Writing Feedback / Help ! Ielts writing task 1 about the percentage of men and women regular exercise [2]

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart indicates the proportion of Australian men and women in different age stages who exercised regularly in 2010.
It is clear that female did more regular physical activity than male in most of the age groups of women, except for the age of 15-24.

It is significant that women in the age of 45-54 exercised the most, with 53.3%, while 52.8% of male between the age 15-24 exercised considerably. On the other hand, men in 35-44 seldom exercised, with 39.5%, compared to women 65 and over, which is the least exercise age group has a greater percentage of doing physical activity regularly than men, with 47.1%. Moreover, there was a notable difference at the age of 35-44 between male and female on working out consistently, with 13%.

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Writing Feedback / Ielts Writing task 2 about Married women and teens [2]

working mothers - kids issue

Ielts Question: The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

My opinion:
In the tradition family setting, mothers usually pay all their attention on their family while fathers go to work and earn money. The role of mothers has changed, and they have begun to work; however, it may lead teenagers become rebellious. I think married women who work are not associate with those problems because not all the responsibility should be blamed on mothers, and teenagers have their freedom to explore.

First and foremost, not all the responsibility should be blamed on mothers. This is a cliche idea that mother should be the role to take care of children traditionally. For example, it is ridiculous that the kids grown up in singled family would involve in crimes because their mothers work. If the mother work and the kids stay at home, they will cook and tidy up by themselves, so that they become more independent. Moreover, school is the institution for kids to learn and stay in the most of their earlier life. They learn the moral and ethics in there. Therefore, children should take their own responsibility.

In addition, teenagers have their freedom to explore the world. Teenagers have their own thoughts, and they are capable to classify what is right or wrong. Therefore, they own their decisions. If mothers always take care of her children, both of them will get tired in mental health. For example, teenagers want to take drugs without noticing their mothers because they know that is illegal. Sometimes it is hard for parents to check their children frequently, for the reason that they know it will damage their relationship.

To conclude, I think many married women work and are not at home to care for their children is not the main reason that cause teenagers' problems because children should be responsible and they have their decisions. So, young people should be aware of what they are doing.

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