Undergraduate /
"If I were born in a poor household" - the world you come from, how it shaped you [10]
@cissy- There's a good amount of gramatical errors, so follow Kelsey's advice. Try reading your essay outloud to yourself; if anything sounds off, it most likely needs a fix. Judging by the content and vocab, I'm guessing the errors are simply from typing too quickly or forgetting to change tenses after editing sentences, so you should be able to catch them all.
Content wise, I like the topic. But rather than simply stating that you're different from your superficial neighbors, tell us
how you're different. Since you sound like a budding astronomer, it doesn't sound as though you don't fit in career-wise (unless you add a sentence about how your neighbors only appreciate down-to-earth degrees (pun intended =]) like poli-sci or business). Tell us precisely why you don't share your neighborhood's values with more examples, or (for a simpler way) move your concluding paragraph up. That way, you have your background first, the reasons you do not appreciate the environment, and what you did in response (running away, pursuing your own interests by watching the meteorshower).
Leave out the info about brewing wine, since it doesn't serve a real purpose- unlike your running away stories, which give us insight on your personality and interests. Being able to make your own alcohol isn't something admissions officers will necessarily be appreciative of.
P.S. I really liked the way your description of the meteorshower- you set the scene really well.
rafacharmed@Rafa- Sure, but try to be vague about your preferred party unless it's obvious from your application. For example, if one of your ECs is volunteering for the McCain campaign and you're secretary of Young Republicans, it won't matter if you say you're a Republican. Otherwise, avoid naming a party by saying you aspire to make the world a better place by lobbying for the environment, public education, whatever. Back it up with experiences from ECs. You don't want to alienate a hardcore Republican admissions officer by saying you love Democrats, or vice versa. Good luck!