worldbound10
Oct 28, 2009
worldbound10
Oct 26, 2009
Undergraduate / First Cut / Sister's eating disorder - U of M Essay [13]
Thanks for the input, everyone! Taking the advice of the majority, I went with the book essay. I FINALLY finished a very rough draft of it. Please help me with it! The opening and ending are kind of weak right now - advice on how to make them better? I know it's too long, so any suggestions on how to make it more concise or things to cut out would be very helpful! Thank you!
Tell us about a book you have read that you found especially challenging, stimulating, or provocative. Explain why it made an impact on you.
Never did I expect on the morning that I sat down to begin reading First Cut: A Season in the Human Anatomy Lab that this book would have such a profound impact on me. I expected to enjoy the book, like I have most of the scientific books, especially those of medical nature, that I have taken interest in over the last couple of years. However, as soon as I began the first few pages of First Cut, I knew it was different. Carter, the author, doesn't just graze the surface of human anatomy; he digs deep down into larger issues that can be realized from an experience in medicine.
Albert Howard Carter III, a professor of Literature and Humanities at Eckerd College, elected to spend a semester observing first-year medical students in a human anatomy lab at Emory University. The book takes the reader dissection by dissection through the socialization process, as well as the technical content, of the class-from the first cut to the final memorial services for the cadavers at the closure of the term. He vividly and poetically recalls the details of dissecting each cadaver, giving huge insight to the anatomy of a human body. Moreover, he develops the characters of the six main students he most closely observed at table Number 3 in the lab, and their emotional and difficult journeys through their first semester of medical school. Character is also brought, somewhat ironically, to each of the lifeless cadavers. Each has been given a name by their dissectors, and has a unique set of qualities involving their age, gender, body type, cause of death, and more. Carter expects to write about the lab, the instructors, the lectures, the students, and their subjects, but the additional reflection he gains is just as meaningful. He explores the powerful ideas of life and death and the marvel of our own bodies.
Before reading this novel, I considered medicine to be strictly technical. It interested me because sciences had always appealed to me, and because I wanted to enter a career field where I would be helping people. That is just the surface of medicine though; a career in health sciences means so much more than that. This book inspired a lot of thinking out of me, due to Carter's open ended questions and interesting concepts. I'd never considered there to be an "unlikely paradox, of life arising from death" (293). While the point of this dissection is for students to master human anatomy, they gained additional insight. Carter says, "We each cut in different ways, and all of us are increasingly able to see more within these bodies and within ourselves, deepening our own humanity while studying the unusual humanity of the dead."
In our culture, death is final. Discussing the intricacies of death is considered taboo or morbid. First Cut breaks these rules. First Cut weaves a deep relationship with these bodies, dead or alive. The students become close with death as they study these bodies that once may have been walking beside them. Carter quotes a student, "'See, the tissue below all died without oxygen. Killed him.' I feel a wave of emotion: we have just seen this man's final fatal secret." They are forced to consider the final moments of these people's lives and the person they were before they died, with thoughts like, "But the encounter with the human cadavers is able to filter deeper into our consciousness and to raise other, far more difficult questions. With each dissection we must think about their culture, religion, social background: What was her life like? How did she decide to donate? What must have that cancerous liver, spinal fusion, or bed sore felt like? Who painted her nails?" This book caused me to think differently about death. Death is always a concept I've been confused by. I've wondered, what really happens when we die? How can someone be alive and on this Earth one second, and gone forever the next? Is there no transition? Can it really be that simple? I've always known the subject of death is no simple thing; I just have yet to comprehend the spectacle. This book gave me more insight into these questions, and I realized that there is so much that can happen after death. Life can emerge from death. In this case, it was in the form of knowledge.
There are so many things we can do in our lifetime to help others in terms of health: giving blood, volunteering in hospitals, donating money, and so on. These are so important, but never do we think what an impact we can make after death. In addition to organ donation, we can donate our bodies to medicine. This is truly giving back; it continues the cycle of learning by giving the most precious gift to medical students. Most often after death, our bodies are preserved and placed into beautiful caskets, and we are buried in the ground. First Cut made me realize that something so much more influential can be done with my body. I can think of no better purpose for my own body than for it to be sent to a human anatomy lab where a nervous medical student, scalpel in hand, will make a life-changing first cut.
