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My motivation essay for Stipendium Hungaricum, masters program, bachelors in Accounting & Finance

sateeshkumar00 1 / -  
Dec 24, 2020   #1

Stipendium Hungaricum scholarship motivation

Need feedback on this motivation letter because i have to apply for foreign motivation

My father is a doctor, but I am not, because I can't see people dying in front of me. I chose finance field because saving people financially will save their medical expenses.

Being a selfless boy, I contribute to society in best way possible by blood donation or career counselling to my neighborhood. I do not desire for any appreciation in return rather I value what I get, should everyone get, like if I get education then everybody deserves education.

I recently completed my graduation from one of the top-notch business university of Pakistan that is Sukkur IBA University with majors in Accounting and Finance with CGPA of 3.05 out of 4.00. Along with that, I have also done 6 months Audit internship from BDO Ebrahim and Co chartered Accountants as part of my degree requirement.

I got certification for different online courses, namely:
1. Excel Skills for business (coursera)
2. Behavioral Finance (coursera)
3. Forensic Accounting and Fraud examination (coursera)
4. Introduction to Accounting Data analytic and Visualization (coursera)

I enjoy socializing, I served Students' Development Society t my university, where we introduced students with opportunities like internships and exchange programs. I was Campus ambassador of Read Pakistan, promoting reading culture among youth to develop reading habit which will help them to read and understand about every aspect of life. I have also participated in different events of my university namely, Dice Vic Business plan competition 2019, Hult prize business plan competition in 2018, Mock trade competition in 2018, Badminton and Chess tournament participant 2019, Neuro warfare case study and business simulation competition 2018. Also been volunteer in different societies like Go green society as Executive member, Sibacom 2019 as Logistics member and Fatimid Foundation as Blood camp volunteer.

I have been awarded for a few things, but they matter most in my life . I was awarded PM Laptop from Sukkur IBA University under the PM laptop scheme.

Along with serving corporate sector, I eagerly want to guide society with knowledge of Finance, Accounts and Economics without getting any compensation by doing part time teaching at college/Universities, conducting workshops and training on different topics like basic investment and finance in rural areas of my country so whole Pakistan could learn from it and invest wisely in the market to bring our country on healing track economically because traditional ideas of investment are outdated.

For me the Stipendium Hungaricum scholarship is a great financial aid to study abroad, especially in Hungary which has a long history and tradition in higher education, the reputation and the good ranking of the Hungarian universities will give me the opportunity to support my studies and let me do my best, also meeting people from all around the world will familiarize me with many cultures and increase my ability to relate to others, something that I believe is very important to improve my professional background.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,308 3991  
Dec 24, 2020   #2
This is not a motivation letter. This is not even a personal statement. I am not sure what you are driving at by writing this essay because it does not follow the requirements for the scholarship. The motivation letter, for a masters course applicant, must show a professional need for higher study. The motivation letter should explain, in a single page, within 5 paragraphs at the most, why you feel the need to study a masters course, why you chose this course in particular (in relation to your academic motivation), how the university choice fits in with your academic and personal growth plan, and what you hope to be able to do within your workplace upon completion of the course.

Create a plan of action first. You need to understand what your personal and academic reasons are for pursuing higher studies. Do not focus on the financial aid coming from the scholarship because it makes it sound like you are only after the financial aspect, rather than the academic and career growth opportunities the scholarship offers. Clarify why you believe Hungary can provide you with the best education, at a specific university, that can help you advance your career and create career options for yourself.

This essay is not helpful to your application. It not useful. You should not use this for any scholarship application. It does not contain information vital to the reviewer looking for proper motivational reasons on your part for higher studies.
xuanhieu2611 2 / 2  
Dec 24, 2020   #3
Hi, I think your essay is well written. However, you need to correct your vocabulary and grammar.
- should be "in the best way"
- you need "a" before CGPA
- you need "the" before Student's Development
- introduced students with opportunities, "with" should be replaced by "to"
- reading habit need to add "s" at the end OR add "the" in front.
And so on ......

I edited your essay here.
azulamikaelson 2 / 3  
Dec 29, 2020   #4
Hi, I have one suggestion that is instead of listing your achievements numerically you could get into more details about it and what skills have you got from it

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