Writing Feedback / Age problem in choosing a leader for an organization [3]

Hello everyone, could you please help me to grade my essay with IELTS criterias (Task Achievement, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy)

young and energetic or an older and experienced leader

Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

The question should a young or an older people take a managerial position has been around for so many years. While I accept that older people must be a better choice to play in leader role, I also believe that being a young leader has some advantages.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why people should hire senior people for leadership positions. One reason is that a well mature person will have more knowledge and experience to tackle tough situation. Being aged means equally to have a long intense time of learning for new knowledge and to be able to apply that knowledge into real life circumstance in previous companies. Furthermore, older people tend to be more calm and patient. To be specific, these qualities will help them to take a step back, allow them to see thing as the big picture in order to make the best decision for an organization.

On the other hand, employment has different reasons to choose young people. Firstly, creativity is extremely important when it comes to be a leader and young people tend to be more outweigh in this aspect. If a company is in computer science industry which involves and high level of new ideas generating, then choosing a senior leader whose ideas is always fixed will not be appropriated. Secondly, junior people are more dynamic than the other. Many people believe that being around with young and energetic co-workers make them feel more alive and this could help them to bring up their working performance.

In conclusion, it is certainly true that being older can be an important factor to choose a leader, but this is by no means that the key consideration for every organization in making decide who is better to in charge.

Thank you very much for your grading.

Anna.

Writing Feedback / More and more burden over young people with the expectations in the modern world [2]

Hi everyone, I'm taking the ielts test at the end of this summer and my target is 8 in overall.
Could you guys give me a few advices on how to develop on my writing. The writing task 2 is below, please help me to grade it and if it possible, please also advise me how much i can get from below essay (on the scale from 1 to 9).

Thank you very much guys

children in stress

Task 2: Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? (cause: life always has the tendency to more forward, solution: let young children grow in their own way, focus more on self-identity)

There is no doubt that family and society are putting more and more burden over young people with the expectation of growth in education, social development and financial matters. This essay will address some of the root cause of rising in standard of identity and propose solutions to these problems.

Firstly, the cause for this matter is that aspects such as academic knowledge, communication, and financial matter are often considered as criteria to judge the ability to move forward of an individual, therefore people believe putting pressure on those aspects will act as a motivation for children in order to bring up the general life of society. For specific, after many centuries of development, life in general always has the tendency to move up, therefore it is reasonable for parents and society to put more desire to grow onto children with the hope that they will bring about more innovation into the world.

How to cut back on pressure over young people is what need to be concentrated on today. Proposing a solution for this problem could be let children sprout in their own way. Furthermore, adults should shift their focus to self-identity which is also known as allowing children to discover their own potential during their growing up. In this way, young people will have the opportunity to learn more about their personalities and what to do in the future that suits best with them.

In conclusion, the problem that many children have to be under pressure from aspects such as education, social and commercial expectation could be resonated in desire to better of adults and the pressures would likely reduce by letting children free to grow.