Of all the thought provoking that First Cut caused me, the most influential on my life was the fact that it made me want to go into the medical field even more than I did before. Not only do I enjoy science and want to help people, I want to experience what the students, or even Carter, have. They "have seen and considered some of the absolute limits of humanity." I know that I could get more out of life by going into a career where I would be taking care of other's lives.
I have never attained something so different than what I expected out of reading a book than with First Cut. I expected it to be an educational book on human anatomy, which intrigued me but didn't prepare me for a challenge on the mind. Who knew that a description of the dissection of a cadaver could stir up such thoughts about life, death, humanity and the meaning of it all? I have never read a book backed with such educational information that has been so entertaining to read at the same time. I felt that I was there in the classroom, looking over the table at the same cadaver as Carter was, watching procedures like the removal of the heart and bisection of the head. Not only did I gain more insight into human anatomy and physiology, my favorite science, but I learned to think outside the box. When things as important as this can be considered from something that appears so scientific, I know that the medical field is the area for me.
Thanks for the input, everyone! Taking the advice of the majority, I went with the book essay. I FINALLY finished a very rough draft of it. Please help me with it! The opening and ending are kind of weak right now - advice on how to make them better? I know it's too long, so any suggestions on how to make it more concise or things to cut out would be very helpful! Thank you!
Tell us about a book you have read that you found especially challenging, stimulating, or provocative. Explain why it made an impact on you.
Never did I expect on the morning that I sat down to begin reading First Cut: A Season in the Human Anatomy Lab that this book would have such a profound impact on me. I expected to enjoy the book, like I have most of the scientific books, especially those of medical nature, that I have taken interest in over the last couple of years. However, as soon as I began the first few pages of First Cut, I knew it was different. Carter, the author, doesn't just graze the surface of human anatomy; he digs deep down into larger issues that can be realized from an experience in medicine.
Albert Howard Carter III, a professor of Literature and Humanities at Eckerd College, elected to spend a semester observing first-year medical students in a human anatomy lab at Emory University. The book takes the reader dissection by dissection through the socialization process, as well as the technical content, of the class-from the first cut to the final memorial services for the cadavers at the closure of the term. He vividly and poetically recalls the details of dissecting each cadaver, giving huge insight to the anatomy of a human body. Moreover, he develops the characters of the six main students he most closely observed at table Number 3 in the lab, and their emotional and difficult journeys through their first semester of medical school. Character is also brought, somewhat ironically, to each of the lifeless cadavers. Each has been given a name by their dissectors, and has a unique set of qualities involving their age, gender, body type, cause of death, and more. Carter expects to write about the lab, the instructors, the lectures, the students, and their subjects, but the additional reflection he gains is just as meaningful. He explores the powerful ideas of life and death and the marvel of our own bodies.
Before reading this novel, I considered medicine to be strictly technical. It interested me because sciences had always appealed to me, and because I wanted to enter a career field where I would be helping people. That is just the surface of medicine though; a career in health sciences means so much more than that. This book inspired a lot of thinking out of me, due to Carter's open ended questions and interesting concepts. I'd never considered there to be an "unlikely paradox, of life arising from death" (293). While the point of this dissection is for students to master human anatomy, they gained additional insight. Carter says, "We each cut in different ways, and all of us are increasingly able to see more within these bodies and within ourselves, deepening our own humanity while studying the unusual humanity of the dead."
In our culture, death is final. Discussing the intricacies of death is considered taboo or morbid. First Cut breaks these rules. First Cut weaves a deep relationship with these bodies, dead or alive. The students become close with death as they study these bodies that once may have been walking beside them. Carter quotes a student, "'See, the tissue below all died without oxygen. Killed him.' I feel a wave of emotion: we have just seen this man's final fatal secret." They are forced to consider the final moments of these people's lives and the person they were before they died, with thoughts like, "But the encounter with the human cadavers is able to filter deeper into our consciousness and to raise other, far more difficult questions. With each dissection we must think about their culture, religion, social background: What was her life like? How did she decide to donate? What must have that cancerous liver, spinal fusion, or bed sore felt like? Who painted her nails?" This book caused me to think differently about death. Death is always a concept I've been confused by. I've wondered, what really happens when we die? How can someone be alive and on this Earth one second, and gone forever the next? Is there no transition? Can it really be that simple? I've always known the subject of death is no simple thing; I just have yet to comprehend the spectacle. This book gave me more insight into these questions, and I realized that there is so much that can happen after death. Life can emerge from death. In this case, it was in the form of knowledge.
