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Posts by catherineb
Joined: Sep 20, 2009
Last Post: Nov 9, 2009
Threads: 4
Posts: 9  

Displayed posts: 13
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catherineb   
Oct 4, 2009
Undergraduate / "Mommy, why does she look so funny?" [7]

this is a very touchign story but i think you should talk more about yourself than her, give the little tidbit about her disabilities and then explain why you appreciate her and what you have learned, focus the essay on yourself more, since after all, you're the one who's applying to college, they want to know more about you. and don't put yourself down "This lady is more outgoing and welcoming than I", be humble but always bring out your best characteristics when you write
catherineb   
Oct 3, 2009
Undergraduate / "on our way to Africa" - rutgers admission [3]

I think I agree with you, start anew, and try to think about the prompt more, is this supposed to be a "cultural experience"? what is the topic of this essay?
catherineb   
Oct 3, 2009
Undergraduate / 'my native Puerto Rico' - UCF -environment in which you were raised [3]

I was born in sunny Puerto Rico, home of the coqui, a sort of "singing frog". I spent the first eleven years of my life there, happily surrounded with family and friends. But in 2004 my parents announced we were moving to China, I was unhappy but I moved anyway. However, once I was in China, everything improved. I had a chance to learn about other cultures and spend my middle school years in a school that was more like college than an average middle school. We went on class trips to other countries, and met people of many different countries. I also learned French, and some Chinese. And as soon as I'd fallen in love with the city of Shanghai, where I lived, my parents decided to move to Florida, where I currently reside. That was another maelstrom in my life, and it took me a while to get used to my new strict Catholic school after attending an international school in China, but I learned to cope and now I am doing great in school and have made many friends that I can always count on. After those two moves I matured a lot and I appreciated other cultures and other people more than if I'd stayed in my native Puerto Rico.

any feedback would be appreciated. :)
catherineb   
Oct 3, 2009
Undergraduate / My first name Omowumi, given to me by my mother means: "I love my child" in Yoruba [7]

I really like your essay but try to find other ways to say "connect" because it seems a bit reptitive, and also in the last paragraph you mention "Nigerian culture" quite a lot so it just becomes repetitive, try to find other ways to convey what you want to say, but overall a good essay :)
catherineb   
Oct 3, 2009
Undergraduate / I'm like a lot of things - UCF What qualities or unique characteristics [3]

I've been told I'm like a lot of things, a ball of energy, a breath of fresh air, a ray of sunshine, but the one I find the most accurate and the most amusing is a hummingbird. I'm like a hummingbird because I'm energetic, and I seem to be in all places at once. That humming sound? While some may find it annoying, it really is the way I speak, fast and loud, I let myself be heard and I stand up for what I believe in. Hummingbirds are also quite bright in their coloration, and I'm bright like them, only in a different way, I'm intelligent and like to challenge myself and try new things. And just like hummingbirds, important pollinators, I am determined to do my job well, whether it's volunteering at a local charity or just doing my homework, I always put in my best effort.

Is this good enough? I need some feedback, what can I add or take out?
catherineb   
Oct 3, 2009
Undergraduate / UCF "Bump in the Road" (Experimental Drugs) [5]

Honestly, this essay is more about your friend than yourself. With this prompt you're supposed to explain an obstacle in your life, and how you overcame it and became a better person yet you talk mroe about your friend than you. you're supposed to show yourself off to the college, and let them know mroe about you, not your friend. So try to fix that
catherineb   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / "I'm like a lot of things" - Is this good? UCF/Tufts [6]

Both essay questions are basically the same "what qualities or unique characteristics do you posses that will allow you to contribute to *insert school*? What are you like? What voice will you bring to the class of 2014 etc.

I think this is a rather creative approach but I need some help with it, it's my first try so I know there's thigns I need to fix, so any help would be appreciated, thanks.

I've been told I'm like a lot of things, a ball of energy, a breath of fresh air, an innocent kitten, but the one I find the most accurate and the most enjoyable is a hummingbird. I'm like a hummingbird because I'm energetic, and I seem to be in all places at once. That humming sound? While some may find it annoying, it really is the way I speak, fast and loud, I let myself be heard and I stand up for what I believe in. Hummingbirds are also quite bright in their coloration, and I'm bright like them, only in a different way, I'm intelligent and like to challenge myself and try new things. And just like hummingbirds, important pollinators, I am determined to do my job well, whether it's volunteering at a local charity or just doing my homework, I always put in my best effort.
catherineb   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / ""You what? You lived in China!" - Common App Essay. is this good enough? [3]

"You what? You lived in China!" That is usually the reaction I get when people ask me where I lived before I moved to Florida. Yes, I lived in China. I remember, before I moved to China, my family went to a counseling session that explained the changes that we were going to go through. The counselor used a metaphor involving clay to show us how moving would affect us. She took a ball of red clay and said, "This is what you are now, one person, one culture" then she took chunks out of other balls of clay - blue, green, yellow - and mixed them with the red one and said "This is what you will be when you have experienced living abroad, you will be a mix of different colors, you will absorb all the cultures you come across and they will become part of you." I didn't really understand what she meant then, but when I look at how I am now, how I've changed since that moment, I realize she was completely right.

At first, I didn't want to move, I didn't want to leave Puerto Rico, my home. But I had no choice, I moved in the summer of 2004, when I was 11. The first two months were a nightmare. I wanted to go back home, to my friends, to a place where I felt I belonged. Random memories would play through my mind, my house in Puerto Rico, the entrance filled with muddy footprints from all the times people had gone in and out, the smell of brownies and pizza wafting through the air and the sound of laughter that could be heard in all the nearby houses, and being in the terrace at the back of the house, gathered with my friends, talking and singing silly songs. I'd try to push the memories away, but I could feel them pressing against the back of my eyes in the form of tears threatening to spill out. This would often happen in the weeks before I entered school, but when I entered school, everything started looking up. I made friends quickly and started doing quite well in school. At that school, I found myself in a community of different people, they came from all I walks of life. Some were from different countries than me, others had different religions, others just different opinions, but all of us were bound together by one situation. Most of us were far away from our homes trying to adapt to living in a place with a very different culture from our own. But this school, this international community, gave everyone a sense of belonging.

Many of the friends I made there, are still my friends today, we made some great memories during those times. Like the time we went on a school trip and kayaked through a river and even went mud bathing deep inside some caves in Yangshuo, China. Now that I live in Florida, I still remember those days fondly. During those years, I went through experiences that completely changed my view of the world. By living in such a multicultural community, I learned to be tolerant of others and their differences. I learned to appreciate other cultures and was also greatly influenced by them. But not only did I learn from others, I also contributed my own part. I also became a more mature person with more worldly views. And just like that counselor had said long ago, all the cultures I came across became a part of me in one way or another, and even though sometimes I miss China, now I am ready to take on a new great stage in my life, college life.
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