Posts by ayra4027

ayra4027

Nov 3, 2020

Undergraduate / Core Youth Team - UBC Application Essay for personal profile (activities that are important to you) [5]

@Holt
Would it work if I added in, after the first sentence, something along the lines of
'I was very grateful to be given this opportunity as this was an organization that I was very passionate about. I had volunteered with them in the past and had attended meetings but was now granted a higher role.'

And then continue on as before?

ayra4027

Nov 1, 2020

Undergraduate / Core Youth Team - UBC Application Essay for personal profile (activities that are important to you) [5]

@Gadflyyy
Hi!
I was reviewing my post and I just noticed I hadn't actually posted the second essay. (Haha whoops) The second essay is as follows: You must post a new essay in a separate thread (reminder: useless comments = ban). EF

ayra4027

Nov 1, 2020

Graduate / Electronics and Communication Tell us your story. What is importance to you and reflect who you are. [3]

The first paragraph (introduction) is quite wordy (i.e. it does not flow off the tongue). Consider changing it to 'Improving my life and the lives of those in my society have become extremely important for me. This is due to the fact that I have grown up in a middle-income family. I have thus adopted the responsibility of ensuring that I use every means possible to develop myself and use the skills I gain to give back to society.'

Overall your piece is really well-written. I wish you the best of luck.

ayra4027

Nov 1, 2020

Writing Feedback / Essay about the advantages and disadvantages of communication via social media. [5]

Third paragraph => Do not start a sentence with a preposition (in this case, 'because'). Instead, either reword the sentence as to diminish the error or conjoin it with the previous sentence.

Last paragraph / conclusion => Change 'does' to 'do', for subject-verb agreement; change 'remaining' to 'retaining', the former does not make as much sense in context.

Overall, this is well-written. Aim to include more specific examples every time you make a claim as it will gain sophistication in your writing and aid you in veering away from the sphere of the general.

ayra4027

Oct 31, 2020

Undergraduate / Core Youth Team - UBC Application Essay for personal profile (activities that are important to you) [5]

Tell us more about ONE or TWO activities that are most important to you.

Please explain the role you played and what you learned in the process.(maximum 350 words)

Hi, thank you for looking this over for me! The following are two possible responses to the above question, which is part of the personal profile for UBC. In the rubric, it is stated that they are looking for leadership, initiative and achieving goals, and a sense of self and community. Please be tough on me as I would really like to get in :). In addition, both of these essays fall just short of the word count, so if you can think of ways to fluff them up, please let me know. Also, please tell me which of these two better hit the points of the rubric.

I was given the opportunity to lead a team within the Core Youth Team which focused on establishing a sense of community amongst our local youth. I led a team of six people; my responsibilities included finding and booking a venue, planning the evening, delegating tasks, finding volunteers, and arranging for supplies and prizes. With a limited budget, it was difficult to find a cost-friendly venue. I did my research and checked in with multiple places, in the end I had to make a compromise and use a room slightly smaller than what we had hoped for. In discussion, I proposed an idea to the team- a game-show styled trivia night - but another member of my team proposed a better one. We saw the potential in his idea, accepted its advantages and decided, with the group's approval, to implement his idea instead. Everyone on the team was given a task that they were in charge of and we met up regularly to discuss how everything was going. The night of the event came and it was a complete success. We had a huge turnout. I gave a short opening speech at the beginning and while I was looking out at everyone, I was thinking of how proud I was of what my team and I accomplished. Through the months of planning and discussing, I believe I have really grown as a leader. I have learned how to handle unfavourable situations and make compromises, as well as how to put aside my own ideas and accept those of others when it was better to.