There are so many things we can do in our lifetime to help others in terms of health: giving blood, volunteering in hospitals, donating money, and so on. These are so important, but never do we think what an impact we can make after death. In addition to organ donation, we can donate our bodies to medicine. This is truly giving back; it continues the cycle of learning by giving the most precious gift to medical students. Most often after death, our bodies are preserved and placed into beautiful caskets, and we are buried in the ground. First Cut made me realize that something so much more influential can be done with my body. I can think of no better purpose for my own body than for it to be sent to a human anatomy lab where a nervous medical student, scalpel in hand, will make a life-changing first cut.
Of all the thought provoking that First Cut caused me, the most influential on my life was the fact that it made me want to go into the medical field even more than I did before. Not only do I enjoy science and want to help people, I want to experience what the students, or even Carter, have. They "have seen and considered some of the absolute limits of humanity." I know that I could get more out of life by going into a career where I would be taking care of other's lives.
I have never attained something so different than what I expected out of reading a book than with First Cut. I expected it to be an educational book on human anatomy, which intrigued me but didn't prepare me for a challenge on the mind. Who knew that a description of the dissection of a cadaver could stir up such thoughts about life, death, humanity and the meaning of it all? I have never read a book backed with such educational information that has been so entertaining to read at the same time. I felt that I was there in the classroom, looking over the table at the same cadaver as Carter was, watching procedures like the removal of the heart and bisection of the head. Not only did I gain more insight into human anatomy and physiology, my favorite science, but I learned to think outside the box. When things as important as this can be considered from something that appears so scientific, I know that the medical field is the area for me.
worldbound10
Oct 22, 2009
Undergraduate / I have always wanted to be someone who can help; UIUC Prompt#1 Become a social worker [9]
"I have always admired to be someone..." doesn't make sense.
Consider rewording "they act as care takers for everybody." Everybody?
"Becoming a social worker is a goal of life that I want to make a difference in other people's lives." This sentence doesn't flow or make much sense...consider rewriting it to be more simple. "One of my life goals is to be a social worker because I want to make a difference in the lives of others." (for example)
"I have always admired to be someone..." doesn't make sense.
Consider rewording "they act as care takers for everybody." Everybody?
"Becoming a social worker is a goal of life that I want to make a difference in other people's lives." This sentence doesn't flow or make much sense...consider rewriting it to be more simple. "One of my life goals is to be a social worker because I want to make a difference in the lives of others." (for example)
worldbound10
Oct 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Can't imagine entering a profession not aimed at helping others; UM School of Nursing [8]
Thanks emmanikole, whoever you are. ;) I have the edited version in the post before yours, though. Do you think I should completely eliminate the sharing part? I meant it to be somewhat funny or just draw attention to the fact that E.R. isn't the norm for kindergarteners...I just realized the term I mean...which is "show and tell"...the thing we always did in kindergarten.
Thanks emmanikole, whoever you are. ;) I have the edited version in the post before yours, though. Do you think I should completely eliminate the sharing part? I meant it to be somewhat funny or just draw attention to the fact that E.R. isn't the norm for kindergarteners...I just realized the term I mean...which is "show and tell"...the thing we always did in kindergarten.
worldbound10
Oct 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Can't imagine entering a profession not aimed at helping others; UM School of Nursing [8]
EDIT: (In changing things up a bit, I managed to go WAY over the world limit. :( I'm currently at 450 words...200 over the limit. Any suggestions for where to eliminate/condense things?)
I realize that it still needs a lot of work...help!
EDIT: (In changing things up a bit, I managed to go WAY over the world limit. :( I'm currently at 450 words...200 over the limit. Any suggestions for where to eliminate/condense things?)
I realize that it still needs a lot of work...help!
worldbound10
Oct 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Hypomelanosis does not sound compicated to me!; UofM Diversity Essay [14]
Hmm why am I struggling with this essay so much? Thanks to all who helped.
