paragraph caused you to not create an totally applicable response to whatever prompt it is your are trying to respond to.

Each paragraph that you wrote only qualifies as a quarter of a response. Not a full response. This happens why you try to show off your English vocabulary skills instead of your English thinking and reasoning skills. The latter being the very reason that you are taking the test in the first place. Focusing your response to only one reason and then developing supporting data in order to prove your point is better than doing a side by side analysis of the 2 sides of every reason in one paragraph. The best written essays are the ones that offer one pro and one con discussion per paragraph. Not inclusively in each paragraph.

In all honesty, I cannot figure out the direction your essay is trying to take. I really wish that you had uploaded the instructions for the essay instead of just letting it slide. Like Gang said, I can only help you if you provide me with the instructions for the essay. Only then can I point out the problem points and offer insights as to how you can improve your work.
Merged:

[TOFEL] An effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process



prompt: an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process

There are many aspects(or standards will be better?) to evaluate whether a leader could be identified as effective. Some people consider that referring others' opinion before deciding the decision is an important quality for an effective leader. In my view, I agree with them.

First and the foremost, making others part of decision is easy to come up with a wise one. On the one hand, it can avoid some mistakes. Everyone will make mistakes and tend to ignore them. Like in classroom, teachers are hardly get rid of any mistakes, they need our students' notices. Similarly, leaders also need others to correct their decisions. On the other hand, some individuals together can propose a more comprehensive idea, because one individual is impossible to be expert in every field while more people can cover wider fields. For example, many big companies set a broad of directors to come up with a decision together. So referring others' opinion increases the likelihood of a wise decision.

Apart from wise decisions, listening to others' suggestion enhances the whole team's productivity. That is because everyone's contribution is more than before. Just imagine what it would happen if the leader is the only one to make decision. The only thing employees will do is stiffly accomplish their assignments without any suggestion as well as novelty. I recall my own case. Once I was the minster of secretary department in student union. At the beginning, I only distributed assignment to every member and told them how to do. But I found out that they were so inactivity and our tasks were hardly approved by teachers. Finally, I changed my mind and every time before I made decision I always collected other members' ideas. Surprisingly, they became more enthusiasm than before and give more ideas, meanwhile teachers gave high evaluation to our works. Therefore, taking others' idea is a good way for leader to enhance the total productivity.

The last but not the least, an effective leader should refer to others' suggestion because it likely to establish a harmonious phenomenon. I believe that leader shouldn't just focus on result, also procedure is equally important for a team. So a harmonious phenomenon is critical. Referring to others' opinions creates more communication among leader and members. Later the team fill with grasp and laughter. As a consequence, the team relationship gets closer and members increase their loyalty to leader too. Hence, harmony is also an aspect to indicate effective.

To wrap up, allowing others part of the decision making process by leaders contributes to wise decisions as well as high productivity of team also establishes a harmonious phenomenon. So leader should try this strategy. Do you remember the saying? Two minds are better than one.
@Holt
hi,I have already wrote a new essay about the same topic, if you have time, could you also see my that essay?

And could I bother you to solve my following problem according to my another article?(I have paste the link at the last)
problem:
I am confused about such topic "an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process"; I have two solution: first, should I raise three arguments to proof that making others part of making decision process could lead to effective? second, could I point out three or two benefits that come along with making others part of making decision process?

Thanks for your reading and suggestion
@Roman123
I'm sort of a grammar Nazi so all I can offer is grammar and sentence structure corrections.

Para 1:
Sentence 1: I would leave out bracketed sentence.
Sentence 2: "Some people consider(believe) that referring (insert 'to') others' opinion(s) before deciding(agreeing) (insert 'on') the decision is an ..."

Sentence 3: "In my view(opinion), I agree with them."

Para 2:
Sentence 1: "First and the foremost, making others part of (insert 'the'/'your') decision (insert 'makes it') is easy to come ..."

Sentence 3: "Like in (insert 'the') classroom, teachers are (insert 'can') hardly get rid (insert 'eliminate') of any (insert 'all their') mistakes, they need our students' notices."(<honestly don't know what 'they need our students' notices' means. would remove)


Sentence 5: "...because one individual is impossible to be (insert 'cannot possibly be an') expert in every field ...

Sentence 7: "So referring (insert 'to') others' opinion(s) increases the likelihood ..."

Para 3:
Sentence 1: "... listening to others' suggestion(s) enhances the whole ..."
Sentence 3: "Just imagine what it would happen if the leader is the only one to make(ing) decision(s)."

Sentence 4: "... assignments without any suggestion (insert ' contribution to the project') as well as novelty."(really not sure about 'as well as novelty')

Sentence 6: "Once I was the minster of (insert ' the') secretary department in (insert 'the'/'our') student union."
Sentence 7: "At (insert 'in')the beginning, I only distributed assignment(s) to every member and told them how to do (insert ' complete it')."

