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Posts by ioannidis007
Joined: Sep 12, 2009
Last Post: Feb 23, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  


Displayed posts: 7
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ioannidis007   
Feb 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / Compare & Contrast "The Two Friends" - feedback. [4]

You are repeating yourself in some points. For example, you have said that they are different in

"their appearances, their views on cleaning, their views on sports, their views on fun, and their views on religion. "

Many times over. If you insist on keeping that, try rephrasing a bit.

Change:
"how to be a righteous man and a virtue heart." ->
"how to be a righteous man and have a virtuous heart."

"where he met tons of new friends." ->
"where he can meet tons of new friends."

"he thinks is a best basketball player among that sport." ->
"he regards as the best basketball player in the world."

Overall, its a good essay. Straight to the point. Good job!
ioannidis007   
Feb 9, 2011
Undergraduate / Greece: opinion you had to defend, in conflict with the beliefs of the majority [5]

Essay A
Tell us about an opinion that you have had to defend or
an incident in your life which placed you in conflict with the
beliefs of a majority of people and explain how this affected
your value system.(500 words)


Being born and breed in Greece has, without a doubt, many advantages. The food is both tasteful and healthy, the weather is great and no matter where you live in Greece, the sea is always nearby. The people are warm-hearted, with a natural sense of humor and friendly even to strangers. On the other hand, when it comes to management and government finances, the Greeks made some huge mistakes in the past. Because of this, I had to defend myself and my people many times over the past few years and it wasn't a mean feat.

Greece has been in the center of discussions between economists worldwide. The enormous debt, the disorganized public sector and the appearance of one political scandal after another, made the Greeks look like the freeloaders of the European Union. Suddenly the Internet was overflowing with offensive articles, who called us thieves and frauds, unfit to inherit the Greek cultural heritage. I tried to answer to every article, explaining how the majority of my people are honest, hard-working men and women.

How labeling every citizen of Greece a fraud is racial discrimination.

A few months later, on September of 2010 I traveled to the United Kingdom as I was admitted to the Imperial College of London. My goal was to find a scholarship, or a part time job that could cover my living expenses, and study there for four years in a Masters in Engineering course. However, on arriving in College, the first thing anyone would ask me was related to the economical depression and my country's debt. I would tell them that not everything they hear in the news is true and that my people are doing their best to stabilize our economy. Some would go as far as to say that a debt this high can never be paid off in full and that Greece would be bankrupt by the end of the year. But I knew my parents, my friends and every other Greek citizen worked very hard to improve the situation back home. Thousands of people were working on the minimum wage. Many others lost their jobs. Small businesses closed every day. I defended these people and their struggles with all my strength.

Other problems appeared as well, during my stay in the UK. No matter how thoroughly I searched, I couldn't find a single scholarship or a job. Financial aid was only offered to UK, Scotland and Wales citizens and by the time I got to London, most of the places for part time jobs had already been filled.

So I though of taking a student loan in order to pay for my first year expenses. I turned to a private loans company that was stationed close to college. I was rendered speechless when the student loans executive informed me that my loan application has been rejected. The reason was that neither me or any other Greek citizen was trustworthy at that time, due to my country's enormous debt. He suggested, however, that I apply for a consumer loan, with a higher interest rate. I thanked him politely and left his office.

At that time it was obvious to me that I couldn't stay in the UK any longer. Not only was I offended by the prejudice of these people, I could not afford to stay in London anymore. I took the first plane back home. I was going to study at the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki, the university with probably the best engineering course in Greece. I want to believe that this experience was good for me. At first I was vastly frustrated, but I managed to turn my frustration to a strong resolve. Now I wish to succeed in whatever I do in my life and make all Greek people proud again.

-Ioannidis Leftys

It's about 600 words instead of 500, but I think it is worth the extra words. I couldn't tell my story with only 500 words. Thanks.
ioannidis007   
Sep 12, 2009
Writing Feedback / When a baby comes to this world, the first man they meet are his/her parents... [3]

Is this a common app short essay, a long one or something else? Your essay lacks proper grammar and syntax. And you also need to justify a lot of the things you write for example:

Image that when you are in trouble, who will be the person you will ask for? The answer is absolutely the parents.

Why? Some may ask their friends, teachers or even the internet, but still not ask their parents. Maybe you should focus on your own relationship with your parents instead of talking generally.
ioannidis007   
Sep 12, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Topic of Choice Essay "tumbling down the rabbit hole" [2]

Tumbling down the rabbit hole

"Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit
with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again."

I felt this when I got my first computer at home. At first I felt rather intimidated. Neither one of my parents or anyone among my friends managed to understand how it worked. I was 9 years old so I thought I didn't stand a chance against a device that even grown ups couldn't figure out. I spent a week starring at it with owe and intimidation. But I couldn't resist. Driven by a burning curiosity just like Alice, I decided I should give it a try.

For my computer offered an endless amount of possibilities. It could answer sincerely to everything that I asked. It would never make a mistake unless I did one first. It would be my trustworthy friend. Fascinated by its concrete logic I spent a great deal of my time trying to master it. While many of my friends at school discussed the latest computer games, I would talk about the latest computer viruses and ways to deal with them. Every day I would make a new discovery, with the same look of surprise mixed with fascination on my face. I was falling down the rabbit hole fast and had no idea where the bottom was.

Then a door to another world opened. A world, full of knowledge and information, rushing through the phone line fast and uncontrollably. I was in wonderland. I found more information than I ever dreamed of. More than I could handle. I thought of myself as ignorant and small in front of all this knowledge, but I also felt tempted to explore this new world. Tempted to reach information inaccessible to me before, tempted to learn.

Everything in my life changed. I felt a newfound desire for knowledge. At school, I was most interested in mathematics and physics, and I did my best to broaden my understanding on these subjects. Also, I was lucky enough to have the right teachers. They were carring and willing to teach me things outside the school curriculum, and for that I am grateful. Of course they were some exception. My 6th grade teacher used to say "This is how it is. I will not elaborate on this any further. You wouldn't understand it anyway...". But I did. I looked it up on the internet and I did understand it. For the first time I didn't need teachers to acquire knowledge. For knowledge was free and open to me to harvest it. I guess I should thank my 6th grade teacher for making me realise that.

Now I keep moving forward. I try to learn something new every day. I am now twice as old as when I first pushed the "on" button, but still burning with curiosity. Even though I managed to understand how the computers, the internet, and everything in wonderland works, I am still not satisfied. Now I am ready to indulge in a world bigger and more complicated. The real world.

What do you think of my essay?
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