Undergraduate / The university application - writing about my personal qualities which describe who I am [5]

Hello, this is my university application, this is my first time writing this kind of writing. Hope you guys can help me with what I need to change to boost the strength of my paragraph.

1.

Tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why.(maximum 250 words)

I am most proud of the fact that I am an intelligent student and a good time manager. I am always stand in the top 3 of my math classes and also achieve a few prizes when I was in secondary school. I passed into a gifted high school in my country, Vietnam, and trained here for 1 year after studying abroad in Canada. With my time management skill, I am still able to spend my time enough for my study, my family and open many opportunities in order to deal with new challenges and develop myself. Besides, I have a perennial passion for basketball, I was a captain of my team in secondary school and currently playing point guard for my high school. Others say that I am a talented and well-rounded individual, I can acquire knowledge in a short time. For instance, when I just knew about guitar, I have enabled to play for three days; and now, I am a great amateur guitar player, know a little bit about piano and especially, a Rubik solver.

Writing Feedback / The experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life [3]

IELTS WRITING TASK 2
let me know what band I got from this essay.

Question :
Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

Humans will change by events they have gone over. Some people tell that students will be influenced by their experiences when they are a child. However, others say that experiences when they have grown up, especially at school, will affect them the most. In my point of view, both experiences have a huge influence on their lives.

On the one hand, kids tend to repeat behaviors from other people. For example, if we treat our babies softly, they will act the way we did for them. By contrast, if kids see their parents altercate often, they will become a hot-tempered person. In addition, playing puzzle or any toys help them develop their brand to become smarter when they grow up. Finally, the habits of children also reflect their personality and interests. For instance, a kid who plays with car models tends to be big on cars and explore them a lot in the future.

On the other hand, knowledge adolescent is taught at school play a very important role in their lives. Although teenagers were taught by their parents when they were children, however, they can develop in various ways. Therefore, school is where adolescents can be directed in the right way. At school, teachers create plenty of conditions to help improve their missing skills as well as develop their strong points.

In conclusion, in my opinion, children need to be educated in the correct way during the period from a kid to an adult because all of those experiences will influence what kind of human they will be.

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Here is my essay for IELTS TASK 2 I will take a real IELTS Test next month. Please help me with this essay, what score I can get?.