Writing Feedback / What are the good things and bad things about the place you live in? (Toefl) [2]

Q) Following is the Tofel Topic and I completed it in 30 Minutes .Please suggest How I can improve this within given time ?And if possible please also let me know how much score can I get with this essay

Topic :What are the good things and bad things about the place you live in? (Tofel Topic)

Every body wants to live in a place which is neat and clean,green and occupied by nice and gentle people . I am fortunate enough to get such place which is in outskirt of Delhi, capital of India . Good things I noticed in my place are it has all basic facilities like Good hospitals, police station ,fire station within 2 km radius of my home , it has Green parks after every 100m .Some bad things which I noticed in my place are poor transport facility ,bad water and electricity supply .

First I like to share pleasing things which I found around my home . There is greenary all around ,we have number of beautiful gardens after every 100 m , It is very neat and clean place well managed by Ansals authority , It is very near to international airport which is just 10 km from my home , It has all basic facilities like good schools ,colleges ,hospitals , police station ,fire station ,shopping malls .Moreover people staying here are very cultured and cooperative . Above qualities really make me feel highly graced that I have home in such a beautiful place like in childhood ,I had my many parks to play in ,I had best schools of city within 1 km from my home . In addition to this I got admission in an engineering college which is just 2 km from my home and have rank third in country which had given me chance to get state of art education while staying at my home . After this I got selected in company which is just 5 km from my home .So because of all this facilities my life passed very comfortably

In addition to above positive features there are also some negative features like shortage of electricity ,water and public transport . In our area there is electric cut for around six hours everyday .Water supply is also unhygienic and not sufficient which have made our life terrible to live .Moreover public transport facility is also unsatisfactory due which we cut down from main city like Delhi .It take us around two hours to reach Delhi Railway

station due bad facility which would have taken half an hour if we have sufficient transport facility .

In light of above points I can conclude that the place where I live have both good and bad points like two sides of coin.

Writing Feedback / 'discussion in Indian parliament' Teens have paid jobs during studying? (Toefl) [8]

Q) Following is the Tofel Topic and I completed it in 30 Minutes .Please suggest How I can improve this within given time ?And if possible please also let me know how much score can I get with this essay

Topic :Should teenagers have paid jobs while they are students? (Tofel Topic)

There was a discussion in Indian parliament about whether student or teenager should be allowed to do job while studying or not . Some delegates gave opinion in its favour as they think that job while studying will give student better financial status to afford there studies .

On the other hand some opposed this opinion thinking that job at teenage age which is between(15-19 years ) is not good because after job students will not able to concentrate well on there studies which will decrease their performance in education and hence level of talent a country can produce get degraded .

Job at such small age can also effect their health badly .

First and foremost reason to deny work for teenager is that they will not able to focus on their studies which is there prime duty. After getting job student have too spend most of his time at his workplace and hardly get two to three hours per day for studies which I think it is insufficient to face cut throat competition in market . This will going to decrease there performance and quality of professional which a country can produce .

In addition to this looking at their young age employer can exploit them by giving them very low level jobs which can make them very tired and making them difficult to study after going home . Moreover at teenage students are not mature enough to know where to invest money so they can invest money in activities like gambling , movies ,drinking ,smoking which I think is not good at their age.

Second reason for my refusal of part time jobs at such a small age is it can badly effect their health. Employer mostly try to exploit young age student looking at their immatureness and by giving them work which is hazardous for their health .Example of this kind happened in my locality just two months back where a 16 year child was expired while working in a cracker company .

In light of above points I can conclude that work at teenager age is neither good for individual nor for country .Hence it should be banned at every cost.

Thanks and Regards

SAURABH JAIN