Hmm why am I struggling with this essay so much? Thanks to all who helped.
worldbound10
Oct 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Hypomelanosis does not sound compicated to me!; UofM Diversity Essay [14]
Yeah, I definitely only consider diversity in terms of skin color... Obviously not every person is alike. Are you saying then, that ALL areas are diverse, without varying amounts? I understand your thinking, but I'm not sure it really applies to my essay topic. Also, I haven't studiously ignored the other 1%...my whole point was that I'd like to see that 1% be a large percent.
Yeah, I definitely only consider diversity in terms of skin color... Obviously not every person is alike. Are you saying then, that ALL areas are diverse, without varying amounts? I understand your thinking, but I'm not sure it really applies to my essay topic. Also, I haven't studiously ignored the other 1%...my whole point was that I'd like to see that 1% be a large percent.
worldbound10
Oct 18, 2009
Undergraduate / Hypomelanosis does not sound compicated to me!; UofM Diversity Essay [14]
Notoman, that is actually very helpful...I was thinking of starting all over (which would be a pain) and talking about my cousin/best friend's disease which causes her to have different physical features, and how it's made me be more accepting of others and realize that people with problems don't have to have limits. Anyways, I'm thinking of sticking with the original Chicago idea thanks to your advice because I think I know how to make it fit the prompt better.
Also, I noticed that you edited a different essay of mine and you seem to be very helpful and know a lot about admissions essays, so I was wondering if you could give me some insight on my current dilemma of deciding on a topic for the major essay
I would really appreciate it! Thanks!
Notoman, that is actually very helpful...I was thinking of starting all over (which would be a pain) and talking about my cousin/best friend's disease which causes her to have different physical features, and how it's made me be more accepting of others and realize that people with problems don't have to have limits. Anyways, I'm thinking of sticking with the original Chicago idea thanks to your advice because I think I know how to make it fit the prompt better.
Also, I noticed that you edited a different essay of mine and you seem to be very helpful and know a lot about admissions essays, so I was wondering if you could give me some insight on my current dilemma of deciding on a topic for the major essay
I would really appreciate it! Thanks!
worldbound10
Oct 18, 2009
Undergraduate / First Cut / Sister's eating disorder - U of M Essay [13]
Thanks for all the opinions. Surprisingly, I'm still going back and forth. I was all ready to change my idea to the second one (the book), but I started brainstorming and can't think of many ways it's influenced me besides giving me a new perspective on the medical field and giving me a passion for it.
I want to go with my original idea, but I'm still having the same problems. I know it has impacted my life in every aspect, but yet I struggle with explaining how so in the way that would be appealing to the university. I DO NOT want it to sound like a sob story looking for sympathy or with the end result of "I'm a stronger person."
Thanks for all the opinions. Surprisingly, I'm still going back and forth. I was all ready to change my idea to the second one (the book), but I started brainstorming and can't think of many ways it's influenced me besides giving me a new perspective on the medical field and giving me a passion for it.
I want to go with my original idea, but I'm still having the same problems. I know it has impacted my life in every aspect, but yet I struggle with explaining how so in the way that would be appealing to the university. I DO NOT want it to sound like a sob story looking for sympathy or with the end result of "I'm a stronger person."
worldbound10
Oct 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Hypomelanosis does not sound compicated to me!; UofM Diversity Essay [14]
Thank you for the help. As I mentioned above, the reason why I struggled with this essay is because I don't HAVE an experience. I live in a small, sheltered community where 99% of people are white and middle-class. This is the reason that I want to go to a school, like U of M, with a lot of diversity. It's obviously possible to appreciate diversity without having a specific experience, because that's my situation. So, yes, I guess people watching is my experience. I was just trying to go for the contrast that would help explain. I don't know how this experience will contribute to the diversity of the university...I have no idea what to write, so it looks like I'm in trouble. :/
Thank you for the help. As I mentioned above, the reason why I struggled with this essay is because I don't HAVE an experience. I live in a small, sheltered community where 99% of people are white and middle-class. This is the reason that I want to go to a school, like U of M, with a lot of diversity. It's obviously possible to appreciate diversity without having a specific experience, because that's my situation. So, yes, I guess people watching is my experience. I was just trying to go for the contrast that would help explain. I don't know how this experience will contribute to the diversity of the university...I have no idea what to write, so it looks like I'm in trouble. :/
worldbound10
Oct 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Can't imagine entering a profession not aimed at helping others; UM School of Nursing [8]
Is it really so bad that I need to rewrite it? I''m really in a time crunch so I don't think that's possible...anyone have any suggetsions on how to make it better without starting over??
