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IELTS: People in big cities are facing many health challenges due to a high level of air pollution

minhhg 1 / -  
Jan 20, 2021   #1

IELTS writing task 2 Academic

Topic: People in big cities are facing many health challenges due to a high level of air pollution. What causes air pollution in big cities? Can you suggest some ways to deal with this situation?

Air pollution has come one of the most controversially serious problems, and has affected significantly community health in many big cities throughout the world. This essay will give some major causes that have make our atmosphere more and more contaminated, and also will propose some solutions to handle the problems of air contamination in big cities.

One of the important causes of air pollution is the significant increase of private traffic transportation means in big cities, such as, motorbikes, cars, etc, that dispose a large amount of carbon dioxide and other poisonous gases affecting directly to the atmosphere, resulting in air contamination. Another factor that is determined widely is the development of construction activities. These construction activities could generate huge amount of dusks at low atmosphere level that affects directly living environment of people. This problem has become more popular in big cities of developing countries in which demands on building infrastructure systems and high buildings are increasing dramatically in recent years. Additionally, a number of people living in big cities has become more crowded for their living and working demands, resulting in discharging wastes and rubbish that could produce greenhouse gases into the air.

In order to solve these problems caused by the factors mentioned above, there are some following beneficial solutions. Firstly, government should have specific strategies to reduce private transportation types such as motorbikes, cars by developing public vehicles and using green energy sources to replace fossil energy sources in order to reduce greenhouse gas emission. Secondly, the construction activities in central places should be limited to reduce the discharge of dusks into the atmosphere. Thirdly, implementation of tree plantation projects in big cities is also an important and necessary solution to refresh the atmosphere.

In conclusion, air pollution is still currently serious problem in many big cities throughout the world and this problem is caused by different factors but most of causes for this are from people. Solutions for this problem need to be implemented comprehensive and sustainable to make the atmosphere refresh for next generations
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,280 3982  
Jan 21, 2021   #2
When there is no emotion involved in the original statement (e.g. controversially), there is no need to state the topic in an exaggerated manner in the restatement. Since this has to be an academic presentation of the original prompt, you do not need to use sensationalist terms in an effort to increase your LR score. Trigger words (controversially) are not required in an academic opinion presentation. You were asked direct questions in the original prompt, these require direct responses in the restated section because your responses to the questions will be used to measure how well you understood the discussion topic, questions, and your ability to properly respond to the same. English comprehension skills must be evident in this paragraph.

You tend to use non-academic terms in your essay such as "etc." which reduces the C&C abilities of your presentation. Always bear in mind that this is an academic paper, not a casual blog or discussion among friends. Always write for your target audience who are, in this case, academics and fellow students.

Your causes and solutions paragraph have too many causes, but not enough explanations for each cause. The discussion is imbalanced. Use one topic or 2 related topics in the paragraph that can use the same examples and explanations so that the C&C score will not be lowered due to under developed explanations.
Jan 21, 2021   #3
Hi! Your essay seems well written and shows a respectable grip on the language. However, there are a few instances where you falter.

For example, I believe you mean "controversial and serious" instead of "controversially serious". Similarly, in the same sentence, "affected" should follow "significantly", instead of how you've written it. In the first sentence of the second paragraph, change "private traffic transportation means in big cities, such as, motorbikes, cars, etc," to "private vehicles such as motorbikes and cars". Instead of "that dispose" in the same sentence, you should have used "that disposes", because the subject of the question is the (singular) increase of vehicles and not the (multiple) vehicles themselves. There are several more examples which I suggest you fix - free services like grammar would help you get a grasp on the same.

In terms of content, I think your essay is well structured and has satisfying, although not impressive, content. I would suggest adding in a fact or statistic about the causes of air pollution in the second paragraph to make it more interesting. Remember, you would not be marked negatively if the fact/statistic in question is made up.

I wish you the best of luck!
vicz001 3 / 9  
Jan 22, 2021   #4
Your essay is really long (340 w), I think you do not need the 3rd ideas ( the "additionally" part), instead, you could give an example, which is super great and highly recommend because it makes your ideas deeper (quality is more important than quantity). my example for the 2nd solution ( I don't think construction could be "limited" so I'll change the word "be limited" to "apply some dust control measures"). construction sites could use wind barriers such as board fences and wind fences, which can control air currents and blow soil, to prevent the soil from blowing off-site.

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