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Posts by thienthanh [Suspended]
Name: Thanh
Joined: Jun 11, 2020
Last Post: Jun 15, 2020
Threads: 1
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From: Viet Nam

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thienthanh   
Jun 15, 2020
Writing Feedback / Parents, Children, How to be good members of society, School [6]

Hi, firstly i want to say that " on the other hand " is a contrast expression showing that you might want to express some arguments that oppose the previous one. Therefore, using " on the other hand " in your first body paragraph is quite confusing. Moreover, i would suggest you to make your conclusion longer by paraphrasing again your opinion and giving a short summary of reasons that you already discussed.

Anyway, hope that your works will improve soon.
thienthanh   
Jun 15, 2020
Writing Feedback / Vegetarianism is better for everyone's health because there is no meat in such diet [5]

Hi, despite the fact that i am not a contributor, i would say that you might have to consider carefully before using any phrases or vocabulary . It could be really damaged to your essay if you used phrases wrongly regardless of whether those are extremely splendid. Moreover, making your thesis statement more specifically is significant in order to help examiners to get your idea easily.

Anyway keep going and hope that your works will success soon.
thienthanh   
Jun 13, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - a huge number of young generation people in comparison to elderlies [4]

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?



Thanks to rapid developments of the world, governments nowadays have a tendency to encourage their citizens to increase the birth rate in order to satisfy the need of countries.By the same token, the preponderance of countries are likely to possess a huge number of teenagers, which is more than that of elder.Despite the fact that everything has its own perks, i personally believe that this is an efficacious phenomenon having a great deal of virtues that definitely outweigh the drawbacks.

Firstly, it is argued that young adults will bring to the society a multitude of advantages especially in terms of human resources.As we know,the more the country has developed, the more inventions and products must be spawned .Therefore,having a rise in the population of young generations is immensely significant proven by the pivotal roles of their creativity and physical strengths.Moreover, this phenomenon also represents a necessary replacement for the elderly who have the inability to provide effective and creative products to the country.According to a recent study by Boston University, despite the fact that everyone has their own lifespan, they all have a similar period of time that could provide the most efficient production and it often lasts for 25 years from 20 to 45 years old.After that, the majority of people will have a tendency to decline their productivity more than a half compared with that of the past.Thus, this makes it clear that having a great deal of young adults could ensure the process of developing the country.

To add credence to my assertion, several baleful upshots of having a large number of old people which is much more than that of young people are factors that i will point out next.According to the government, everyone has their own rights to receive specific payments and insurances which ensure the stability of their life after retiring.Moreover, the costs of these services are taken from the budget of the government and taxes of workers. Therefore, it is discernibly understandable that the country will have an extreme economic repercussion if old people expand their lifespan more than the period that the government expected.Meanwhile,young generations could compensate for the loss of money and produce constant incomes to stabilize the economy of the country.For example, the BBC news reported in June 2018 that Japan - the country that possesses a great number of elders having longest life spans - suffered from a significant downward trend of the economy and lost its rank in the world hierarchy by virtues of an increase in the population of the elderly to nearly 80 years old on average .All things considered, the phenomenon of having multiple young adults more than old people will reduce the huge amount of money of services for elderly people.

To encapsulate,although every situation has both advantages and drawbacks, I absolutely reckon that having a huge number of young generations will bring more efficacious implications for society by virtue of a constant source of incomes and the ability to compensate the amount of money that serves as public services for retired people.

IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE IF YOU COULD HELP ME TO SCORE THIS ESSAY AND IMPROVE MY WORK !