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Posts by lexmonti
Joined: Nov 1, 2009
Last Post: Jan 1, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 7  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / BU 3 words prompt- "PIN: Polemical, Inquisitive, Nocturnal". [11]

As far as grammar mistakes and sentence structure it is good. You are a good writer too.
I felt a little distracted when I read your essay because you talk about so many things, but it's kind of a style thing. You have a unique style.
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / 'Lessons applied to my life' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality--Olive [3]

This is for stanford intellectual vitality essay

In the summer of 2008 I made a new friend. Her name was Olive and she was ninety-two years old.

I met Olive in a nursing facility when I was training to be a nursing assistant. She was first patient, and, as I would soon learn, an influential friend. When I first met her she was sitting in her wheelchair writing in her calender. With each and everyday we became more acquainted with one another. I began to be familiar with her daily routine, her favorite shows, and her favorite things to do, and she began to warm up to me telling me stories and talking about how beautiful the magnolia was outside her window. One day she asked me to write a letter for a friend because she said she could not write. Remembering that she had been writing in her calender I told her she could and I gave her a few words of encouragement, but I wrote the letter anyway. On my last day at the nursing facility she wrote her name, number, and date of birth, on a piece of paper and handed it to me smiling. It was at this moment that I realized that I can make a big difference in people's lives just by words of encouragement.

I have taken this lesson and applied it to my life. Whether I am tutoring someone, babysitting someone, or just present when someone is having trouble or feels down I remember Olive and when my small words shone through her smiling face.
Jan 1, 2010
Grammar, Usage / metaphor for feeling out of control [7]

Maybe feeling like his fate was out of your hands. You may have felt like you could not control his destiny.
You felt like you were watching him in a car spinning out of control with inevitable fate.
You felt like you were watching him from behind a glass window.
I don't know. Maybe pick something that has connections with your life and other things mentioned in your app.
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay--I'm Writing a New Goal List [4]

Here is my Common App essay. It took me a while to come up with a topic, but getting my progress report in the mail has posed as some inspiration (you will understand after you read my essay). I feel like my "mistake" is vague, and it does not flow too well. I need an outsider's perspective.

As I sit here writing my college essays I am forced to evaluate my growth and development as a human being and as a student. As I ruminate on how I have changed over the past few years I find it difficult to tack down how I have become the person I am now. Because I am a compulsive list-maker, I make a list. I take a blank piece of paper and draw a line through the center. I label the left side "successes and things I am proud of" and the right side "failures." I look at both lists trying to find the experience that has had the greatest impact on my life, but instead I discover something more profound. On the left side I see a list of everything I enjoy doing--things that I have pursued under my own disposition and things that I am most passionate about. On the right side I see the things that I thought I was supposed to do to impress classmates, my teachers, my counselor, my parents, and the top colleges and universities.

I turn my attention back to first list: becoming a nursing assistant, photographing my aunt's wedding, taking my friends' senior pictures, working for my dad's business, relearning the piano, organizing weekly tutoring sessions after school, starting martial arts, going to the gym in the mornings, being creative, well-rounded, organized, responsible, honest, receptive, and reliable. These are things that are not well-represented on transcripts and I deemed them secondary behind trying to impress colleges by taking a full load of AP classes my senior year. There is where my failure appears.

The route of this failure, I think stems from making my friends' goals my own. By the middle of tenth grade I made friends who concentrated their energy in positive directions. My friends are the type of people who do pretty much everything they can to maintain a perfect application. Taking SAT improvement courses and attending costly forums, joining sports, and being in clubs not out of sheer interest but to put on their application. One thing I do admire is their virtually flawless academic records. They would take the most challenging courses and excel, and I saw and admired the tenacity that it represented to me and would represent to colleges. As I became better friends with them I began to mimic their style of accomplishing their goal of perfecting their application.

"If it is worth doing it is worth doing right." This is the motto my dad goes by and advice he has handed down to me and my sister. For the most part, I follow this advice with everything I do: If I am going to do a sport I am going to train all year, if I want to relearn the piano I will sit at the piano bench for hours, if someone asks me for help with something I will make sure they get the answer whether it is from me or someone else, If I am going to be president of a club I will be the best president I can be, and if I promise my AP US history teacher I will get a 5 on the AP test I will get a 5 on the AP test. But as was loading myself with extracurriculars, and AP classes it did not leave room to be the best I could be. Though I am excelling in extracurriculars, my mistake is now manifested in me struggling to keep my grades up.

What I did not know then but know now is that I could have been more successful by being myself and focusing on the my pursuing my interests. I was engrossed in trying to do everything I could to impress colleges that I lost sight of myself and my own interests. However, I would like to note that though I often struggle in my classes in the beginning of the year I usually pull through by the end, learning more than I know I would have learned by taking easier classes. Though I see trying to challenge myself too much as a failure I am glad I went through it. I will learn much more on the various subject areas as well as the extent of my capabilities, but the most penetrating lesson I have learned from this experience is to pay attention to my interests and pursue my goals. Throughout high school I have made other people's goals my own; I am throwing away my old goal list and writing a new one.
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "You are good at everything." - Stanford Intellectual Vitality essay [5]

You are both right. I didn't like the essay at all during and after I wrote it, it didn't capture the reality of the situation and I didn't really have confidence in it. It was sort of a makeshift essay. I decided to do regular decision so my essays were better. I also noticed that I did sound self indulgent.

Thank you both for your input.
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / "You are good at everything." - Stanford Intellectual Vitality essay [5]

Stanford students are widely known to posses a sense of intellectual vitality. Explain to us a time when you felt intellectually engaged.

What do you think? Any suggestions? And do you think this is an adequate response to the topic?

"It's not fair," my friend Natalie had once said to me, "You are good at everything."
At first I thought this was a silly statement; I know that I am not good at everything but I realize that I am good at many things. The more I thought about it, the more questions came to mind: What is it that makes me able to do the things I do? What is it that gives people the ability succeed in certain areas? And what is the cause of success anyway?

I certainly have not been successful in particular areas my entire life. I mean when I was born I was just as accomplished as any other baby, so how have I become the person that I am today?I have learned that the answer to this question lies in the random qualities I have inherited from my parents, the opportunities (both good and bad) that I have had, the words of inspiration that I have received from random people that have allowed me to develop into the person I am now.

As I write this now reflecting on the defining moments in my life I realize how easily I could have been swayed in the wrong direction. Is it fair that I found my way out? I don't really have an answer to that question, but I feel like because I have realized the importance of opportunities it is partially my responsibility as a contributing member of society to encourage people to help find what will lead them to success too. Whenever I see someone struggling I offer encouraging words, whenever I see someone with a spark of inspiration I try to stimulate it, whenever I someone eager to learn I try to teach them what I know.

Being successful is something we learn through our opportunities. Whether it is simple words of inspiration, a success, a failure, or a thought provoking statement like Natalie's, we are shaped into what we will eventually become. By providing people with inspiration and opportunities to succeed we will have more successful people and a more successful today.
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER ~ Hospital volunteer [4]

I think this is really good especially for a short answer.
From what I have read colleges like to see that you have immersed yourself in experiences like these. They like it even more when you have shown how you have developed because of them.