Posts by reneemvm [Suspended] Name: Renee
Joined: Nov 18, 2019 |
Last Post: Dec 13, 2019
Threads: 2 Posts: 4
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From: Canada School: Windsor Secondary
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Displayed posts: 6
Undergraduate /
UBC- personal profile - Your reaction to the problem and/or an unfamiliar situation. [3]
Firstly, I would like to suggest that you review your text as there are many grammar/spelling mistakes that you might want to fix. Secondly, while I believe that the story of you overcoming your stage fright could make an excellent essay, the way that you have presented it is skimming the surface. I think if you went more into depth about how your stage fright was an actual problem and how overcoming it opened up opportunities for you, that would enhance the quality of this text. Also, between the beginning of the essay and the end, you seem to have switched between two perspectives. You start talking about "I," and then you start talking about "we." Admissions don't want to know about how courage is important to the general population; they want to understand how gaining courage is useful to your life and what you plan on doing with this newfound bravery. I also know with most UBC essays, the word limit is somewhere between 250-350 words, while this essay has only 198 words. I'm also fairly sure that this is not a personal profile question for this year's admissions. While this question was used in past years, the 2019 personal profile does not include it.
Undergraduate /
My Model UN experience - solving global issues [2]
Tell us more about ONE or TWO activities listed above that are most important to you.
Please explain the role you played and what you learned in the process. You will be asked for a reference who can speak to your response. (maximum 350 words)Last year, I joined my school's Model United Nations club. My acceptance was a huge accomplishment for me since I'm very interested in global affairs, and I'm passionate about helping others. I attended two Model UN conferences where our main goal was to find plausible solutions to pressing global issues and communicate professionally as a committee. I participated in the Vancouver Model UN conference as my first conference and immediately fell in love with the fast-paced and stimulating environment. I had to conduct research, negotiate via public speaking, and, most of all, I was always kept on my toes thinking of new arguments and ideas on the spot. A couple of months later, I signed up for my second conference and was determined this time to use my previously gained experience to enhance my arguments and ideas in an even harder committee. I attended the Canadian International Model UN (CAIMUN) conference, where I was the delegate of Liberia in the African Union. CAIMUN had a massive impact on me since I was more experienced and therefore contributed more to the discussion. The committee was also a bit smaller, so I had more opportunities to speak. Over the weekend, we discussed two critical topics to push the success of Africa, which were: alleviating the ethnic conflict in South Sudan and improving the quality of education in Africa. I had made a goal for myself at this conference to have one of my clauses passed and written into our resolution paper. I helped improve educational access by affirming non-discriminatory practices and equal inclusion, and I implemented a sub-clause to approve the efficient allocation of funds by refining the teaching skill sets of educators through raising the wages of teachers. I achieved and surpassed my goal by implementing more than one clause. Throughout the weekend at CAIMUN, my problem-solving skills and public speaking skills improved drastically. Not only did I learn more about the world and the different challenges we face, but I also discovered situations I may have never known about if I had not partaken in Model UN.
Undergraduate /
UBC Personal Profile: Who are you? One who has stepped out of their shell to become a leader [4]
In the first line, I would remove the sentence that says, "despite the little recognition I get for my work." I don't know what you are referring to exactly when you state this, but it comes across like you almost want admissions to feel bad for you. I would also remove/change the first sentence of the second paragraph, which states that as a child, you were accustomed to relying on your parents to do everything for you. Relying on your parents is something all children/teens do, so this sentence doesn't contribute any actual individuality to your story. Also, instead of simply saying you were involved in many groups/clubs, I'm going to suggest that you maybe decide on one group/club that accurately depicts what you said in the first paragraph. For example, how did x club demonstrate that you were a humble and determined person? I think its good that you shared that you lead a team of videographers and taught catechism, so maybe you could elaborate on these activities a little more if you haven't already.
Good luck!
Undergraduate /
How my athletics reflects my determination [3]
@Maria
Would it be better if I reconstructed the last sentence and fixed some other sentences to make them more concise? The point of including that I skated competitively was to make the story make sense about how I took more time to focus on school while still completing my goals. Would it be better if instead I just included my accomplishments without the background story? And link that to how it demonstrates my determination?
Undergraduate /
Working at a consulting company - UBC Personal Profile - Activity [3]
... and present
it them in my own way".
... my organi
zational skills".
... and compare
it them with their competitors...
... as my creativity
, since I had ...
... which was a
3 day three-day event organized by
several banking ...
... some of the meeting
s which ...
Undergraduate /
How my athletics reflects my determination [3]
figure skating
Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)I began figure skating when I was seven. By eight years old I had competed in small, regional competitions. At twelve I was competing provincially and was training for four hours a day, six days a week, all year round. When I was in grade 10, I started feeling the pressures of academic success, and I started thinking about university. Training for competitions was time-consuming, and I wanted to try new things during my high school career. I still loved figure skating, but I decided to stop competing to focus more of my time on my studies. Although I missed the competitive aspect of skating, I found even more enjoyment in furthering my skills at my own pace. I decided to set a personal goal and achieve it. Instead of competing against others, I would be competing against my own abilities. I was determined to pass the two hardest skating exams, the gold free skate and skills test. Upon committing myself, I passed both tests in just over one year. I successfully achieved my goals thanks to my intense determination and perseverance. Growing up I was instilled with the importance of never giving up. If you were to ask anyone who knows me, they would tell you that I'm diligent, and there's no stopping me once I'm motivated. Along with being determined, I'm also responsible. I understand the importance of my education can find a happy medium where I'm able to achieve both my athletic and my academic goals.
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