Is it really so bad that I need to rewrite it? I''m really in a time crunch so I don't think that's possible...anyone have any suggetsions on how to make it better without starting over??
worldbound10
Oct 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Hypomelanosis does not sound compicated to me!; UofM Diversity Essay [14]
Thank you so much, Notoman! Very helpful. Yeah, I have issues with the passive/active voice and wordiness! I'll work on that.
Do you think the essay answers the prompt completely?(general question for anyone to answer)
I don't have any ideas on what else to write, especially since I'm already over the word limit.
Thank you so much, Notoman! Very helpful. Yeah, I have issues with the passive/active voice and wordiness! I'll work on that.
Do you think the essay answers the prompt completely?(general question for anyone to answer)
I don't have any ideas on what else to write, especially since I'm already over the word limit.
worldbound10
Oct 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Hypomelanosis does not sound compicated to me!; UofM Diversity Essay [14]
"We know that diversity makes us a better university -- better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan. (world limit = 250 words...currently at 300)
Hypomelanosis of Ito sounds like a complex thing to a child, but to me, it has always just been the disease that my cousin has. Growing up, I noticed no differences between the two of us. We were inseparable, always playing together and always interested in the same boy bands and Barbie dolls. It wasn't till I was older that I realized the complexities of her disease, as well as how much more serious it could have been. Hypomelanosis of Ito causes unusual patterns of de-pigmented skin and one side of the body to be smaller than the other; severe cases can cause mental retardation and seizures. I knew that Sarah had to buy different size shoes and that her face was shaped slightly different than most, but still, it didn't seem to affect her much. She is an excellent ballet dancer, receives good grades, and has plenty of friends.
As I've gotten older, I know that Sarah's condition has caused her many hardships. Other people don't see her like I do; other people notice instantly that she is different. She has had to have jaw surgery; all of her teeth removed and replaced with dental implants; and facial construction surgery, which included adding cheekbone and chin implants. Despite all this, Sarah can do just as much as the next person. Just because someone may be different and have some ailments or disadvantages doesn't mean they don't have the same capabilities as an average person. People are not defined by their misfortunes.
Most often, people associate diversity with ethnic background or socioeconomic status, but diversity isn't contained to these definitions. Diversity can include things like an illness, in my cousin's case, but it provides the same example as the more common ideas of diversity, like race or class. I have learned to be accepting of others because I know someone personally that is seen as different and has some shortcomings. Every person is different from the next, but how different are we when it comes to potential? As different as people may be, we are all capable of the same things.
PLEASE HELP me edit this...any suggestions for improvement?? This is a very rough draft and I know that it doesn't completely answer some aspects of the prompt. My main dilemma was not being able to think of an actual experience - I haven't been exposed to much diversity directly (even though I want to be because I think it's so important - one of the reasons I'm attracted to U of M). I didn't actually interact with any of the people in Chicago directly...I just enjoy observing different people. I don't really include how I will be able to CONTRIBUTE to the diversity of U of M because I don't know how! I'm also very crunched for time. Thank you!
"We know that diversity makes us a better university -- better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan. (world limit = 250 words...currently at 300)
Hypomelanosis of Ito sounds like a complex thing to a child, but to me, it has always just been the disease that my cousin has. Growing up, I noticed no differences between the two of us. We were inseparable, always playing together and always interested in the same boy bands and Barbie dolls. It wasn't till I was older that I realized the complexities of her disease, as well as how much more serious it could have been. Hypomelanosis of Ito causes unusual patterns of de-pigmented skin and one side of the body to be smaller than the other; severe cases can cause mental retardation and seizures. I knew that Sarah had to buy different size shoes and that her face was shaped slightly different than most, but still, it didn't seem to affect her much. She is an excellent ballet dancer, receives good grades, and has plenty of friends.
