ivyeyesediting
Nov 2, 2009
Undergraduate / "my mom" - Personal Essay About A Significant Person in My Life [2]
Hi Rebecca,
I think you're off to a great start here. I would like to give you a few major things to think about with this Common App essay:
-'Show rather than tell': Can you frame this essay in one event or circumstance, to 'show' how your mother is significant in your life? You might even start with Paragraph 3 (where you mention divorce). Did your mother share any words that had specific resonance--or anything that you can impart to your reader that really crystallizes her influence on your life?
-Streamline: Because you have limited space here, you can avoid generic restatements of the prompt. Dive into the story, the core of your response--and use the very limited space to showcase your ability to write and reflect on your life experiences.
Also, Paragraphs 1 & 2 are somewhat diffuse--can you focus on a few key lessons rather than all the many lessons your mother has taught you?
-Dig deeper: I really value how you have put so much thought into this essay, and obviously truly care about your mother. However, I think you can push your analysis a little further. For exampe, did your mom retire from teaching--how was she 'always a teacher?' How is she a teacher both inside and outside the classroom? Do you think 'teacher' is synonymous with 'mother,' and how does she exemplify that?
What kind of teacher do you want to be--what kind of mentor for your students? I think if you 'dig deeper' here, you can better convey the full impact of your mother upon your life to date.
These short essays can be challenging to write, but you're off to a great start. I say--keep going!
Brooke
Ivy Eyes Editing
Hi Rebecca,
I think you're off to a great start here. I would like to give you a few major things to think about with this Common App essay:
-'Show rather than tell': Can you frame this essay in one event or circumstance, to 'show' how your mother is significant in your life? You might even start with Paragraph 3 (where you mention divorce). Did your mother share any words that had specific resonance--or anything that you can impart to your reader that really crystallizes her influence on your life?
-Streamline: Because you have limited space here, you can avoid generic restatements of the prompt. Dive into the story, the core of your response--and use the very limited space to showcase your ability to write and reflect on your life experiences.
Also, Paragraphs 1 & 2 are somewhat diffuse--can you focus on a few key lessons rather than all the many lessons your mother has taught you?
-Dig deeper: I really value how you have put so much thought into this essay, and obviously truly care about your mother. However, I think you can push your analysis a little further. For exampe, did your mom retire from teaching--how was she 'always a teacher?' How is she a teacher both inside and outside the classroom? Do you think 'teacher' is synonymous with 'mother,' and how does she exemplify that?
What kind of teacher do you want to be--what kind of mentor for your students? I think if you 'dig deeper' here, you can better convey the full impact of your mother upon your life to date.
These short essays can be challenging to write, but you're off to a great start. I say--keep going!
Brooke
Ivy Eyes Editing