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Posts by daniel6shin [Suspended]
Name: daniel shin
Joined: Oct 15, 2018
Last Post: Oct 18, 2018
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: Thailand
School: International Community School

Displayed posts: 5
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daniel6shin   
Oct 18, 2018
Writing Feedback / The place that I recommend in Taiwan [4]

Great hook, but make this experience for stimulating and visual for the reader, talk about how you found beauty in the little things. Your whole account of the experience is too small for someone to be fully convinced or intrigued by Jade Mountain or Mountain Jade.
daniel6shin   
Oct 17, 2018
Undergraduate / My American teacher. UVA supplement essay, is this good? [5]

Merged:

UVA quirk Essay about to turn in help



Please offer advice and criticism, not just grammatical error, should I scrap this? Do you feel like it fully answers the prompt? What can I do to improve?

my pursuit of a healthy lifestyle along with my awe of nature



I was sitting still in my room when I started hearing the growing pit-pat rhythm of the rain. That was my cue to put on my blue windbreaker and start jogging outside on the stony, dampened pathway of my soi (street). As I slowly started jogging, a sense of serenity and peace washed over me as the droplets of rain gently brushed over my stale body, an experience as soothing as it was vibrant. While others prefer the comforts and warmth of blankets, I've always embraced the rain with an open heart, immersing myself in the temporary aura of comfort it provides when I silently run while listening to the soft tunes of jazz music: a magical experience that is so often offered but taken so little.

For me, it is only in those rare moments that the piles of stress from relationships, academics, and personal struggles are washed away along with the flood of the rain. However, this euphoric feeling is temporary-the sun shines again and people come out and about, tending to the barking dogs and striking up amicable conversations with their neighbors. Still, I feel most comfortable when I run in the rain. It is when I feel most vulnerable and pure.

Jogging frequently in the rain can get me scolded, however, for I sometimes drip water all over the marble floor that my mom had spent an entire afternoon mopping, but the timely transitions of seasons won't enable this too much. It marries my pursuit of a healthy lifestyle along with my awe of nature to create something I have come to truly love and take as my own. Reading the unfavorable and unpopular rain in a positive light has been rewarding, giving me a unique sense of comfort that is seldom offered by life.
daniel6shin   
Oct 17, 2018
Graduate / Personal Statement for university International Relations Program [3]

Very detailed and bold, I liked how you integrate your personal achievements. However, (other than your first paragraph) the other two paragraphs lack flare. If it is a formal essay, then it is completely acceptable.
daniel6shin   
Oct 15, 2018
Undergraduate / My American teacher. UVA supplement essay, is this good? [5]

Any editing and advice would be much appreciated

to keep my pace



I was scolded by my American literature teacher for the 3rd time this semester. He had told me countless times to keep my pace when completing the reading assignments and literary projects, but I just couldn't help myself. This habit flourished in the 7th grade, when my language teacher had assigned us a book essay that would be due in a month. While others simply dismissed the assignment, scrambling around on the last day to complete it, I had finished my Tangerine review by the second day. It started out as a logical viewpoint for finishing school tasks, then it quickly developed into a habit. In my early years of high school, we were given projects, article reviews, essays, and presentations every month, and I would be told my teachers to take my time, again and again. I couldn't help it, I had reinforced the behavior so frequently, that assignments began pounding on my mind as time passed by. Once, only 5 hours after the assignment had been given, I spent the entire Tuesday evening researching why the "V" formation was crucial to the migration of birds. So it was ironic when the teacher decided to cancel the assignment and give us an in-class essay instead. Using the knowledge I had obtained the night prior, I focused my essay on the aerodynamics of flying in a "V" formation and got the second highest score in my class! I understand that it is not wise to distribute my time like this, but I reasonably utilize my time to meet more urgent matters before attending to long-term tasks right away. I intend to continue this trend of completing lengthy tasks swiftly but cautiously in college, so I can be productive with time and as a means to combat such taxing stress.
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