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Posts by btoguntade
Name: Babatunde
Joined: Sep 23, 2018
Last Post: Oct 14, 2018
Threads: 4
Posts: 5  
From: Nigeria

Displayed posts: 9
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btoguntade   
Oct 14, 2018
Scholarship / The necessary platform to acquire the required knowledge and experience; Chosen courses essay [3]

Kindly provide some feedback on my chosen university courses essay. Thanks!

solutions for businesses



For as long as I can remember, I have been interested in technology, specifically computer-related technologies. This guided my decision to study for a bachelor's degree in Computer Engineering. While undergoing my internship in my penultimate year in the university, I began to develop an interest in the interchange between technology and business. This caused me to adjust my outlook and informed my choice of profession where I consult and design technology solutions for businesses.

With this mind, I have selected three programs at top schools in the United Kingdom that I am certain will equip me with the right knowledge and skill set;

Information Technology Management and Organisational Change at {School 1} is my first choice. {School 1} is one of the leading universities in the United Kingdom. The program, in particular, is a perfect blend of information technology and business. I went through every course module to get a clear idea of what the course entails and I found it to be the ideal course for me. The program also places a strong emphasis on continuous engagements with industry experts which include Chief Technology Officers, Chief Executive Officers, consultants, etc, through seminars and workshops which I look forward to. All these ensure that it is practical intensive. These various components and the respective learnings are important particularly as I am active in a startup venture.

Information Technology with Business and Management at the {School 2} is my second choice. While the program I have selected is more technical than my other choices because it contains some software technology classes, I have the background required to fit in. However, my primary reason for picking this program is its wide array of optional modules which I find to be quite interesting particularly, the desire to view information technology through the lenses of the European and Asian business landscape. These markets are causing great disruption in the technology industry and I am excited that studying them is a part of this program.

Information Management and Business Technology at {School 3} is my third choice. With an emphasis on service management and business relationships, the Information management and business technology program offers a balance between solution design and client engagement. It also addresses leadership which is vital to business growth.


While I have stated my choices in order of preference, the quality of the schools and the respective programs leave me assured that an education at any of them will provide the necessary platform to acquire the required knowledge and experience for my entrepreneurial ambitions.
btoguntade   
Oct 14, 2018
Scholarship / Can anyone help me with the essay for Endeavour Scholarships and Fellowships application ? [4]

Hello Hsuan,

I don't think your essay properly speaks to the topic in question. While you talked about the internship and the kind of work you will get to do, you didn't speak to the outcome for you as a person. What will it result into for you? Also, don't just say "I will know the details of the internship before the session starts". State the reason why you don't have the information. You want the reader to be aware that there is a particular reason why the information is not available as opposed to thinking you were not thorough.
btoguntade   
Oct 4, 2018
Scholarship / My goal is to be a serial entrepreneur, my interests lie in information technology and agriculture [2]

Kindly provide some feedback on my post-study career plan essay. Thanks!

Chevening Scholarship - Post-study career plan essay



My career goal is to be a serial entrepreneur and my interests lie in information technology and agriculture.

The advancement in technology is birthing solutions to everyday problems around the world and agriculture is perhaps even more important as food security is crucial to the sustenance of life.

At the moment, I am actively pursuing my interest in IT. I have co-founded a company focused on this area. Upon returning to Nigeria, I will be resuming a more active role (while I am away, my role will be limited due to study constraints). Currently, we are in the process of completing a solution we believe can provide economic opportunities for artisans in Nigeria. My master's study which is primarily focused on IT and business management will enable me to transition the knowledge acquired from my study into practice and grow the business.

Within the next 5 years, I plan to start the agriculture business and I will also use my knowledge of IT to create solutions that can optimise the agricultural value chain in Nigeria, especially in logistics.