Sentence 8: "But I found out that they were so inactivity (insert 'inactive') and our tasks were hardly (insert 'barely') approved by teachers."

Sentence 9: "Finally, I changed my mind (insert 'leadership style') and every time before I made (insert 'my') decision I always ..."

Sentence 10: " Surprisingly, they became more enthusiasm (insert 'enthusiastic') than before and give (insert 'contributed') more ideas, meanwhile teachers gave high evaluation (insert 'immense praise) to our works."

Sentence 11: "Therefore, taking others' idea(s) is a good way for (insert 'a') leader to enhance the total productivity (insert 'group or organisation')."

Para 4:
Sentence 1: "The last but not the least, an (...) others' suggestion(s) because it (insert 'is') likely to establish a harmonious phenomenon(<not sure about this. maybe try 'experience')."

Sentence 2: "I believe that (insert 'the') leader shouldn't just focus on result, (insert 'but') also (insert 'the') procedure (insert 'as it') is equally important for a team.

Sentence 3: "So a harmonious phenomenon is critical."(<not sure about this)
Sentence 4: "... communication among leader(s) and members."
Sentence 5: "Later the team fill with grasp and laughter."(<again not sure. what does grasp mean in this context)
Sentence 6: "As a consequence, the team(s) relationship gets(insert 'becomes') closer and members increase their loyalty to (insert ' the') leader too."

Sentence 7: " ... an aspect to indicate effective(insert 'effectiveness')."

Para 5:
Sentence 1: "To wrap up, allowing others (insert ' to be a') part of the decision making process by leaders contributes to wise decisions as well as (insert 'contributing to the') high productivity of (insert 'the') team also establishes a harmonious phenomenon(<again not sure)."

Sentence 2: "So (insert 'I believe that') leader(s) should try (insert 'implementing) this strategy (insert' in their group or organisation)."

Sentence 3/4: "Do you remember the saying?(insert 'as the (old)(<optional) saying goes,) two minds are better than one."
@Martin101 I have some explanation and questions. If you have time, thanks for your patience to look over them.
Para 2:
Sentence 3: "Like in (insert 'the') classroom, teachers are (insert 'can') hardly get rid (insert 'eliminate') of any (insert 'all their') mistakes, they need our students' notices."(<honestly don't know what 'they need our students' notices' means. would remove)

Explanation: might be I left "so", that is to say "Like in the classroom, teachers can hardly get eliminate of all their mistakes, so they need our students' notices to correct some errors."

Para 3:
Sentence 4: "... assignments without any suggestion (insert ' contribution to the project') as well as novelty."(really not sure about 'as well as novelty')
Explanation: novelty means creation(actually I don't sure if this word makes you clear). I want to express that employee can add some creative elements to their assignments right. But if I take your advice and use "the contribution to the project" before, I no more need to add such noun again, because it is included in the former range?

Para4:
Sentence 3: "So a harmonious phenomenon is critical."(<not sure about this)
Explanation:sorry for my wrong spelling, I want to mean "crucial"
Sentence 5: "Later the team fill with grasp and laughter."(<again not sure. what does grasp mean in this context)
Explanation:wrong spelling again, "gossip/talk", could you fit it in the context now?

Now I want to explain the meaning of the word "phenomenon" repeatedly occurring in the Para4 to you: actually I want to deliver the meaning of "environment", but here, I want to emphasize the sense of human. In other word, "to enable people work in an comfortable environment" is my initial purpose, so I use the word "phenomenon". In fact, I was hesitate to use this word "phenomenon", because I was not sure if it is suitable.
Great day!

I have a couple of corrections to make on your essay.

First, I think it is time we began to correct the saying: Two heads are better than one. Of course, just any two heads cannot be better than one good head. It will be safer to say: Two good heads are better than one.

Referring to others' opinions always results in wise decisions.------- It is not every person's opinion that is sound, solid and safe to make a reference to. There is an over-generalization in that statement. While some opinions are dangerous to consider, some other opinions are just a great fit for a better decision for a more effective and productive output. To be on a safe side, it's better to say: Referring in some people's opinion always...

... a board of directors leaded by a head. Before the company make a decision...------- Note that 'led' is the past tense of the lexical verb 'lead' (...board of directors led by a head). Also, the collective noun 'company' is functioning in the singular here and as such, going by the first rule of Concord (subject-verb agreement), the singular noun 'company' must go with the singular verb 'makes,' not make.

... take part in making decisions,create a humorous phenomenon.----- Few corrections: there is no need for a comma after 'decisions.' I guess you meant to say: Decisions only made by the/a leader result in... because the only character that should be talked with/to is the leader.

Communication creates a time for people to be familiar with others...-------- It is better to say: ...to be familiar with others; in the meantime,... As a consequence, each one tends to consider others...
@Roman123
Good arguments and explanations. Other than those mistakes I found, it a very good and informative read in which you made good points. Thanks for explaining those few to me, all clear now.


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