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IELTS task 2 correction. The topic is about "cheap products"


themetalfinger 2 / 5  
Oct 21, 2018   #1
Question:

People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays.


Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

My Essay

For the time being, with the development of globally trading markets, low-cost goods are being bought by people all over the world. Although it remains a negative aspect, I still believe that the benefits invariably surpass the drawbacks.

On one hand, the downside of cheap products cannot be denied. Firstly, low prices almost come along with low qualities. For instance, when numerous electronic devices from China first broke into Europe, customers immediately realized that those were easily damaged and their durability was obviously shorter than the high price ones in dispute. Moreover, the manufacturers might minimalize production cost by several harmful methods and pollute the environment. In 2014, a Taiwan company in Formosa Industrial Zone located in Vietnam were prohibited due to millions of tons of sewage which directly and adversely affected the local ocean ecosystem as well as the life and health of the inhabitants.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are many merits that outweigh demerits. Initially, people from all walks of life are able to experience commodities which they have never thought about before. People who are under the average poverty line now can purchase smarts TV for entertainment or computers for their children. This certainly increases the living standards of the poor. Furthermore, cheap goods create fair competitions among brands and stimulate the productivity of them. For example, in the car industry, people now have endless choices including triumph entry-level cars from India or Russia. That fact is a concern for many other brands to confront with, therefore they may come up with some revolutionary changes to overhaul the production's process and management.

In conclusion, in spite of the disadvantages of the cheap products, their advantages are more vital to our world today. However, governments should carry on some solutions to tackle the negative problems mentioned above.

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Please help me progress my writing. I really appreciate your opinions. Thanks a lot in advance.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Oct 22, 2018   #2
Mark, while your argument is good, for this type of essay it is important to use an example that could be perceived to disadvantageous by some, but advantageous to most. That means, for this discussion, the sample you used about the cellphones should have been used for both the advantage and disadvantage.

Remember that when you discuss a comparison essay, the same subject must be used in order to present a stronger opinion regarding the topic. You should have said that while the products from China do have its problems, the fact that it made branded products more affordable to people due to cheap labor and parts made the disadvantage and advantage for most. Right now, your discussion is not balanced because you use 2 different discussions to represent an opinion.

Unfortunately, the opinion is inconsistent in discussion. All task 2 essays are single opinion essays. Single opinion essays are always strongest when focusing on only one discussion topic instead of several. This is a good attempt at writing the Task 2 essay, but it could have been better developed and written. Your thoughts are clear an understandable and you would have gotten at least a passing score for this essay because your TA is acceptable and your C&C would have gotten a good rating along with a decent GRA and LR score as well. All of these would have gotten at least a passing score in consideration.
OP themetalfinger 2 / 5  
Oct 22, 2018   #3
Thank you so much for your useful comment. I have already recognized my problems so next time I will carefully choose the same examples for the stronger analyzing. Best wishes to you!
macchiato1011 - / 1  
Oct 30, 2018   #4
There are too many examples. In fact, examples are just reasons, not thesis , which made your essay lack of arguement and authenticity.

One the other hand or on the other side. I don't think there is any phrase called "on one hand".

Anyway, you should use benefits or advantages instead of merits. Drawbacks and disadvantage as well.

Good luck with your IELTS !
OP themetalfinger 2 / 5  
Oct 30, 2018   #5
Thank you. I really appreciate your feedback which helps me improve my essay.


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