Posts by lehoang1294

lehoang1294

May 7, 2020

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: A cap on citizens' salary or not? [3]

I think you should put your personal opinion right in the introduction paragraph like a signal for examiners so they can easier to assess the logical structure of your information and ideas. Therefore, you could get a higher score in the CC task.

One more thing is that maybe 322 words are too long for a 40-minute essay? I think you should aim for about 270-290 words for IELTS writing task 2.

lehoang1294

May 6, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 + 2: The amount of electricity produced from different energy sources [2]

Electricity supplied to the New York (1980-2000)

IELTS TASK 1: : The graph below shows the amount of electricity produced from different energy sources to supply the city of New York between 1980 and 2000.
The line graph illustrates the data of electricity which is generated from three kinds of fossil resources to supply New York from 1980 to 2000.
Overall, it is clear that the amount of electricity produced by natural gas and petroleum witnessed an upward trend while this figure for coal slightly fluctuated over the same research period.

In 1980, about 350 million kilowatt-hours are generated by petroleum, compared to only 100 million of coal. After fluctuating significantly in the next 10 years, this figure for petroleum surged considerably to more than 700 million, reaching the peak at the end of the period. Similarly, natural gas experienced a significant increase throughout the research period. It finished at approximately 500 million in 2000.

In terms of coal, there are more than 200 million kilowatt-hours produced by this kind of energy source in 1980. It slightly rose to 300 million in the next 5 years. After that, this figure gradually dropped over the remainder of the time surveyed. Therefore, only less than 200 million kilowatt-hours are generated by coal in the year 2000.

lehoang1294

May 6, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Celebrities earn more money than politicians. [4]

In my opinion, your introduction is really dubious. You just need to paraphrase the thread and off you go.
I believe if you want to get a high score in IELTS task 2, first, you need at least 3-4 solid ideas to expand. That will help you get around 270-280 words per essay.

Grammar also plays an important role in your essay. Check it carefully before submiting.
In addition, you should apply some formal phrases, which are suitable to the context, to boost your grade. (make a huge impact on --> cast a significant impact on)

lehoang1294

May 6, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 Consumption and production of potatoes [3]

Great essay! I learned a lot from this one.
But in my humble opinion, I think you should divide your essay into 4 paragraphs: Opening - Overview - Body 1 - Body 2.
This kind of structure is way easier and clearer to present for your analysis, especially in Ielts writing task 1.

lehoang1294

May 5, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : The charts show school expenditure and the % of students who gained higher education [4]

@Holt
Thanks so much for your advices. I just tried to finish the task 1 in less than 17' so I did not have a chance to review my errors. I will be more careful about spelling and grammar issues in my next writing essay.

@TaraAryal23
Good point! I will consider putting more linking words in my next essay. Thank you!

lehoang1294

May 4, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : The charts show school expenditure and the % of students who gained higher education [4]

Diplomas and degrees in Singapore

The bar chart illustrates the data of total school spending in Singapore from 2000 to 2012. The pie chart compares the percentage of Singaporean students adwarded degree and diploma qualifications in higher education in 2000 and 2012.

Overall, the school expenditure in both gender increased throughout the time surveyed, while the proportion of people gained dilopmas in Singapore was higher than those of degrees

In terms of boys schools, there are approximately 10 millions dolllars paid for school expenditure in 2000, compared to only 7 millions of girls schools. The expenditure spending on Singaporean boys schools increased dramatically during 12 years, reaching the peak in 2012, at around 32 millions dollars. The school expenditure for girls experienced the similar trend. After slightly rising to about 12 millions and remaing stable in next 4 years, it surged to exactly 20 millions at the end of the period.

In 2000, 27% of students gained higher educations were degree holders, while this figure for dilopma holders was 73%. The ratio of people achieving dilopma gradually decrease to 68% in 2012. By contrast, the figure for degree holders in Singapore rose slightly to 32% in the end of the reseach period.

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