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Posts by techmind20
Name: Noor Fatima
Joined: May 22, 2021
Last Post: Jul 8, 2021
Threads: 4
Posts: 7  
From: Pakistan
School: Roots Millenium

Displayed posts: 11
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techmind20   
Jul 8, 2021
Undergraduate / Farm work - MIT undergrad application essay [NEW]

Prompt: We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you.

Tell us about something you simply do for the pleasure of it

(250 words or fewer)


I'm the daughter of nature. A farm girl right out of a Disney movie. After a day full of schoolwork, house-chores, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians, I return to the lighter experiences of being by spending my afternoons in watering eggplants, cucumbers, berries, mangoes, and what not, and herding our farm chickens and goats in before the night falls. Hoeing vegetable patches and giving baby goats a much needed bath relaxes my mind and allows me to connect with, and celebrate, the mother earth. No pun intended but the fruits of my efforts taste a lot better than the market bought ones and sharing my harvest and farming tips-and-tricks with neighbors and friends has always allowed me to keep my relationships tightly knit together, especially during the eventful year caused by the COVID-19 pandemic.

Also, I have picked up a rather quirky habit during the quarantine period: watching documentaries about abandoned houses. There is something so fascinating yet hauntingly moving about dilapidated places, once called home, just left behind. My friends told me this is a weird activity but all of them watch such documentaries with great interest now. Time changes, I guess likings change with it.

Farm work requires fitness so late at night, I perform Zumba dance. While burning calories, letting my mind simply flow with my body induces a state of mental relaxation wherein I appreciate the beauty of dance and music and brainstorm the experiments I'd carry out in the kitchen the next day.
techmind20   
Jun 29, 2021
Undergraduate / "Is he going to be a theater major?" - Common App Personal Essay [3]

In my opinion, this makes a great essay. However, the quick cut-off to the point that you don't want to major in theatrics after writing about your theater experience in such detail just throws the reader off.
techmind20   
Jun 29, 2021
Undergraduate / "A discussion that has meant the most to me" Undergrad college application essay [3]

The prompt implies that the experience has to be intellectual. You mentioning that it was an academic discussion cuts off the very concept of this essay. Also, it almost feels as if you're explaining to the reader the topic that you're interested in rather than why you are interested in it, what appeals you the most about it, or how you work or will want to work on it.
techmind20   
May 26, 2021
Undergraduate / "The itch to understand" Personal statement college application - a topic of your choice [3]

Essay on a topic of your choice



Instead of inheriting from my parents a couple inches to add to my height, I inherited an itch: the itch to understand.
As a kid my playground used to be a jumble of old circuit boards, spare electric wires, and an assortment of broken appliances. I spent hours disassembling and tinkering with the amazing treasures I found lying around our garage. My childhood playtime allowed me to discover the irresistible appeal of imaginative questions which only inflamed my itch but I had no means to scratch it.

Since my parents were almost always at work, I grew up without guidance from any scientific role models. I never learned what it meant to do science, let alone differentiate science from science-fiction. As a kid, it was obvious to me a flying car was equally as plausible as a man on the moon. Not being terribly interested or specialized in physics, my parents would only tell me that my design for a helium filled car would not fly, they could not explain why, they just knew it wouldn't. At the dinner table, I would always lose the only chance to bond with my parents and since my curiosity went unrewarded, I learned to silence my scientific mind to avoid the torture of my inability to scratch the itch.

It was not until I got my hands on "The Feynman Lectures On Physics: The New Millennium Edition" that my perspective of the universe changed. Not only was Feynman a Nobel prize winning physicist with a unique approach to the subject, but his pedagogical capabilities were perfectly suited to my personality. When Feynman teaches, he does not just teach physics, he teaches how to think and understand. He helped me recognize that my passion wasn't for physics, it was a passion for learning, stemming from my itch to understand the workings of this universe.

Feynman's Lectures aroused within me the most intense feeling of elation I have ever experienced and motivated me to become the person I had always strived to be. Midnight boredom turned into midnight research binges that took me through quantum physics to the theory of Mind AI to the trouble in the South China Sea. Every article and book that I read and every question on Quora that I put thought into, allowed me to look at the world through new perspectives. On Reddit, my newly incited intellectual curiosity and scientific mind allowed me to connect with people from all around the world on a more meaningful level by sharing and gaining knowledge. I no longer found myself compelled only towards physics, but towards a goal: To relieve my itch by exploring through whatever means I had available.