As I've gotten older, I know that Sarah's condition has caused her many hardships. Other people don't see her like I do; other people notice instantly that she is different. She has had to have jaw surgery; all of her teeth removed and replaced with dental implants; and facial construction surgery, which included adding cheekbone and chin implants. Despite all this, Sarah can do just as much as the next person. Just because someone may be different and have some ailments or disadvantages doesn't mean they don't have the same capabilities as an average person. People are not defined by their misfortunes.
Most often, people associate diversity with ethnic background or socioeconomic status, but diversity isn't contained to these definitions. Diversity can include things like an illness, in my cousin's case, but it provides the same example as the more common ideas of diversity, like race or class. I have learned to be accepting of others because I know someone personally that is seen as different and has some shortcomings. Every person is different from the next, but how different are we when it comes to potential? As different as people may be, we are all capable of the same things.
PLEASE HELP me edit this...any suggestions for improvement?? This is a very rough draft and I know that it doesn't completely answer some aspects of the prompt. My main dilemma was not being able to think of an actual experience - I haven't been exposed to much diversity directly (even though I want to be because I think it's so important - one of the reasons I'm attracted to U of M). I didn't actually interact with any of the people in Chicago directly...I just enjoy observing different people. I don't really include how I will be able to CONTRIBUTE to the diversity of U of M because I don't know how! I'm also very crunched for time. Thank you!
worldbound10
Oct 16, 2009
Undergraduate / In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU [10]
I agree with the others...your points aren't bad, but they don't really explain why you want to go to BU specifically.
I agree with the others...your points aren't bad, but they don't really explain why you want to go to BU specifically.
worldbound10
Oct 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Joseph Heller's novel Catch-22 - U of M favorite book [4]
This is very good...I like how you relate the book to yourself. I'm thinking of using this prompt for my U of M application, but I can't decide on a book! I wish I would have read more classic pieces of literature...it's obviously too late to read a book and write an essay on it in like a week! :/
This is very good...I like how you relate the book to yourself. I'm thinking of using this prompt for my U of M application, but I can't decide on a book! I wish I would have read more classic pieces of literature...it's obviously too late to read a book and write an essay on it in like a week! :/
worldbound10
Oct 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Can't imagine entering a profession not aimed at helping others; UM School of Nursing [8]
School of Nursing: Describe why you want to be a nurse. Include your specific experiences and abilities related to health care that will make you a good candidate for the nursing profession. Also describe your understanding of nursing's role in health care and how you see yourself embodying these roles.
Oddly enough, my favorite show as a kindergartener was "E.R." For all my life, I've been obsessed with the idea of hospitals, ambulances, medicine, and the like. I loved being in a hospital for doctor's appointments, for siblings' surgeries, or even when a relative was sick. At seven years old, my presence in a hospital equated to the joy of most other girls' presence in a Toys"R"Us. I would have been elated to help out in any simple way. Then, it was a feeling deep in my spine; a sensation that I belonged.
Last year, my cousin, who has a disease that causes one side of the body to be much smaller than the other, had jaw and facial surgery. While staying with her in the hospital, my childhood feelings became a reality. I was fascinated as I watched simple procedures like drawing of blood and re-bandaging, as well as more complex ones, like the placement of a PICC line, a central catheter inserted into the peripheral vein. I watched the doctors and nurses intently; interested in anything they did, from taking vitals to adjusting IVs. I admired their caring nature and gentle touch. I watched my childhood dreams come to life.
This year, I plan to volunteer at a local hospital to begin satisfying my lifelong urge to help out in a medical environment. My next step is a career in nursing. Today, with an aging population and an economy in recession, the role of nursing in health care is more critical than ever. Although I've considered various health care professions, due to my interest in science and the medical field, I believe that nursing is the best fit for me. It connects the medical aspect with the holistic approach of caring for a patient. Rather than treating solely the medical issue, nurses treat the affected person. This requires responsibility, which I exhibit through my daily activities, involving a rigorous academic schedule and numerous extracurricular activities. I realize that nursing careers are constantly changing, and my flexibility will accommodate this. More than anything, I am passionate and dedicated with everything I do, and I know that these qualities would be reflected in my role as a nurse.
