Posts by Alpha Economist

Alpha Economist

Nov 5, 2020

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] PARENTS SPEND TIME TELLING STORIES TO THEIR CHILDREN [4]

" necessary for offspring to be told stories by their parents as they can do it on their own" sounds awkward. Change that into "necessary for parents to tell stories to their children since they can do that on their own".

"There are several reasons why children being told stories by adults " change into "why it is unnecessary for adults to tell stories to their children"

" they couldn't enjoy the little remaining hours to relax" => they wont be able to
"some certain benefits" => "certain benefits" is enough. adding "some" makes it sounds redundant because "certain" already means "some"

Alpha Economist

Nov 5, 2020

Writing Feedback / The tax cut for parents, who send their children to private schools, is a practical necessity [5]

Hi, I believe we come from the same country :D

- What do you mean by "This supporting": Does it refer to the private education, the amount of tax, or the reduction in the amount of tax?

- " because of having several reasons ... I would change it to "because of the following reasons"
-" ~~The~~ Firstly"
- "one of primary responsibilities"
- "set up the equal policy" should be changed to "reduce inequality"
- you should rewrite this sentence "The minority of wealthy ..."
- "That prompt the social ...". This sentence does not have a subject. "prompt" should be "prompts"
- " ~~the~~ most of them "
-"Under economic view and I ..." This sentence is unclear. Maybe something like "As an economist, I disagree with this solution"

Alpha Economist

Nov 5, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Is advertising persuasive or not? [4]

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy thing. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

My essay, my goal is 7.0 at least:

Nowadays, advertising has become a part of our life regardless of viewers' opinions on it. Whereas some people are convinced that advertising can entice viewers to buy things, others believe that advertising is not successful in doing so because it is so common. I am of the opinion that advertising is useless and increases cost for the company without bringing in any benefit.

First, some people think that advertising can push viewers into action because constant bombardment of information can somehow manipulate human's mind. They believe that if a message is repeated again and again, it becomes the truth in someone's mind. For example, if BMW's commercial shows that drivers of BMW are successful, intelligent and good looking, then that image is imprinted into the minds of the viewers. Then, the viewers will become customers of BMW because their conjecture is that buying the car will make them successful, intelligent and good looking just like the drivers in BMW's commercial.

On the contrary, some people believe that the more a commercial is shown, the less effective it is. People are so tired of seeing the same thing over and over again that they do not care anymore and do not retain any information from it. To them, advertisements of cars, toys, or food look all the same - they do not even know what they are watching. The moment a commercial ends is the moment they forget about it.

In my view, advertising is useless not only because people do not pay attention to it but also because they have the option to switch the channel (if they are watching television) or change the website (if they are using the internet). If people do not like something, then bombarding them with that thing will make them hate it even more and they will just turn away whenever they see it.

To conclude, advertising is not so useful nowadays not only because people have become resistant to it due to its commonplace but also because people have the choice to get rid of it using multiple methods.

Thank you!