Undergraduate / 'women's basketball' - what most influenced you to apply to Ohio State [2]

Pls help me polish the one ,thank you in advance.

Attach an essay of no more than 300 words indicating what most influenced you to apply to Ohio State University (required of all applicants).

Princeton Review ever showed me that OSU's motto is "Open Minds" - which sometimes is seen as a "liberal agenda" - though with the word Liberal used politically. This motto attracts me to search more about Ohio State University from its history to ranking and recognition and from its academic settings to the students' life on campus. As a matter of fact, I am a motivated, outgoing individual trying to pursue an open-minded life. In this case, I believe OSU.

The faculty of International Studies is one of its flagships in OSU and the inspirational phrase ' study the world, and see the world' well matches my personal ambition specializing in contemporary global issues and regional area. My long-term objective is to become a professional, communicative politician who finds a suitable role within an international organization, such as UNESCO and UN, ideally with a specific focus on assisting people who have been displaced due to civil unrest, war, famine or other natural disasters. OSU is the place to be, an international hub, the epicenter to make my career goals a reality.

Along with providing a great education, OSU is a great stage to show my diversified talents especially in women's basketball. Ohio State Buckeyes women's basketball became this first Big Ten team to win conference championships during the 2005-2006 Ohio State school year indicating that I could exhibit my basketball talents to get more chances to be a team member in the women's basketball, thus interacting with people of different backgrounds enhancing my insights towards different life aspects and life style.

Therefore, I dream that one day I will walk in the halls of OSU's beautiful campus and I will be very proud to say that I graduated from one of the most equipped and well-rounded universities in the nation.

Undergraduate / George Washington U. professional, communicative politician [2]

dear kevin, I don't know how to start a new thread ,so I put my essay below. just look at it and give me your suggestions straightforwardly. Thanks .

Attach an essay of no more than 500 words indicating what most influenced you to apply to The George Washington University (required of all applicants).

I was deeply attracted by The George Washington University several months ago when I lived with my roommate who visited your university a year before. She showed me that your university has produced by far lots of world-class top professors as well as American politicians and capitalizes on its fantastic geographic location. Located in the heart of Washington, D.C., as opposed to the outskirts where most of the other D.C. schools are, GWU offers uncomparable access to a city rich in history and one that makes history every day. Meanwhile, The George Washington University has its unique major settings, special characteristic and advanced ideas in running the university as well as its multinational student sources from over 130 countries. Its learning communities will help me and my classmates to learn from each other, learn multi-faceted cultures, improve our communicative capability and enhance team spirit. The integrity that GW advocates in its idea of education is the basic necessary quality for a promising excellent student. This is especially true when I read the website showing how GW provides serious course assessment for perspective undergraduates and graduates. I was well-informed that Assessment is the collection and interpretation of information about what, how much, and how well students are learning. It is part of the instruction model of planning/teaching/assessing and refers to the assignments and tasks that provide information to improve the learning experience of current and future students. This sort of assessment is unique, which will give me more constructive suggestions while towards my future.

There are many extracurricular activities that interest me as well. Because GW puts such an emphasis on leadership, service, community and student organizations, students could stand out as a unique and inviting opportunity. As an initiator to organize a voluntary organization called 'Our Summer Vacation Trips' which primarily focuses on how to collect money for the students with excellent academic performance but living in an impoverished family, I was active in many community programs. I have been looking for a school that I can get involved with and learn from, not just to earn a degree, but to build on skills that will guide me in life. As a student at GW, one of my goals would be to continue practicing solid management and leadership skills through my work in the student government, various student organizations and as a volunteer. Also, my long-term objective is to become a professional, communicative politician who finds a suitable role within an international organization, such as UNESCO, ideally with a specific focus on assisting people who have been displaced due to civil unrest, war, famine or other natural disasters.

Therefore, I dream that one day I will walk in the halls of GW's beautiful campus and I will be very proud to say that I graduated from one of the most equipped and well-rounded universities in the nation.(478个字数)

Undergraduate / Bravely encounter difficulties - what has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way? [2]

Dear Kevin, would you mind proofreading this one as I am practicing how to write a successful essay . Thanks .

College of Arts and Sciences: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

My poppa always encouraged me to believe that it is not failures leading to successive achievements instead it is the spirit to bravely encounter difficulties leading to the successes. I, unfortunately, did not catch the true meaning until I read the book called < The Old Man and the Sea> by Hemingway showing the main theme that a man can be destroyed but not defeated--- Santiago's spirit and teaches a life lesson to the readers, the courage in despair.

Santiago is described "every thing about him was old except his eyes and they were the same color as the sea and were cheerful and undefeated". He has gone eighty-four days without catching a fish, but he never gives up. He always encourages himself to be strong, not to give up. He fights against the large marlin and that makes his shoulder bleeding. He still keeps on fighting because he believes in himself. He is a traveler in his dream. However, he is not lonely, because he has such an unbreakable will. As a matter of fact, this unbreakable will is the spirit my father showed me---- a sense of persistence and strong determination.

I applied the spirit or will into my real life when I was an exchange student in USA facing too many difficulties from learning academic knowledge with my American classmates to well-handling all personal matters using the management skills I learned from my host mom. All in all, I could still face many other life and study difficulties while learning in your school though, I will continue using this magical power---- unbreakable will.

