The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society.
Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Rising debate over whether social media is starting to become the norm for the large percentage of the population stirs up controversy over many experts. While many people believe this trend is a necessary innovation for the new era, the others judge that this development has eradicated the conventional ways of communicating.
On the one side of the argument, social media has brought many people the advantage of distant communications. The biggest and most apparent merit of social media is the fact that it connects people despite their physical bounds. By means of video calls, phone calls and text messages, people, such as parents and children, are able to keep track of each other even when they are nations apart. Furthermore, in the turmoil of the COVID pandemic that we are living in, these forms of interpersonal communication is absolutely favourable. Social distancing means that people cannot come into close proximity with one another, but with the help of technology, families and friends can now keep in touch and care for each other.
However, we should not be in the misapprehension that social media has little or no consequences. Firstly, the growing use of online conversation is not analogous to the amount of verbal languages being used. Because users have a habit of using abbreviated words on social networks, they are not able to communicate by formal sentences. Secondly, being online at all times while avoiding human interactions indirectly make the person develop the fear of real human interactions. As an example, most of the programmers chose to work from home, by doing that they avoid human interactions and eventually gets more nervous among people.
In conclusion, having made contrasts between the two opinions, I believe that the advantages does not outweight the disadvantages. Thus, we should have a way of incorporating the use of social media and meeting people face to face in order to maximize the effectiveness of the former, while remaining the traditions of the latter.Third paragraph => Do not start a sentence with a preposition (in this case, 'because'). Instead, either reword the sentence as to diminish the error or conjoin it with the previous sentence.
Last paragraph / conclusion => Change 'does' to 'do', for subject-verb agreement; change 'remaining' to 'retaining', the former does not make as much sense in context.
Overall, this is well-written. Aim to include more specific examples every time you make a claim as it will gain sophistication in your writing and aid you in veering away from the sphere of the general.
@chinhsy2
Hi,
I would like to share some of my comments to your writing
I think you have done a great job with this writing I would only make some suggestion on your writing.
Firstly I think your introduction needs to includes your overview on the use of social media, and how you think the advantage might outweigh the disadvantage, and make a brief statements on what your discussion will be in your body.
Secondly, start with a topic sentences and support with facts,make comparison with example and than reiterate your topic sentence, I think for every advantage there would always be disadvantage to the issues given, thus this will make up your paragraphs. And also in your summary I would suggest give your final opinion on why you think that through your discussion you have strongly believe to be true.
Thirdly, Always remember to use commas to separate ideas or linking clauses.
Finally, use formal words, for example new era would be modern era to make the tone of your writing formal.
I hope these comments will help you.
Hi, I found some grammatical errors:
- these forms of interpersonal communication is -> areabsolutely favourable
- the amount -> number of verbal languages
Hope my suggestions useful!
I feel like you did a pretty great job on stating your points on both sides of the argument. Although the essay did sound a tad bit too casual which is not that great if you are writing it for a formal situation. So I would recommend you to use a bit more formal wording in them.
