Posts by lamnhathuy [Suspended]

lamnhathuy

Mar 20, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS T2 - mandatory courses of foreign languages in schools [3]

1) I think the introduction should be more concise. You can combine the two sentences with the structure: "Some people believe foreign language should not be mandatory... However, I completely disagree with this view for the following reasons....

2) Although the word " language " is pretty hard to paraphrase, try to avoid repetition by using different structure, relative clauses for example.
3) You can use "others" as a paraphrase of "many people"
4) Maybe try to think of an example in your essay.

lamnhathuy

Mar 20, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Stay in the same type of work or change jobs time to time. Discuss both sides/opinion [4]

Please note that my comment is based on personal experience
1) "while somebody persist" I think "while some individual persist" would sound better. Not to mention that it should have been "somebody persistS"
2) "This essay will discuss these both sides" , i don't think "these both sides" would sound natural here (because of the word "these"), also if you wanna try something different then take a look at my version: "This essay will clarify both views..."

3)"good saving and retirement pension because their income are not interrupted." should it be "their incomeS" ?

lamnhathuy

Mar 20, 2019

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] - ARTS AND SCIENCE; unique traits of arts vs science and technology [3]

Thank you for the suggestions, I appreciate your help :D
I should really think about your idea about "arts and science can complement each other"

lamnhathuy

Mar 20, 2019

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] People should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. [3]

Personally, I think you should include passive voice in some of your sentences to avoid repetition. For example:
First, since people have suffered ...
=> My version: Firstly, It is generally believed that consuming plant foods would reduce the risk of getting chronic diseases.

lamnhathuy

Mar 20, 2019

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] - ARTS AND SCIENCE; unique traits of arts vs science and technology [3]

Topic:
In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers.

What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

It is undeniable that we have witnessed a remarkable advancement of science and technology in this digital era; however, many artists still receive deep respect from people. This essay will specify two valuable life aspects empowered by arts that science and technology fail to do.

Obviously, many profound lessons in life manifest themselves in various forms of art such as literature, music and painting. Although many artworks reflect a myriad of cultural, customary and religious features which are transmitted through generations, they remain simple yet informative enough to reach the mass audience. For example, the painting "The Last Supper" of Leonardo da Vinci conveys meaningful messages nested inside the beliefs of Christianity which has attracted people's attention for hundreds of years. Such masterpieces are clear evidence for the fact that the fundamental role of arts in delivering ideas and preserving cultural values cannot be replaced by science and technology.

Arts also enrich creativity and imagination which are indispensable elements in life. It has always been those cognitive skills of human that serve as the precursor of many scientific innovations throughout the history. For instance, numerous scientific breakthroughs such as spaceship and self-driving car were actually inspired by fiction novels. Thus, there is no doubt that a lot of inspirational artists are promoting creativity in the public through their aesthetic works of art, which will keep our civilization constantly heading toward the advancement of science and technology.

In conclusion, certain unique traits of arts definitely surpass science and technology in the two aforementioned domains despite the significant values of theirs counterpart in modern society.