Any suggestions on how to make this better? Please help me if there are any mistakes!
School of Nursing: Describe why you want to be a nurse. Include your specific experiences and abilities related to health care that will make you a good candidate for the nursing profession. Also describe your understanding of nursing's role in health care and how you see yourself embodying these roles.
Oddly enough, my favorite show as a kindergartener was "E.R." For all my life, I've been obsessed with the idea of hospitals, ambulances, medicine, and the like. I loved being in a hospital for doctor's appointments, for siblings' surgeries, or even when a relative was sick. At seven years old, my presence in a hospital equated to the joy of most other girls' presence in a Toys"R"Us. I would have been elated to help out in any simple way. Then, it was a feeling deep in my spine; a sensation that I belonged.
Last year, my cousin, who has a disease that causes one side of the body to be much smaller than the other, had jaw and facial surgery. While staying with her in the hospital, my childhood feelings became a reality. I was fascinated as I watched simple procedures like drawing of blood and re-bandaging, as well as more complex ones, like the placement of a PICC line, a central catheter inserted into the peripheral vein. I watched the doctors and nurses intently; interested in anything they did, from taking vitals to adjusting IVs. I admired their caring nature and gentle touch. I watched my childhood dreams come to life.
This year, I plan to volunteer at a local hospital to begin satisfying my lifelong urge to help out in a medical environment. My next step is a career in nursing. Today, with an aging population and an economy in recession, the role of nursing in health care is more critical than ever. Although I've considered various health care professions, due to my interest in science and the medical field, I believe that nursing is the best fit for me. It connects the medical aspect with the holistic approach of caring for a patient. Rather than treating solely the medical issue, nurses treat the affected person. This requires responsibility, which I exhibit through my daily activities, involving a rigorous academic schedule and numerous extracurricular activities. I realize that nursing careers are constantly changing, and my flexibility will accommodate this. More than anything, I am passionate and dedicated with everything I do, and I know that these qualities would be reflected in my role as a nurse.
Any suggestions on how to make this better? Please help me if there are any mistakes!
worldbound10
Oct 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Looking for advice on one sentence of admission essay [7]
The top reviewer's revision makes the sentence much more concise and less confusing/wordy. I started to edit it, and then realized mine was similar their there's, so go with that sentence!
The top reviewer's revision makes the sentence much more concise and less confusing/wordy. I started to edit it, and then realized mine was similar their there's, so go with that sentence!
worldbound10
Oct 16, 2009
Essays / descriptive argument essay about anything? [4]
It needs to be an controversial issue that you can take a stance on, and refute other stances. Good luck!
It needs to be an controversial issue that you can take a stance on, and refute other stances. Good luck!
worldbound10
Oct 16, 2009
Undergraduate / First Cut / Sister's eating disorder - U of M Essay [13]
My original idea was to go with the prompt: Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?
I was going to discuss my sister's eating disorder and how much it's impacted my life. I've gotten mixed opinions on this, and even if it was an okay thing to write about, I'm just having trouble getting it to work. I think it's too personal, and I'm worried it will sound like a typical family dysfuction essay, which isn't really what I was going for. Above all, though, I'm not really sure it fits the prompt. I know they're looking for a certain failure or something of the sort and how you overcame it. I wouldn't really say the issues with my sister and our difficult life has been resolved, and the third question really doesn't fit in with my topic.
The next thing I'm thinking of is: Tell us about a book you have read that you found especially challenging, stimulating, or provocative. Explain why it made an impact on you.
The book I'm thinking about is First Cut: A Season in the Human Anatomy Lab. This book really provoked a lot of thought out of me, and it helped inspire me to go into the medical field. Has anyone else read this book? Do you think this is a good idea? I'm just not sure that it's the right kind of book for this essay because it's not a classic piece of American Literature, and is focused on a scientific issue. I know that colleges are looking for you to reveal characterisitcs about yourself that would be appealing to the college, and I'm not sure if that would really come out of my essay on this particular book.
HELP, PLEASE! I'm severly rushed for time on this as I should have had it done long ago. The deadline is November 1st.
My original idea was to go with the prompt: Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?
