RAJVEERSODHI
Jan 21, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS: People in big cities are facing many health challenges due to a high level of air pollution [3]
Hi! Your essay seems well written and shows a respectable grip on the language. However, there are a few instances where you falter.
For example, I believe you mean "controversial and serious" instead of "controversially serious". Similarly, in the same sentence, "affected" should follow "significantly", instead of how you've written it. In the first sentence of the second paragraph, change "private traffic transportation means in big cities, such as, motorbikes, cars, etc," to "private vehicles such as motorbikes and cars". Instead of "that dispose" in the same sentence, you should have used "that disposes", because the subject of the question is the (singular) increase of vehicles and not the (multiple) vehicles themselves. There are several more examples which I suggest you fix - free services like grammar would help you get a grasp on the same.
In terms of content, I think your essay is well structured and has satisfying, although not impressive, content. I would suggest adding in a fact or statistic about the causes of air pollution in the second paragraph to make it more interesting. Remember, you would not be marked negatively if the fact/statistic in question is made up.
I wish you the best of luck!
Hi! Your essay seems well written and shows a respectable grip on the language. However, there are a few instances where you falter.
For example, I believe you mean "controversial and serious" instead of "controversially serious". Similarly, in the same sentence, "affected" should follow "significantly", instead of how you've written it. In the first sentence of the second paragraph, change "private traffic transportation means in big cities, such as, motorbikes, cars, etc," to "private vehicles such as motorbikes and cars". Instead of "that dispose" in the same sentence, you should have used "that disposes", because the subject of the question is the (singular) increase of vehicles and not the (multiple) vehicles themselves. There are several more examples which I suggest you fix - free services like grammar would help you get a grasp on the same.
In terms of content, I think your essay is well structured and has satisfying, although not impressive, content. I would suggest adding in a fact or statistic about the causes of air pollution in the second paragraph to make it more interesting. Remember, you would not be marked negatively if the fact/statistic in question is made up.
I wish you the best of luck!