I am particularly pleased by the positive and forward-looking relations between the United Kingdom and Nigeria. Earlier in the year, the president of Nigeria visited the United Kingdom government where Theresa May, the UK Prime Minister, stressed the need for improved intra-commonwealth economic relations. More recently, she was on a 3-day visit to Africa with Nigeria being one of her destinations. One of the highlights of her visit was the inclusion of companies' executives in her entourage, with private and public representatives of the UK power, water, transportation sectors amongst others present. These are areas which are of importance to my career plan. For perspective, power has proven to be a strong inhibitor to IT entrepreneurship and business in general as Nigerian businesses struggle with the lack of adequate power supply in the country, while water, transportation and logistics are challenges faced by agriculture in the country. The Private Infrastructure Development Group, which is a conglomerate of key UK and other international agencies was also present for the visit. I believe this visit emphasised the UK's commitment to contribute to the economic growth of Nigeria.

All of these are indicators of the increased potential for business partnerships between UK and Nigeria as companies look to strengthen and enter into new markets.

In the longer term, I plan to build other businesses with a core focus on providing solutions to Nigeria's and Africa's everyday problems. While the UK's relations benefits my country as a whole, a Chevening scholarship empowers me with the knowledge and experience to be a catalyst of progress in Nigeria.
btoguntade   
Oct 4, 2018
Undergraduate / Help me to correcting my introduction essay :) [6]

Hello Sarah,

Alright then.

Start with your full name. There's no need to ask to be called by your first name.

State your age (not date of birth unless specifically requested) and where you were born. Talk about the fact you moved to Kediri; when and why.

Since you need to talk about your family, I'll suggest you talk about everyone (unless there's some specific reason you don't want to). About your brothers, don't mention The age difference between them is 3 years but ... Instead, state their actual ages.

Talk about your current school; when you got admitted, what you are studying, why you chose the school.

Close with why you wrote the letter, which is to introduce yourself.
btoguntade   
Oct 4, 2018
Undergraduate / Help me to correcting my introduction essay :) [6]

Hello Sarah,

It's difficult to assist without knowing the intent of your introduction.

Regardless of the reason though, I'm not sure the details on your brothers should be in it.

You can try this outline;

State who you are and why you are writing.
Give some information about your background; In doing this, state your age, not your date of birth.
Talk about why you are writing in more detail. If your family is a vital part of your reason for the introduction, speak about them. If not, take it out.

You need a 'call to action'. Are you expecting the person to call or you expect the person to write a letter in response? If it's a call, state a number you can be reached on. If you expect a letter in return, state that you look forward to a response.

If this letter is to be attached to some other document(s), possibly an application, then make reference to the documents you are attaching.

I hope this helps.
btoguntade   
Oct 2, 2018
Writing Feedback / DISCUSS ABOUT DRAWBACKS OF FAST FOOD - it is a potential menace to our bodies [2]

Hello Nguyễn,

There is a disconnect between your opening paragraph and the next one. In the first, you stated that the perceived reason for fast food popularity is busyness. If I understand your essay correctly, you are saying the convenience and low cost of fast food should not be enough reason for its continued consumption.

I would suggest you acknowledge the virtue of those benefits and then present your health perspective (which is a fantastic one by the way), as a greater and opposing reason to stay away from fast food.

Your second reason is very sentimental and indirect but I think it works. It is food after all!

Your facts are there. They just need articulation.
btoguntade   
Sep 30, 2018
Scholarship / The size of your network is a pointer to your net worth. Networking Essay [2]

Kindly provide some feedback on my Networking essay. Thanks!

Chevening Scholarship - Networking Essay



It is generally said that the size of your network is a pointer to your net worth. This indicates that the ability to interact and engage with others cannot be substituted by an abundance of formal skill. It is also important to be considered a channel of help as this attracts people to your network.

From my undergraduate days as a student leader, I have consciously developed my network by actively participating and lending my time and insight into the planning of student activities. Directly or indirectly, a huge part of my network today is tied to this phase of my life. My business partner and a number of people I work with today are products of that network. One recent example from this network, I was having difficulty with a certain project at work and I called on a contact from school who was able to provide some significant direction for me to close out on the project.

