Undergraduate / USA, the land where hopes begin ; Commonapp- Personal Statement-Topic of my choice [5]

Prompt:Topic of my choice.

Hi everyone, this is my personal statment.
I want the style to be like understatement, and to be like prose. not a focused story.
do I succeed in that?

Thanks for help!! and good luck to your essays :)
The deadline is coming> <

Once upon a time, there was a little girl standing at the center of Beijing International Airport, alone. She had a placard hanged in front of her and it said:"traveling alone". She was looking around curiously and aimlessly until she got picked up by an airline stewardess.

This is the scene at the age of five when I flied to United States to stay with my parents for two months. Dad was a military attachï and mom was always with him, so I haven't had much of their company but my grandmother's as I grew up. I have been going to boarding school, from kindergarten to high school. I thought I was initially forced to be strong and independent, because no one really cared about you there if you did not cared about yourself.

"This time, mom will stay here to look after you and I'll go to Italy to work hard for your college tuition." Dad grinned, kissing my cheek and leaving me wept in the sight of his further-and-further back. In November 2008, dad had had to separate with mom and me, but I was getting used to it. Everything went on pretty well; we had our "week call" on the evening of every Friday until one night, the phone didn't ring as usual.

Tears poured down mom's face the next morning. I realized that dad was not just caught by some urgent works but some terribly burst disease. I heard "ICU" when mom was talking on the phone and I felt like falling to the abyss of pain and horror. I was with myself again since mom had hurried to Italy. I knew dad was in very dangerous condition but I had to pretend nothing happened ï at the time I had been the sole backup of mom and master of my life.

The following four months had been the period of the greatest importance in my life. I had a credit card, an apartment and nothing else. Thanks to the life in boarding school, I was definitely confident about that I could handle it.

I was totally on my own. I picked up groceries, prepared foods, and planned a balance diet for myself. I understood the concept of cost of living. I learned to budget. I cleaned the house and took care of the laundry. I booked flights to Hong Kong to take SAT. I volunteered in various groups. I found internship in one of Beijing's biggest museum. I went to concert and gallery. I loved to make decisions by myself, especially if it was a right one.

However, I had immersed into solitude some time. When in Hong Kong I stood in the crowd coming and going in an endless flow, when I turned on the volume of iPod to the highest, listening to my favorite piece of music: The Violin Concerto in D Major by Tchaikovsky, I felt lonely. But I was not afraid of loneliness. Quite the contrary, I enjoyed it. Surrounded by loneliness, I thought about myself, my past years: mistakes I had made, people I had hurt and days I had squandered. I did not feel sorry but grateful. It was these blemishes in life that taught me how to be a better human and live a better life. And I pondered upon my dreams: my dream school, my trip to Europe, my career and my own family. I had firm faith they would all be fulfilled. After a week of school life, I appreciated there was a place I did not need to talk to anyone, just being with myself, being the real me.

Living alone made me reckon I could control anything about myself, like an adult. I never blame my parents for their absence because I know that they care me, love me and support me for ever. Due to their often absence, I grow up to a person different from most children in our generation, who are usually spoiled and pampered from childhood and extremely relied on parents. I can feel that my destiny is held right in my hand and not restricted by anyone else.

Imagine, if you will, there will be a young lady standing at the center of Beijing International Airport, alone. She will have a flight ticket in her hand and it will say: "Beijing to Washington D.C ". She will no longer look around aimlessly; instead, she must look determined and confident. At her age of 18, United States will not be the place her parents work in, but a never-never land where dreams begin.

Plz be harsh!

Undergraduate / 'strong and critical mind' - Brown supplement-why does Brown appeal to me. [7]

Prompt:Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?

Hi guys, here is my answer to this prompt. How do you think about it?
All comments are welcome!! :)

I always conceive that I am destined to go to Brown. The first time I came across with Brown is on Facebook.com. It was a quiz like "Which Ivy School do you fit". After I answered to a bundle of questions, the result turned out to be ï Brown University. Partially believing the quiz, I did a research about Brown when "applying season" came. I was amazed. Fate! It was fate! Brown surprisingly contained exactly every element I expected to see and try for my college education. If Brown is a girl in my age, then we must be twins. We are liberal and independent, fashion-minded and romantic, active and warm-hearted; we care about what happens around the world, commit to what we pursue academically, and design our life with mixed fun and seriousness. However, I need to learn from her: her strong and critical mind, her true and simple elegance, her attitude towards learning and living, etc. I hope she will be with me in the next four years: helping me, teaching me, enjoying our lives together.

(the maximum is 1000 characters, and these are exactly 1000 characters, lol)

Undergraduate / Brown Supplement:what don't you know.DREAM SCHOOL! [8]

Prompt:French novelist Anatole France wrote: "An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't." What don't you know?

I think I need a transition between paragraph 3 and paragraph 4. But I cannot think about a wise one..

Also, I think I need to revise my last paragraph.

Overall, do you guys think it is a good answer? I'm trying to reveal to the admission officer what matters to me the most. I think it can reflects who I am.

Thank you all in advance!! Please be harsh.

