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Ielts writing task 2: A cap on citizens' salary or not?

bee_linhtinh 2 / 3 1  
May 6, 2020   #1

enormous salaries of individuals

In some countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is true that in several nations there is a minority of people who can achieve a far greater size of salary. While some people argue that this can bring about numerous benefits to a country, others think that a restriction should be imposed on the salary level by the governments.

On the one hand, it can be argued that the situation in which a few can earn extremely high salaries can benefit a country. Since the high pay is associated with sustained efforts and perseverance, which promotes the idea that only by working hard can you attain what you want in life. This, therefore, drives all people within a country to push themselves hard , creates values and make their greatest contributions to their countries. For example, people in America all know a term called " American Dream" and they all exercise a high working spirit to reach their own dreams. This , as a result, shapes the dynamic working attitudes among American and it is their collective efforts that contribute to the leading economic status of the U.S in the world.

On the other hand, governments should control the size of salary to some degree for some good reasons. Although the policy of applying performance-related salary seems to be reasonable, it might lead to wealth inequality in a long run. In some developed countries, the government still continues to face high poverty rates and this is because governments' budget has already been allocated to the small segment of population. Therefore, by putting a cap on people's salaries, they can create more job opportunies for ignored citizens and thus, combat rising unemployment rates. By doing this, government can ensure a healthier and more sustainable economy growth and the well-being of all citizens.

In conlusion, even though the outlook of giving advantages to a few in society appears promising, I believe that governments should impose a limit on salaries for more sustainable developments.

(Linh, 322 words)

P.S. I would really appreciate your comments on my essay. Thanks a lot in advance.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15043 4827  
May 7, 2020   #2
Good writing. The problem is that you failed to accomplish a few things in your reasoning presentation:

- There was no group pronoun reference to the point of view being discussed. This would have helped to show that you were discussing the public point of view as indicated in the original prompt. Without the group pronouns, it appeared that you were discussing your personal opinion in every reasoning paragraph.

- The personal opinion needs to be justified in the discussion. That should have been presented clearly, with supporting explanations and a relevant example. It is a stand alone paragraph in the essay presentation.

The proper format for this essay would have been the 5 paragraph approach. As a compare and contrast essay with a personal opinion requirement, it is safer and always best for you to discuss the reasoning paragraphs within 3 presentations. That way you have enough space to present a fully developed explanation for each reason. The most important reason being your personal opinion which, in case your tutor did not tell you, is never presented as a single sentence in the concluding paragraph.

You cannot conclude your essay with a single sentence opinion because the last paragraph is always reserved as the summary presentation of the total discussion. Hence, it cannot contain an opinion or point of view as that still needs a fully developed explanation. Using it as a closing sentence creates an open ended discussion. That means you did not really conclude the discussion but rather, ran out of ways to explain your opinion. That means your TA score will not meet the highest possible score as you failed to fully explain the discussion in your essay.
lehoang1294 2 / 4 1  
May 7, 2020   #3
I think you should put your personal opinion right in the introduction paragraph like a signal for examiners so they can easier to assess the logical structure of your information and ideas. Therefore, you could get a higher score in the CC task.

One more thing is that maybe 322 words are too long for a 40-minute essay? I think you should aim for about 270-290 words for IELTS writing task 2.

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