Once learning became my passion, old concepts gained new beauty, the blues became a powerful medium of expression, and bonding at the dinner table became easier. Taking free courses on MIT OpenCourseWare and borrowing books from our seniors to learn advanced topics became a habit; Mathematics became a language rather than a subject. I rocketed from the shy kid who cried while learning about negative numbers to the one who ignited deep-thinking sessions in class by asking questions beyond the obvious explanations. The more I shared my individual learnings in class, the more my shyness withered away and the more I became confident in myself. Realizing that my curiosity no longer went unrewarded, my itch started to relieve.

Looking back, all this natural progression stems from one development - I learned how to scratch my itch by investing in not just a book, but in a new way of life.
techmind20   
May 26, 2021
Scholarship / Reasons for choosing Korea as study abroad destination [4]

You fail to respond to the prompt properly. You need to explain why South Korea attracts you as a place to study at. Is there a particular university you want to get into? If so, why specifically do you want to get into that university? And mind that you cannot just write that the university in discussion has a really good curriculum or is ranked in one of the top universities in the world. The university already knows it's repute and already attracts international students. What you need to do is make the university attracted to you. You can write about a particular professor whom you want to research with or a particular project that you want to participate in. But again, don't forget to relate it to yourself. Why do you want to research in the particular field? What makes the university that you are applying to the perfect fit for you to achieve your goals? How are you going to use your education for the betterment of the society?

I hope this helps. Goodluck!
techmind20   
May 26, 2021
Undergraduate / "My path to GS from running away from home" - Columbia General Studies Essay [4]

This is overall a really good essay in terms of describing where you come from and what you stand for as well as highlighting a growth mindset. However I believe that you could cut some details off as I believe that it can be really difficult for the reading to keep paying attention till the very end. In my personal opinion, i think it'd be better if you try to relate the essay a little more to studying at GS instead of coming at the very point of the essay prompt in the last two paragraphs. Try to avoid repeating that you had a toxic atmosphere at home and instead try to describe how this environment has helped you set a goal that you are now working towards.
techmind20   
May 24, 2021
Undergraduate / "My notebooks" Personal statement for undergrad college application [3]

Prompt: An essay of your choice



This essay is basically supposed to highlight what I do in my free time (these are not my extracurricular activities listed on the common app). Please critique this essay and suggest the changes I can make to it.

Section 1: As mysteries unfold on a dusky day in 1940s Paris, a new fine line can be spotted encroaching on Jean-Marcellus' very crowded forehead. Is Jean's dearest court Anne-Michelle the very murderer he's been in search of?

Interrupted by an explosion of colors at the foot of the page, I wonder why the layering of chronological events in my novels fills me with the very same happiness as the layering of color upon color, in an attempt to obtain the perfect mauve. As I flip through the pages to find a spot where the rest of the scene can be fit into, I wonder why the sketch of a face circa 2012 looks broody. Did she just come in from the cold? Is she unwell?

My notebooks are the places where I explore ideas through actions in addition to words.
Section 2: Can chickens recognize themselves if a mirror is put in front of them? Another, rather nostalgic, page answers the simpler question of the science behind popping of popcorns. Not two pages later is the result of a research binge on the fundamental particles that took me through quantum physics and somehow deposited me at a Quora post explaining the nature of reality. Now my notebook contains yet another quest to solve: If consciousness is supposed to be the fundamental basis of reality, why can't we control our bodies that are just empty spaces and quantum fields?

The bundle of notebooks on my desk is a collection of all the thoughts that flood into a mind that likes to question the very answers.

Section 3: ½ cup sugar -good, 1 cup sugar -not sure what way to feel about this, 2 cup sugar -BAD! (trial and error..). While trying to bake the perfect Mocha cupcakes with Espresso frosting, I take notes-of anything and everything.Although the end result of my endeavors is not always edible, there is something extraordinarily satisfying about the meticulousness of measuring out ingredients and combining them to form one cohesive unit. In the kitchen, I'm a scientist in her element.

My notebooks act as a blog keeping track of the results of my explorations through actions and experiments; reminding me of the fact that the perfect chocolate cake recipe is no recipe at all.

The three sections of these notebooks have been a hardcopy of my rather distinct personalities for over 10 years now. Apparently being a novelist, painter, philosopher, and a food scientist are worlds apart, in my diary however, all these side hobbies melt down to a basic life mission: To gain an understanding of the rules of this world through action, research and reflection, exploration, and experimentation.

