Writing Feedback / The modern life has negative impacts on children's lifestyle [3]

Topic: Many children these day have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?

the concern of kids health today

It is patently obvious that modern life has negative impacts on children's lifestyle which are mainly the way they spend their spare time and their poor eating habit. Personally, school and parents play important roles in tackling this issue.

Firstly, both school and parents have a variety of methods to create a balanced diet. Limited amount of fast food and encourage children to eat more vegetable and fruit to the good way to set up a healthy diet. For example, adults should restrict children to eat fast food such as pizza and hamburger, and encourage them eat more fruit and vegetable like banana or salad. By this way, children are aware of what sort of food is good for their health and avoid eating less nutritional food.

Secondly, school and parents should warn children about the important role of taking regular physical activity. Less taking exercise is an underlying cause leading obesity on children worldwide. Parents can encourage children do more exercise by organizing family's day or playing sports together. Besides, school can add regular exercise on their timetable and compulsory sports for students as well. As a result, children have a good habit and develop healthily.

Last but not least, government and health organizations have to raise awareness of the public about active lifestyle. They can organize activities about how to set up a good lifestyle or training course for parent to bring up children healthily. By doing this, people will be more careful to raise their children.

In conclusion, it is necessary for both school and parents to solve children's unhealthy lifestyle. To tackle this problem, having a balanced diet, regular exercise and the concern of government and health organizations must be considered.

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Please give me some comments, thank you so much!

Writing Feedback / Ielts Writing part 2 - As languages such as English, Spanish and Mandarin become more widely ... [2]

Hello everyone, I'm newbie. I'm practicing IELTS writing part 2, I'm so happy if you can give me some comments. Thank you so much!!

saving dying tongues

Topic: As languages such as English, Spanish and Mandarin become more widely spoken, there is a fear that many minority languages may die out. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages

Essay:
Many people predict that some minority languages are driven to the border of extinction because people often tend to learn common languages such as English, Spanish and Mandarin. This essay will give some solutions to this problem.

The first approach is to improve studying condition for learners. Some people believe that there is still a group of people want to learn uncommon languages. However, it can be an impossible mission because they mostly cannot find a teacher and language materials are limited. For instance, one person wants to study Irish which is well-known as less popularity, he will find studying program and document. Nevertheless, there is not much useful information about this language. Therefore, he changes another language. That is reason why it is necessary to create a bigger environment learner to study.

The second approach is to increase the benefit of learning minority. Nowadays, people usually choose popular languages because it gives them a chance to have a well-paid job. Therefore, when requiring more people speaking minority such as Irish or Tami, more people will learn these languages. For example, government will establish an international training for citizens who can speak Irish next year, it is patently obvious that there is a larger demand for learning this language.

In conclusion, it is important to preserve the minority languages. Thereby studying conditional improvement and beneficial increasing, the number of endangered language will be lessened.

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