I was going to discuss my sister's eating disorder and how much it's impacted my life. I've gotten mixed opinions on this, and even if it was an okay thing to write about, I'm just having trouble getting it to work. I think it's too personal, and I'm worried it will sound like a typical family dysfuction essay, which isn't really what I was going for. Above all, though, I'm not really sure it fits the prompt. I know they're looking for a certain failure or something of the sort and how you overcame it. I wouldn't really say the issues with my sister and our difficult life has been resolved, and the third question really doesn't fit in with my topic.
The next thing I'm thinking of is: Tell us about a book you have read that you found especially challenging, stimulating, or provocative. Explain why it made an impact on you.
The book I'm thinking about is First Cut: A Season in the Human Anatomy Lab. This book really provoked a lot of thought out of me, and it helped inspire me to go into the medical field. Has anyone else read this book? Do you think this is a good idea? I'm just not sure that it's the right kind of book for this essay because it's not a classic piece of American Literature, and is focused on a scientific issue. I know that colleges are looking for you to reveal characterisitcs about yourself that would be appealing to the college, and I'm not sure if that would really come out of my essay on this particular book.
HELP, PLEASE! I'm severly rushed for time on this as I should have had it done long ago. The deadline is November 1st.
worldbound10
Oct 16, 2009
Writing Feedback / giving more chance for women can cause some problem?what are your views? [3]
I would take out the part at the end of the first essay - "in this essay, I will give my reasons to support my views."
Your essay makes good points, but you might want to add a few more specific examples of things from around the womany rld, instead of just general statements.
Also, I find the last paragraph to be confusing, and I'm not really sure what you're trying to say.
Develop it a bit more and I think you will have a good essay!
I would take out the part at the end of the first essay - "in this essay, I will give my reasons to support my views."
Your essay makes good points, but you might want to add a few more specific examples of things from around the womany rld, instead of just general statements.
Also, I find the last paragraph to be confusing, and I'm not really sure what you're trying to say.
Develop it a bit more and I think you will have a good essay!
worldbound10
Oct 15, 2009
Undergraduate / Michigan Engineering Short Essay [3]
Very good essay. I think it is focused and good for a U of M short answer. The only thing I might change is the last couple of sentences - they seem a big cheesy.
Very good essay. I think it is focused and good for a U of M short answer. The only thing I might change is the last couple of sentences - they seem a big cheesy.
worldbound10
Oct 15, 2009
Undergraduate / 'my sister is bulimic' - University of Michigan essay topic [2]
I'm extremely nervous about my admissions essay for the University of Michigan because the deadline is November 1st and I am really struggling! The question I chose was: "Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?"
The first thing that came to my mind when thinking about admissions essays was living with my sister, who has been battlling bulimia (for almost the entirety of my life) and the impact that it's had on myself and my family. I've had a difficult relationship with my sister and I can't think of anything that has had more of an impact on my life.
I'm wondering if this is a bad topic to use though? Is it too personal or too heavy? I'm struggling with the writing, not sure how to go about it. I especially am unsure on how to answer how I "resolved it" because it hasn't been resolved... Also, the last question is difficult to apply here.
I apologize for the length of this post. I'm just really looking for some guidance!!! There were 2 other options I could choose for this essay, one about a local concern, and one about a piece of literature that I've read. I've thought about changing my essay topic, but for some reason I am set on this. Help!
I'm extremely nervous about my admissions essay for the University of Michigan because the deadline is November 1st and I am really struggling! The question I chose was: "Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?"
The first thing that came to my mind when thinking about admissions essays was living with my sister, who has been battlling bulimia (for almost the entirety of my life) and the impact that it's had on myself and my family. I've had a difficult relationship with my sister and I can't think of anything that has had more of an impact on my life.
I'm wondering if this is a bad topic to use though? Is it too personal or too heavy? I'm struggling with the writing, not sure how to go about it. I especially am unsure on how to answer how I "resolved it" because it hasn't been resolved... Also, the last question is difficult to apply here.
I apologize for the length of this post. I'm just really looking for some guidance!!! There were 2 other options I could choose for this essay, one about a local concern, and one about a piece of literature that I've read. I've thought about changing my essay topic, but for some reason I am set on this. Help!
