Writing Feedback / Are human needs for farmland, housing, industry more important than saving lands [3]

Hi, friends
I am not sure if i have supported enough details for my opinions. Please give me some advices.
And i am not a English native speaker. So i also need your suggestions for my grammar.
Thanks.

Nowadays an accumulating number of people focus on the issue that which is the most important for human beings by comparing the needs for farmland, housing, and industry and saving land for endangered animals. Some people strongly recommend the merits of farmland, housing and industry due to their remarkable economic profits. Other people, nevertheless, extraordinarily object the idea that ignoring the endangered animals for the constructions. As for me, there is no doubt that saving land for the animals is the first order. My reasons are listed as follows.

On the first place, I never deny the importance of the development of the basic construction. It is obvious that we can not live without housing and we are unable to produce the merchandise without industry. So we do need some spaces to establish the house and other buildings for our existence and generation.

However, comparing with the requirement of farmland and industry, the event that protecting endangered animals is a much more crucial problem that we can not set aside. Without the increasing housing we can maintain the current living situation, without more industries we still feed us enough and live well. And in the future if it is necessary we are able to build more facilities to satisfy us. But for animals the problem is not so simple. A recent survey conducted by the biologists indicates that every year a fair proportion of animals disappear from our planet and some of them are extinct. The extinct animals never come back once we lose them and our descendants will lose the chance to view these animals. Additionally, the vanishing of the species may exerts a unimaginable influence on the balance of ecosystem. Consequently I remarkably emphasize the vital event saving spaces for the animals who are closed to extinction.

In a word, from the above reasons we could easily draw the conclusion that the significance bringing the salvation of the endangered animal overweighs that making a improvement of farmland, housing and industry.

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay---Technology has made the world a better place to live. [16]

Hi,friens
i do need your help. Is my first paragraph too long? And i am not completely sure if my details support my topic. i look forward to your advice. Thank you.

Toefl essay-: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the world a better place to live. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

As can been seen, a recent survey conducted by the experts indicates that twenty percent people lose their jobs due to the development of technology during the last ten years. Recently an accumulating number of people put their emphasis on the hot topic if technology makes our world a better place to live. A fair proportion of people contend that it is true that the development of technology affects us in the negative ways, others, nevertheless, advocate that we should not blame technology .As far as i am concerned, technology should be responsible to some problems making our world worse. There are numerous reasons why I get this conclusion, but I could just explore a few of them below.

There is no doubt that technology contributes much to the development of our society. It enables us live a better life with the convenient transportation and the complete facilities. Additionally, it provides some more efficient measures for solving the problems caused by human beings' faults.

Hence, technology results some serious problems which make us distrust it completely. Environment pollution is a issue caused by technology apparently. For example, building more factories leads to more air pollution and water pollution. Besides, its noise really disturbs the residents who live around the factories.

Furthermore, with the assistance of machines more and more people became unemployed. And this issue may give a bad influence on the security of the society.

In a word, thought technology exerts many positive influences on society; its negative aspects appear more obvious. So I hold the view that technology does not make our world a better place to live completely. And if we would like develop our world without the negative aspects, we must be more prudent when using technology.

Writing Feedback / toefl-Live performance or TV, which is more enjoyable; 'annoying advertisements' [3]

Hi,
please give me some advice for my toefl essay.
Thank you.

Live performance of television broadcast, which is more enjoyable

As entertainment becoming a necessary part of daily life an accumulating number of people contribute a large amount of money to short-time relaxing , such as live performance. Yet some people prefer television broadcast with low cast. As far as I am concerned, the former choice seem to fit my condition. Not only does the valuable chance to see my idol attract me but also the passion in the live show drives me make up my mind. And the live performance totally gets me out from the obstruction of TV advertisements.

There is no argument that it is unbelievably exciting to face your idol . For example, I will catch it at any account if the opportunity to see my idol-Sarah Conner is available. Because it is totally different from hearing her voice on TV. And how many times could I have to be so privileged in my lifetime. Maybe the ticket price is as amazing as the concert .But it is completely worthy.

Besides that the passion in the live show is a crucial reason that I can not give up it. Just image a picture :Thousands of people who have the same emotion with me wave our hands and sing our favorite song together. It is impossible to feel the shocking in any other place. Maybe somebody hold the idea that it is unnecessary to cheer up in the live show and it is same to enjoy music at home. Nevertheless I have to say we are not only audiences in the live show but also the participators who are creating sensation.

Last but not the least, the TV advertisements really annoy me. Because they often ruin my dream that obtaining the complete relaxing in the program. Who needs a break at the climax of the show.

While in the live show I could get rid of the shadow of being disturbed.

In a word, a live performance for me is a so extraordinary experience that I vote to it unconditionally .Other people at the opposite side may have a good life without it. But they do miss something.