Prompt:Topic of my choice.
Hi everyone, this is my personal statment.
I want the style to be like understatement, and to be like prose. not a focused story.
do I succeed in that?
Thanks for help!! and good luck to your essays :)
The deadline is coming> <
Once upon a time, there was a little girl standing at the center of Beijing International Airport, alone. She had a placard hanged in front of her and it said:"traveling alone". She was looking around curiously and aimlessly until she got picked up by an airline stewardess.
This is the scene at the age of five when I flied to United States to stay with my parents for two months. Dad was a military attachï and mom was always with him, so I haven't had much of their company but my grandmother's as I grew up. I have been going to boarding school, from kindergarten to high school. I thought I was initially forced to be strong and independent, because no one really cared about you there if you did not cared about yourself.
"This time, mom will stay here to look after you and I'll go to Italy to work hard for your college tuition." Dad grinned, kissing my cheek and leaving me wept in the sight of his further-and-further back. In November 2008, dad had had to separate with mom and me, but I was getting used to it. Everything went on pretty well; we had our "week call" on the evening of every Friday until one night, the phone didn't ring as usual.
Tears poured down mom's face the next morning. I realized that dad was not just caught by some urgent works but some terribly burst disease. I heard "ICU" when mom was talking on the phone and I felt like falling to the abyss of pain and horror. I was with myself again since mom had hurried to Italy. I knew dad was in very dangerous condition but I had to pretend nothing happened ï at the time I had been the sole backup of mom and master of my life.
The following four months had been the period of the greatest importance in my life. I had a credit card, an apartment and nothing else. Thanks to the life in boarding school, I was definitely confident about that I could handle it.
I was totally on my own. I picked up groceries, prepared foods, and planned a balance diet for myself. I understood the concept of cost of living. I learned to budget. I cleaned the house and took care of the laundry. I booked flights to Hong Kong to take SAT. I volunteered in various groups. I found internship in one of Beijing's biggest museum. I went to concert and gallery. I loved to make decisions by myself, especially if it was a right one.
However, I had immersed into solitude some time. When in Hong Kong I stood in the crowd coming and going in an endless flow, when I turned on the volume of iPod to the highest, listening to my favorite piece of music: The Violin Concerto in D Major by Tchaikovsky, I felt lonely. But I was not afraid of loneliness. Quite the contrary, I enjoyed it. Surrounded by loneliness, I thought about myself, my past years: mistakes I had made, people I had hurt and days I had squandered. I did not feel sorry but grateful. It was these blemishes in life that taught me how to be a better human and live a better life. And I pondered upon my dreams: my dream school, my trip to Europe, my career and my own family. I had firm faith they would all be fulfilled. After a week of school life, I appreciated there was a place I did not need to talk to anyone, just being with myself, being the real me.
Living alone made me reckon I could control anything about myself, like an adult. I never blame my parents for their absence because I know that they care me, love me and support me for ever. Due to their often absence, I grow up to a person different from most children in our generation, who are usually spoiled and pampered from childhood and extremely relied on parents. I can feel that my destiny is held right in my hand and not restricted by anyone else.
Imagine, if you will, there will be a young lady standing at the center of Beijing International Airport, alone. She will have a flight ticket in her hand and it will say: "Beijing to Washington D.C ". She will no longer look around aimlessly; instead, she must look determined and confident. At her age of 18, United States will not be the place her parents work in, but a never-never land where dreams begin.
Plz be harsh!
"She had a placard hanged in front of her and it said:"traveling alone"."
A placard that read "traveling alone" hung in front of her.
I thought I was initially forced to be strong and independent,
Thanks to the life in boarding school, I was definitely confident about that I could handle it.
I booked flights to Hong Kong to take the SAT.
"I volunteered in various groups. I found internship in one of Beijing's biggest museum."
I volunteered in various groups; the internship in one of Beijing's biggest museums , for example.
"I went to concert and gallery." <-- huh??
However, I hadwas immersed into solitude for some time.
When in Hong Kong, I stood in the crowd, coming and going in an endless flow, whenand I turned on the volume of my iPod to the highest volume , listening to my favorite piece of music: The Violin Concerto in D Major by Tchaikovsky; I felt lonely.
I appreciated there was athe place I did not need to talk to anyone, just being with myself; being the real me.
because I know that they care about me
well, i found those grammar mistakes, but other than that, i really enjoyed this! the topic is really good and i didn't get bored. so great job! i hope this helps. =)
The ideas here are good, and you've made these aspects of your life very clear.
As mentioned above, there are some grammar issues you need to look at. They definitely slow down the reading.
I had a credit card, an apartment and nothing else
I have a similar life, but I had my brother with me. That is what I'm writing for my personal essay too.
But my essay sucks though, you really really "lost the word here"...
Whatever,you did a wonderful job.
