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Posts by themetalfinger
Name: Mark Nguyen
Joined: Oct 21, 2018
Last Post: Nov 17, 2018
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

From: Viet Nam
School: University of Civil Engineering

Displayed posts: 7
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themetalfinger   
Nov 14, 2018
Writing Feedback / An essay of IELTS task 2 about the reasons and effects of cosmetics [4]

effects of products which lighten people's skin



In many parts of the world today, there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people's skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society.

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Nowadays, cosmetics whitening and lightening skin of people are making huge profits for many companies and corporations. This essay will examine the causes why people use these kinds of products and evaluate their impacts on health and society.

The first principle reason for that fact is people's attitudes about skin color. The majority might be convinced that the whiter and lighter their skins are, the more attractive they become. Taking the Asian which have incident skins of yellow pigment as an example, they seem to overestimate the white bright skin and hence, their style of making up and the use of whitening cosmetics probably turn their appearances into ones similar to the Western. One another practical reason is from the celebrity. They almost turn up on the media with remarkable skins of white and light and their influences encourage people to buy beauty products.

In spite of the positive sides of these products such as improving the self-confidence of a person or stimulating the commercial, I suppose there are some negative effects on individual health and on society. Initially, these commodities might harm people when they get older on the ground that there is hardly an evidence to prove the safety of using them for a long period of time. Furthermore, they can adversely impact on society, driving people to misunderstand about beauty criteria. Every race has its own successive trait needing to be highly respected and the traditional values must be preserved at all cost.

In conclusion, it cannot be denied that whitening and lightening products fulfill the rational desire to some extent. However, all people should take cosmetics into account and interpret some of the severe consequences that they may face with if constantly using those for a long time.

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Thanks for your reading. I really need your correction if I get any mistake. I truly and highly appreciate your comments which will help me much improve my writing.
themetalfinger   
Nov 14, 2018
Scholarship / I decided to leave my family and my friends for a year in the USA [2]

... have never made overcome/ surmounted it through ten months ...
R]But I knew it was the best decision for me[/R] However I ... now afterI finished fully experiencing the life in the United States, I can say would have to say that it is the best decision I have ever made.

... are not open mind-minded and everyone knows everyone each other
I had a chance ... 2500 students I already figured out how the education of a 2500-student school was

I had a chance to live with ... : you repeated " had a chance" so many times. -> It is truly my marvelous/magnificient/fabulous opportunity to live with....

... and learnt not only more about Judaism ...

... I felt homesick or sad. supported and stimulated me at any time when I encountered homesickness or bad moods.

I became more confident about myself self-confident and understood what are were my goals and what I want to do in the future. what achievements I desperately wanted to gain for my prospects.

how to manage my money and respect its value
it's hard to believe : an unclear expression
themetalfinger   
Nov 14, 2018
Writing Feedback / Describe and interpret the data about energy usage in Australia [2]

Firstly, I don't see any chart attached so I cannot examine how exactly you describe those charts. But I recognized some of your mistakes.

Given are two figures ... -> The pie charts provide information/ give breakdowns of/ show the distributions of/

almost people
it is also the cause of ...: Actually I don't know what you mean because you didn't upload the charts. but on this essay, you use the simple present so it would be "was" and "the most"

The percentage of energy spending ... while they allocated ... for refrigeration This figure for refrigeration took up/ made up/ accounted for around 7%

... the figure was double ... 15% respectively (I don't know what took up 30% and 15% and you had to show the reader what that number represented for) -> doubled proportions of A and B, which are 30% and 15% respectively.

It is also interesting to note You are not allowed to show your personal opinion in the chart description.

To be honest, you should upload your charts so we are able to help you thoroughly.
themetalfinger   
Oct 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 correction. The topic is about "cheap products" [5]

Question:

People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays.


Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

My Essay

For the time being, with the development of globally trading markets, low-cost goods are being bought by people all over the world. Although it remains a negative aspect, I still believe that the benefits invariably surpass the drawbacks.

On one hand, the downside of cheap products cannot be denied. Firstly, low prices almost come along with low qualities. For instance, when numerous electronic devices from China first broke into Europe, customers immediately realized that those were easily damaged and their durability was obviously shorter than the high price ones in dispute. Moreover, the manufacturers might minimalize production cost by several harmful methods and pollute the environment. In 2014, a Taiwan company in Formosa Industrial Zone located in Vietnam were prohibited due to millions of tons of sewage which directly and adversely affected the local ocean ecosystem as well as the life and health of the inhabitants.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are many merits that outweigh demerits. Initially, people from all walks of life are able to experience commodities which they have never thought about before. People who are under the average poverty line now can purchase smarts TV for entertainment or computers for their children. This certainly increases the living standards of the poor. Furthermore, cheap goods create fair competitions among brands and stimulate the productivity of them. For example, in the car industry, people now have endless choices including triumph entry-level cars from India or Russia. That fact is a concern for many other brands to confront with, therefore they may come up with some revolutionary changes to overhaul the production's process and management.

In conclusion, in spite of the disadvantages of the cheap products, their advantages are more vital to our world today. However, governments should carry on some solutions to tackle the negative problems mentioned above.

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Please help me progress my writing. I really appreciate your opinions. Thanks a lot in advance.
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