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Posts by hangvu248
Name: Hang Vu
Joined: Apr 30, 2020
Last Post: May 15, 2020
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 6
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May 15, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 - IELTS Academic - economic growth as the only way to end hunger and poverty? [3]

negatives and positives in the development of the economy

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Improving the economy is a priority in the agenda of most developing countries since it is believed to be the only viable solution to famine and poverty. Many people, however, raise concerns that economic growth can do great harm to the environment. In my opinion, both sides of the argument have their rationales, which this essay will discuss below.

On the one hand, economic development is considered the only way out of destitution and hunger because it brings money for both households and the government. As the national economy burgeons, more jobs will be created, which provide myriad families with an income source. With this employment, not only can people afford basic necessities such as food, water, and shelter but they can also give their children a decent education. Their offsprings thus will have an opportunity to lift themselves out of poverty and even strive for a high quality of life thanks to the knowledge and skills they assimilate at schools. Furthermore, a growth of economy means more taxes for the government, which in turn can be granted to the poorest citizens in the country as financial aid. In this way, economic improvement can make an enormous contribution to solving poverty and famine.

On the other hand, a boom in the economy can play havoc on the environment due to the discharge of chemical wastes and the excessive exploitation of natural resources. An inevitable implication of developing industries is the burning of more fossil fuels. This process disposes into the environment a substantial amount of toxic fumes, which then heavily pollutes the air. The pernicious effect of economic growth can likewise be seen in acute water pollution as manufacturing plants pump their untreated sewage directly into rivers, lakes and seas. Another threat that economic development poses to the environment is the depletion of natural resources, used as fuels or raw materials. As an illustration, the reserve of coal in Vietnam was once estimated at seven billion tons, yet it is now nearly exhausted.

In conclusion, I believe that there are both negatives and positives in the development of the economy. Therefore, it is imperative that the state implement well-thought-out policies to maintain economic growth and at the same time, minimize environmental costs.

Could you please give me some feedbacks on this essay and an estimated score if possible? Thank you very much.
May 15, 2020
Writing Feedback / The graph illustrates the fish, lamb, beef and chicken consumptions in an European country [3]

I think the organization of paragraphs should be considered more carefully, as Holt has suggested. I would also recommend that you pay more attention to grammar; for example in para 2, it should be "there was" not "were". I'm not quite sure of the use of punctuation in the third paragraph, maybe the last colon should be a comma instead.

Wish you best luck with your exam.
May 1, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Cause and Solution to extinction of wild animals [5]

I think in general, you've done quite a good job. Just some minor problems I think you can work on to better your essay:

1. The second body paragraph seems a little bit too short. Try to make it around 5 sentences as Holt has suggested. Giving examples is a useful tip to expand the essay that you can consider.

2. The topic sentence of the Solution paragraph is not a really good one. The next sentence, however, can be a better topic sentence since it goes straight into the topic you're going to discuss with a mini outline given in the end.

As for the conclusion, I think it is totally fine to have 2 sentences instead of 3 as long as you have summarized all the main points in your essay.

Hope you'll find this comment useful :>>
Apr 30, 2020
Writing Feedback / Is it a waste of time to read news in newspapers and watch television news programs? [4]

Thank you very much for your comment. I'm really confused when it comes to IETLS writing criteria yet your feedback has helped me a lot.

Actually, I did write this essay within 40 mins since I did it in an online test with strict timing. I guess it was my typing speed. Apart from it, everything you have commented is absolutely right and it's really given me an insight into how I should write my essay.

Thank you once again for your help.
Apr 30, 2020
Writing Feedback / Is it a waste of time to read news in newspapers and watch television news programs? [4]

IETLS Writing task 2:
Some people think news has no connection to people's lives, so it is a waste of time to read the news in newspapers and watch television news programs.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Collecting news has long become an indispensable part of many people's lives, yet some argue that there is no point in checking the newspapers or watching television for news since it has little relevance to daily life. Personally, I do not concur with this view since I believe that news is of paramount importance to people's lives as it equips them with the information needed for decision-making and offers them profound insights into their own life and the world around them.

The first and foremost rationale for the vital role of news is that it informs people with the current state of affairs that can assist them to make wise decisions in their life. As an instance, news of the economic climate gives businessmen the basis to develop suitable strategies for their enterprises. A rise in oil prices, to be specific, can result in the escalating prices of myriad other materials and products, thereby raising the cost of production in plants. Another compelling example is the dissemination of health-related information. During the recent outbreak of the Covid-19 pandemic, for example, people need to rely on the news in the newspaper and on TV to keep themselves updated with the numbers of cases, preventative measurements as well as lockdown policies from the government so that they can come up with the best plans to protect themselves and their families.

The second purpose that news can serve is to give people a better understanding of the collective world and their individual self. The news programs which feature war or hunger in Third world countries provide people in well-off states with a comprehensive view of what is actually happening on Earth, besides the luxuries of life they enjoy. Some people may propose an opposition that knowledge on those topics has little to no use in their life. However, I believe that these types of news can teach people to be grateful for what they have and thus motivate them to lead a more worthwhile life. Many people will also be encouraged to join hands in alleviating the suffering of their fellow human beings in less-developed or war-torn countries. Together, they can make the world a better place to live for everyone.

In conclusion, thanks to the news, people can make educated decisions that are in their best interest and at the same time gain knowledge about the outside world as well as their own life. On these grounds, there is no doubt that the role news plays is crucial to people's lives.
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