My first major chance to network outside of an academic setting was in 2013 when I attended the 'Lasgidi' Hackathon organised by IBM where I had the opportunity of meeting some of the leaders of the business for West Africa. I am presently in touch with some of these people and they give me career and business advice.

While undergoing my mandatory year of service to my country, Nigeria, I made myself available to assist my peers in any way I could. I was nominated by the outgoing leader and subsequently appointed the leader of my Community Development Service (CDS) group by my peers. I served in this capacity for about six months until the end of my service year. Under my leadership, we raised funds and carried out a relief program at a general hospital in the state, during which we provided some basic amenities and edibles to patients.

My volunteer work has also opened me up to a different network. My engagements with HOPE Foundation contributed to my current employment. I believe my prior engagements within the organisation stood me in good stead as a senior colleague directed my attention to a job at his place of work.

As a result of my current role as the C.I.T.Y Training coordinator at HOPE, I also boast of active connections with people across the country. These various connections have allowed me to receive first-hand information such as job openings, events and engagements that are of benefit thereby enabling me to add value to others.

One of my goals when selected as a Chevening scholar, is to connect to a network of like minds, that will help birth solutions that are scalable and improve the lives of people in our various countries. I have also begun to engage previous and current Chevening scholars and alumni in my preferred schools.
btoguntade   
Sep 30, 2018
Graduate / SOP : MS in Data Science Application with relevant internship experience, projects [2]

Hello Jitesh,

First, let me say that your essay shows that you know what you are talking about, which is great!

Something I would like you to change though (I found only one instance. There might be more).

... I was supposed to collect cloud ...
Using 'supposed to' might give the impression that it didn't happen. State clearly that it happened. If it didn't, I think you should take it out.
btoguntade   
Sep 30, 2018
Scholarship / Leadership is crucial to success, and it's not about position. Chevening "leadership" essay [3]

Kindly provide some feedback on my Leadership essay. Thanks!

Chevening

Scholarship - Leadership and Influence Essay



Leadership is crucial to success. Either self-leadership in the case of an individual, corporate leadership in the case of an organisation, success and positive outcomes are largely influenced by right leadership. However, leadership is not about position. As John Quincy Adams rightly said, "If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader".

I have always approached things from a leadership point of view, with a concerted effort for self-improvement and excellence. I believe developing capacity in leading yourself is the necessary foundation for leading others. However, this capacity must be consciously developed, through personal development and subjecting yourself to the guidance of leaders who have gone before you.

I have been privileged to serve in a number of leadership capacities. During my undergraduate days, I served two tenures (two academic sessions), first as the Assistant General Secretary and then the Assistant Head of one of my University service groups, carrying out my responsibilities to the best of my ability with success stories to match.

While undergoing my mandatory year of service to my country, Nigeria, I was appointed the leader of my Community Development Service (CDS) group by my peers and I served in this capacity for about six months until the end of my service year. Under my leadership, we raised funds and carried out a relief program at a general hospital in the state, during which we provided some basic amenities and edibles to patients.

As a volunteer at HOPE Foundation, an organisation that is aimed at transforming the leadership mentality of the Nigerian teenager and youth, I have also served in different capacities within the organisation; first, as the project lead for the 2016 C.I.T.Y Summer Leadership camp at one of the four locations in which the camp took place that year.

I currently serve as the coordinator of the C.I.T.Y Training arm of the organisation, where I am tasked with planning and implementing training programs in secondary schools across Nigeria. As of this time of writing, we have trained over 400 students this year with more training sessions already scheduled across the country.

Some of the hallmarks of excellent leadership include a commitment to discipline, responsibility and people improvement and I am certain I have consistently exhibited these traits in every capacity I have been privileged to serve in.
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