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The university application - writing about my personal qualities which describe who I am

xuanhieu2611 2 / 2  
Dec 24, 2020   #1
Hello, this is my university application, this is my first time writing this kind of writing. Hope you guys can help me with what I need to change to boost the strength of my paragraph.


Tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why.(maximum 250 words)

I am most proud of the fact that I am an intelligent student and a good time manager. I am always stand in the top 3 of my math classes and also achieve a few prizes when I was in secondary school. I passed into a gifted high school in my country, Vietnam, and trained here for 1 year after studying abroad in Canada. With my time management skill, I am still able to spend my time enough for my study, my family and open many opportunities in order to deal with new challenges and develop myself. Besides, I have a perennial passion for basketball, I was a captain of my team in secondary school and currently playing point guard for my high school. Others say that I am a talented and well-rounded individual, I can acquire knowledge in a short time. For instance, when I just knew about guitar, I have enabled to play for three days; and now, I am a great amateur guitar player, know a little bit about piano and especially, a Rubik solver.

BelsuSeyran 1 / 1 1  
Dec 25, 2020   #2
I am always stand...
achieved a few...
am was still able...
it opened many opportunities
These are what I saw from your writing. Generally if I were you, I would write the things that others say about me part at the beginning. Because it is what question mentions first. And after, you can combine with your own thoughts about yourself.
simonp00 2 / 2 2  
Dec 27, 2020   #3
Hello Xuanhieu,

I am new to this message board so please take my reply with a grain of salt.
I noticed that you mentioned very minimally on what others thought of you. I think, it would be best to perhaps expand or give just a little more detail on those things others mentioned about you and how they have made you grow into a better person.
navss 1 / 3  
Dec 28, 2020   #4
Hi, your essay is pretty clear but maybe it'll be helpful if you can discuss how you have grown as a person; the things that you have learnt. It might help in making an even bigger impression.
aylak77 2 / 3 1  
Jan 2, 2021   #5

Maybe think about including a situation you encountered with family or friends that captures a unique perspective on who you are as a person. Your academic achievements clearly displayed, however, there's nothing personal about you that's been highlighted.

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