On the top of the wardrobe, there was a red sandalwood box. The engraved flowers boomed along its edges; the dragon and phoenix flew and danced on its surface. It was just like in the boudoir of a traditional Shanghai family that this box appeared.

I first saw the box when I was about ten years old. It belonged to my mother and I could not touch it even for once because it was too high to reach. I kept an eye it, praying for that one day mom would let me have a look inside. However, the big day never came. What's more, now I'm tall enough to get to it, but it disappears! I guess it has been locked in somewhere "safe".

What I don't know are the "secrets" in the box, but what I do know is these "secrets" are the memories that matter to mom the most in her life.

I bet one day I will have a box like my mom's too because I hope to hold the moments and things that make up my life, as numerous dots connects a line.

I want my family picture put into the box because Mom and Dad are my "gas station" who always re-energize me when I'm down and give me support no matter what.

I want my Personal Statement that I used to apply for college put into the box because it reflects me when I am seventeen, the age warm like sun lights, sensitive like rains.

I want one of the broken keyboards of my piano put into the box because it contains my love of music, crazy but serious.
I want my future husband's sweater put into the box because it carries the warmth of true love of life.
I want a bundle of my hair which will be cut when I'm about to become a mother put into the box because being a mother is the way being a real woman.

I want the first project I take a leadership in the company put into the box because it proves my growth and the others' approval ï I'm stepping onto the avenue of success.

I want my friends' harsh criticism put into the box because it is my mirror through which I can see myself "naked" with exposed flaws.

I want...

For almost eight years, I do not know what is inside my mother's little box and probably will never know. But I believe I do not need to any more. The box has already made me examine what is important to me, what kind of person I want to be, and what kind of life I desire to live. I want my box will not let me feel remorseful when I open it at the age of 80. Look, I have my life goal now. Be careful you all, I'm on my way, full speed!

Undergraduate / I'm from China - common app personal statement [10]

I'm from China and I want to apply for Brown.
Here is my personal statement.
Some of my classmates think it is boring...
but some think it is sensitive and creative.
So I'm confused... is it too risky?

Plz be harsh. All criticism is welcomed. Thank you all in advance!! :)

Topic of your choice.

I am what I am

I am:
A student who works hard all year round and loves learning only for learning's sake, but not just for a well-looking college transcript;

A daughter who always misses Mom and Dad when she was six years old in boarding school and at the time she lives in Beijing alone for four months while they are in Italy, to which a hemisphere to cross;

A teacher who carefully prepares for her English classes for Beijing taxi drivers who are even not able to recognize "A, B, C", feeling that she is doing a big thing that helps people touch the world;

A volunteer who stands under the scorching sun for 10 hours a day and repeats the same information wholeheartedly to thousands different people time and time again;

A leader who holds a Model United Nations Conference for the whole country and promotes it into a national-wide renowned conference, accepting being a paragon with mixed pride and nervousness;

A readingaholic who delves into books and is so intrigued by them that, although it is 1 a.m, she promises herself she will finish them before sleeps...

A pianist who plays piano since she was eight and lets the strings vibrate and the notes resonate in her heart as the beautiful melody of her colorful life;

A photographer who enjoys grasping all beautiful moments and lovely existence those turn up in her life as the given presents and precious memories;

A writer who keeps diary since elementary school and strives to capture on paper the essence of her life as she sees it;

An aesthete who reviews a film several times until mid-night to explore the way the director expresses his perception of the world and tries to establish her own view of the film which is considered the supreme form of art in her mind;

A tolerator who never intending to judge anyone she is acquainted with, instead she generally accepts the people around her and looks on the brighter side of them and learns from everyone;

An athlete who gets abraded, but, instead of simply quitting the Cross-country Orienteering competition, she perseveres in finishing it and breaks into the top rankings;

A friend who offers maximum number of advises - how to keep track on fashions, how to deal with the overwhelming homework - and greatest support on life, on love, and on family;

A dreamer who happily visualizes her picture when she becomes a college student or a lawyer, a filmmaker but trembles in the darkness of the heartache and obstacles future holds;

An economist who once failed to operate the pocket money she saved for a year which she poured into stock market and now is aware of the value of money and has had to work for it;

A young lady who is angry with the inequality in the society, the injustice in the wars, and the indifference of people, sincerely willing to shoulder the responsibility to change the world;

A skeptic who wants to believe in the unbearable lightness of being but cannot gloss over the mess that the heavy part of life creates for her;

A historian who inundate herself with history facts, comments and analysis, cherishing the past of human beings, seeking for avoiding the mistakes that have ever triggers badly destruction and asking herself - why we are here and where we are going;

An optimistic who supposes life is a maze and love is a riddle but fearlessly figures out her own way to decode them;

An idealist who believes in that having all her passion in what she is doing makes all the difference;

A perfectionist who must confirm that everything is in flawless condition, as a result, the tasks done by her sometimes take longer time...

A package of burning contradiction who is in one extreme, then totally another, keeping better herself through questioning herself;

A 17-year-old girl who just feels the beauty of life through trying new things and realizes a brand newer world is waiting for her across the Pacific Ocean;

I am what I am.

I am:
(here appears my name)

685 words in total