Scribbling through the pages, connecting every piece of information I've ever collected; from the origins of language to the theory of Mind AI, I aim to make the world around me make sense. My notebooks, an epitome of my intellectual curiosity, are a constant reminder to look beyond the obvious explanations. By refusing to settle for a superficial understanding and refusing to endure the status quo, my goal is to be among some of the greatest innovators of all times, who left a mark on this world by creating new knowledge, technologies, and innovation. As of now, I substituted yeast in the batter of a loaf with Gatorade drink and needless to say, this is the best experiment to ever be recorded in my notebook.
techmind20   
May 23, 2021
Undergraduate / "Questioning the answer" personal statement for undergrad college application [3]

Merged:

"Not settling for the obvious explanation" Personal statement for undergrad college application



So basically, I posted this essay before and one of the moderators pointed out that it feels as if it's all about physics and I should instead try to make it about myself. However, I intended this essay to be about my personality, of my habit to frequently ask questions since the obvious explanations never satisfy me. Apart from that, I want to convey the message that I believe this intellectual curiosity of mine will help me work towards the advancement of mankind by allowing me to uncover the truth behind the workings of this universe that we do not fully understand as of now.

Although I've made some edits, I understand that my essay is not what I intend it to be so I'd be really grateful if you suggest me some changes I can make so that this essay conveys the message that I want it to convey.

Also, I believe that this essay does not go well with prompt Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application will be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Perhaps I can put it under the prompt Share an essay on any topic of your choice.
techmind20   
May 23, 2021
Scholarship / I was not selected and I want to know why! | Personal statement of KGSP/GKS 2021 [4]

In my opinion, the first paragraph of your essay could have been more unique.
"Clean buildings, fantastic scenery, ..." This seems to be just a vague description of any city center. Perhaps you could add more depth to it by adding an anecdote that leads into your essay describing an event or a particular scene that left a mark on your memory.

"It was tough at first, but I could ..." Unless adapting to new environments is an in-built superpower of yours, I'd suggest you try to describe how YOU made yourself feel comfortable to get the best out of your experience. In the end of the day, personal essay are all about YOU overcoming challenges.
techmind20   
May 23, 2021
Undergraduate / Write about an unforgettable experience in your life. Could you give me comments on my paragraph? [6]

"But deep inside [...] elapsed really slow." These lines are really vague and do not properly convey what you are trying to say.

" Although I made (...) for my mistakes." This line does not convey a good impression of you as a person. Why would you want something or someone else to compensate for your mistakes? In my opinion, it would be better if you try to mold it as a lesson learned. Maybe you were able to do better in your next performance because you learned from the mistakes you made.
techmind20   
May 22, 2021
Undergraduate / "Questioning the answer" personal statement for undergrad college application [3]

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it.

If this sounds like you, please share your story.



I'd be really grateful if you review this essay of mine. Please point out any grammatical errors and areas of improvements. Thanks!

The results of a midnight research binge on the fundamental particles took me through quantum physics and somehow deposited me at a Quora post explaining the nature of reality. Now I have yet another mystery to add to my work under process journal: if consciousness is supposed to be the fundamental basis of reality, why can't we control our bodies which are just empty space and quantum fields?

It is as if I came pre-programmed to question the very answers; to take it upon myself to one day answer the unanswerable. Pair this with an unquenchable thirst of knowledge that I inherited from my father along with a very crooked nose; I usually don't require sleep at 2 am in the night. I require an understanding of the workings of this universe. Scribbling through the bundle of journals on my desk, I connect every piece of information, from the composition of the color mauve to the theory of relativity, aiming to make the world around me make sense. Even when doing so, however, newer thoughts flood my mind. "Where do thoughts even come from?" Not two pages later is the newest quest: "Can chickens recognize themselves if a mirror is put in front of them?"

According to Bruce Lee, "A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer" and I suppose I look just that while asking more questions in our physics class than I can count: a fool. But seriously, why is it not possible for momentum to be hidden to human eyes like how kinetic energy can be hidden as heat? I have never been satisfied with the overly simplified answers that I get at times, "It's the law of conservation of momentum" for one. My journal continues to expand.

I believe my intellectual curiosity is a result of my childhood experiences which have fueled my passion for learning inside and outside the classroom. My playground used to be a jumble of old circuit boards, spare electric wires, and an assortment of broken appliances. I spent hours disassembling and tinkering with the amazing treasures I found lying around our garage, all while mapping my questions and discoveries on a journal. Looking back at this journal, I realize that my childhood playtime allowed me to discover the irresistible appeal of imaginative questions and their fascinating answers that has now become an integral part of my life.

Now, although my playground has upgraded to consist of edX courses, articles, researches, and experiments, I continue to apply my curiosity to all aspects of my life. From wondering "What makes us human?" to "What is computable?" my journal continues to grow and so does my passion to unveil our world's best kept secrets. As I make use of apps like Reddit to learn from people with perspectives different from my own, I aim for my journal and myself to keep growing with every passing day. By refusing to accept the obvious explanation and refusing to settle for a superficial understanding, my goal is to one day be among the greatest innovators of all times, who were able to leave a mark on this world because of their intellectual curiosity. Who knows one day I might succeed at cracking the code of the nature of reality but till then, my journal and I are a work under process.
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