Posts by phatpham332 [Suspended]

phatpham332

Jul 5, 2021

Writing Feedback / Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local foods is more environment [3]

Your essay clearly shows your carelessness in terms of many typing, grammar and spelling mistakes. I will just fix some of them:
"the determining factors"
"a notable example"

"~~With the environment's view~~"
Wrong word choice. It should have been: "From the environmental point of view"
With only these mistakes, I'm sure you'll have a really bad Gr&A score and your overall score will be affected severely.

"Moreover, Respectation and exploration a variety of foods ..."
This sentence really made me confused. Both its grammar and meaning. I agree that there is a link between food and international relationships, but that is in terms of food trading. But food eating? NO. I dont see any connections.

Remember, examiners do not guess. Please always remember to support your unclear points with a clear explanation.

phatpham332

Jun 7, 2021

Writing Feedback / People say that reading for pleasure helps people to develop imagination and better language skills [3]

If you look at the band descriptors for writing task 2, you will see the words "extend" and "develop". This means if you want a high score, you need to extend and develop your ideas.

Take your essay for example:
"It is much more effective... written by professional authors. (1)
Furthermore, books can also... they are absorbing. (2)
Additionally, books also... acquired by watching television." (3)
The three sentences talked about three different things, and there is only one to be extended (3). You may be good at brainstorming for ideas, but to develop and extend them is the thing that matters. For example, you can say why the point (1) matters or talk about long-term benefit of point (2).

Another thing, why could you say "books can also enhance focused attention" - there is no support or explanation, so the point is unclear. Remember, examiners are not expected to guess what you're writing, so pls improve your clarity of your sentences.

That's the writing style I was taught, so feel free to discuss if you disagree.

phatpham332

Jun 6, 2021

Writing Feedback / Parents or school? Who will teach children to be good citizens? [5]

Hi! I would like to have some feedbacks on your writing.
The first thing, I agree with Holt that you didn't make your position clear, especially in your conclusion.
Secondly, you should have increased your word count further. You will get a penalty for not meeting the requirements because you wrote only 236 words. I'm afraid that your score will be affected severely.

Thirdly, "~~a standard educational curriculum"~~ is not in the right order. It should have been "educational curriculum standards" or "standardized educational curriculum"
Finally, a topic sentence for each body is necessary to introduce the main idea of the paragraph. Although not strictly necessary, but the easiest way to improve your C&C score.

phatpham332

May 30, 2021

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Opinion Essay on Free University Education [2]

University education should be free to everyone, regardless of income.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes argued that all students should be provided with free higher education. I completely disagree with this idea, because I believe that it does not tackle the root of the financial problem students face but could lead to undesirable outcomes.

In my opinion, only deregulating tuition fees would not solve any problems of the financial burden on young people. The argument in favour of free university is often that it should increase access to higher education for students from disadvantaged backgrounds. However, I believe this to be a very shortsighted view, as it usually does not cover other significant expenses that matter for them. For example, the idea of free education simply not address the rising cost of living including accommodation, food, transportation, and other necessities. Thus, poor families may still not afford to send their children to university, even if they are not charged any tuition fees.

At the same time, I would argue that a free higher education system could cause unnecessary difficulties. Firstly, such a system would cost governments billions of dollars, which often means they have to raise taxes to make up for that loss. However, it is clearly unfair to impose this burden on taxpayers as they do not profit much from the education of others. Secondly, I also doubt that job markets can absorb the overwhelming number of graduates in every field that a free-education system may supply. Currently, many countries are struggling to address the high unemployment rate of those with a university degree, and free universities will only aggravate the situation.

In conclusion, while free higher education might seem like a good idea, I believe that such a system would be unworkable and largely pointless. (285 words)