Undergraduate / Hard work and persistent efforts will pay off [4]

Kevin, I helped my friend write this essay ,could you proofread it and give me some suggestions on it> thanks

In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

Before leaving for America as an exchange student, I held my stereotype of Americans. A year later, I not only have a better insight of Americans but also enabled my American classmates and the friends around me to change their stereotypes towards my country.

With respect to my personal life in America with my host family, the primary adaptation which occurred in my life was to become an independent person. In comparison with my life in America, my life in China was full of direct and indirect support and assistance from my family members. However, a year living in America, I began to manage my time on various aspects from getting up on time to finishing my assignments; from organizing my spare time and hanging out with my friends to doing volunteer jobs on weekends, thereby meeting more locals and having a better insight into American traditions, customs, and cultures.

Next, the second valuable change in my life was to realize that academic studies are just a small part of students' whole life. Behind the scene, the truth is that for most of the Chinese students, academic studies are much more imperative than anything else at all. I began, however, to think about following an advanced track that besides academic studies, there are much more matters in life. In other words, I put efforts into exploring my interests consciously rather than concentrating all on academic ones. Under this scenario, my host mom, who graduated from Georgetown University with a major in International Relations, came into my life. While spending one year with her, I started listening to the CNN World Service and reading internationally recognized journals and magazines. I have become convinced that a first level education relevant to world affairs would help me to gain knowledge that would allow me to pursue a wide range of possibilities. My career ambition is to find a suitable role within an international organization, such as the UN, ideally with specific focus on assisting people who have been displaced due to civil unrest, war, famine or other natural disasters.

Therefore, I look forward to the challenges and opportunities that studying in the American universities present. I value very greatly the chance to be a part of such a known institution as your university is, and I believe that through my personality I can add work effort and experiences.

Dear friends, would you take your some minutes to proofread my essay and give me some constructive suggestions on it . Thank you in advance.

Undergraduate / It is said that we learn from difficulties. This has been particularly true in my case. [4]

thank you Kevin, and this is another personal statement I wrote for practice but a foreign friend told me that most of sentences seems to be translated literally from my language into English and another friend showed me the second para seems boring since it is a list not very detailed focusing on one topic.If possible, how could I change the second para to make it more individual and attractive? thank you very much.

It is said that we learn from difficulties. This has been particularly true in my case. During my three years at middle school, I had to quit a couple of my main interests, including playing the piano as I didn't have enough time to practice. Focusing on academic studies was my major commitment and occupied most of my time. I had to put all my effort towards gaining an excellent score in the high school entrance exam as do most Chinese students.( If such study style was my general practice, I would not be confused with respect to digging out the true meaning of my life.)During that time, I stopped too many of my true hobbies and became unhappy and seemed not to (project) care about my future although I still did well at school. Under these circumstances, my parents (as successful entrepreneurs) helped me get out of this state of unhappiness and confusion. Also because of their consideration, they helped me see my future more clearly. They encouraged me to study in a well-known international high school with western-style education, which puts an emphasis on how to cultivate students with well-rounded development.

Starting a new high school gave me chance to begin a new life and start to fulfill my potential. During my 3 years at high school my main commitments and achievements were 1) the leader of the school basketball team 2) the captain of the brass band team 3) the captain of the school aerobic team 4) a main member of the school Guzheng team and participated in 7 public performances 5) initiated and organized a voluntary organization called 'Our Summer Vacation Trips'. This has been registered officially in the Charity and Relief Union in Ningbao City and we have organized a couple of large charity activities collecting funds for further charity work 6) the conductor of the school orchestra. Meanwhile, my academic scores, especially my English, has greatly improved and I managed to score a 7 overall on my IELTS test.

In addition to my academic performance in school, I fortunately found my true career ambition. While participating in the voluntary organization, my inner voice told me that I need do more to re-pay society by what I am learning and what I hope to learn in an American University as a major in political or international studies. One of my career ambitions is to find a suitable role within an international organization, such as UNESCO, ideally with a specific focus on assisting people who have been displaced due to civil unrest, war, famine or other natural disasters.

Therefore, I look forward to the challenges and opportunities that studying at your university presents. If selected, my hard work and dedication will bring honor to your institute and value to the student community.

Undergraduate / Hard work and dedication for my future: PROFESSIONAL GOALS [6]

Describe the environment you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and how this environment has affected or influenced your plans for the future.

My objective is to become a professional business manager who finds a suitable role within an international cooperation, ideally with a specific focus on developing my skills in project management and leadership, business planning, market research. However, my longer-objective is to apply what I will be learning to my real business(NGO for example) so that I will get opportunities to repay the community where I grew up by assisting the people who are homeless and the disabled with worse living conditions.

When I came back in Beijing from an American high school as an exchange student, I took several months to work for a local NGO in Beijing for the disabled as I did in America before applying for Undergraduate Studies. I do realize how these people need help and support from the government and individuals. However, I found some factors, which affect the further development of NGOs. First and foremost, there are less research institutes and specific groups to study on how to improve management for such people compared to developed countries. Secondly, lack of professionals who are truly interested in running non-government funded organizations is still a huge challenge to assist such people from rounded aspects.

Therefore, by focusing my studies on business, I yearn to spread my knowledge of business across the world and even go beyond by founding my own business for the people who need the real support and assistance.