Undergraduate / 'Building of human society' - Common App, topic of your own choice [2]

I didn't get at all what your Project Potato was - prototype for what? You mention fied potato at the end, a potato cannon - was that what you were building? I would describe it upfront so the reader knows what you intended to build. As for word count, be sure you use the words for something important you want to communicate i.e. a solid good impression of your qualification for admissions!!

Undergraduate / 'Obstacles and new beginnings' meaningful event in my life for University of Florida [2]

My childhood years felt short once I had accumulated a handful of friends.

This sentence is out of context!! It did not connect with the next paragraphy. And the New Beginnings title did not play out in what you wrote i.e. what was the new beginning? The example you gave - project "Animation and Simulation" was not clear - what was it? You only wrote about group dynamics and micromanaging - what exactly was the outcome? Was it good/bad/average?? Demonstrate and convince the reader of it!!

You never described a real obstacle, so your closing paragraph's first sentence came out of nowhere. Or was the obstacle learning a foreign language (in your third para.) The connections need to be more coherent, as well as of course the proverbial thesis statement and closing conclusion.

Undergraduate / People Who Have Left a Mark in My Life. My teachers. [3]

For readability and interest, You might want to make the three people who influenced you from different professions - one teacher, one friend and one... famous inspiring person. That would give a more complete picture of what influenced you than just listing 3 teachers!

Undergraduate / Moving Troubles (commonapp personal essay) [3]

Sorry that this may be too late, but I hope my feedback gives you some assurance that your essay was fine! How many times did you move?(you should say so in the first paragraph - and then tie it in to the next move - into college!)

Undergraduate / Common App. Personal Essay: 'Brookline Academy of Dance' - meaningful challenge [2]

Good description of your teaching dance! Are you applying to a dance college or what other subject? You can then link what you learnt from teaching dance to what is awaiting you next!

Good luck glady!!

Graduate / I believe that I can add value to your institution ; SOP for PhD in neuroscience [3]

ˇ Identification of molecular players responsible for specific neurological functions, WHAT FUNCTIONS?
ˇ Understanding the role of genetic variation in affecting susceptibility to neurological disorders, WHAT DISORDERS?
ˇ Understanding the genes and molecular pathways of neural circuitry, especially glial-neuronal interactions.

At UC Riverside, I am interested in the ongoing projects at Drs Dahanukar, Ray, Korzus, Fiacco and Stanley's labs. WHAT ARE THE PROJECTS?

THIS PARAGRAPH SEEMS OUT OF PLACE AND UNNECESSARY - IF YOU GIVE GOOD EXAMPLES OF YOUR INTERESTS AND WORK, YOU DONT' NEED TO SAY THIS HERE...

I wanted to work in research since high school and have strived during college to make myself fit for it. I have shown a good academic performance and have taken elective courses to strengthen my basics and broaden my knowledge. To identify my research interests, I did internships in several fields, each experience leaving some positive impact-

I WOULD SHORTEN YOUR EXAMPLES - IT READS LIKE A LAUNDRY LIST AND YOU DONT NEED TO REPEAT WHAT IS LISTED IN YOUR CV. SELECT THE STRONGEST AND ELABORATE - THREE MAXIMUM!

Undergraduate / Having tough Parents ; UCF [3]

Hi Ketura,
Is this a general question asking why you are applying to UCF? The second paragraph gives your background 9from Haiti) and how your parents hard work motivated you to strive (and presumably, apply to college.) The first sentence in the beginning paragraph sets a negative tone, You might consider switching the paragraphs, so you can explain why your parents were tough on you, and how you worked hard and grew strong enough to apply to college. Some mention of what subjects you like and why UCF would be most welcome!

Good continuation!

Undergraduate / The last 4 months have been an important journey for me; Readmission Essay [2]

Some mistakes to correct (and comments in CAPS):
1) the fact that I had done so poorly

2) always looked for hands out from others. IS HANDOUT THE WORD YOU WANT TO USE?? IT MEANS FREEBIES...OR CHARITY

3) The lack of these skills, as well as maturity was WERE there reasons

ABOVE ALL, YOU SHOULD INCLUDE (IF POSITIVE) YOUR EVALUATION OF THE COURSES YOU TOOK WHILE SUSPENDED (asked in second prompt and to be added to this section:) THIS WOULD HELP GIVE CONFIDENCE FOR THE RE-ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE TO DO WHAT YOU ASKED IN YOUR LAST LINE.

I immediately enrolled in courses at ********** and also began working at my local Staples. Being away for a semester and working while simultaneously taking courses at community college helped me learn the discipline and time management skills I so desperately needed.

Research Papers / Solvent to anti-solvent precipitation method; Description of chem-engineering research [2]

Quanny,
VERY LITTLE TO CUT OUT!!
I ONLY FOUND 2 POSSIBILITIES WHICH MAKE THE GRAMMAR WEAKER BUT NOT INCORRECT. SUGGESTED REWORDING IN CAPS!!

To further improve its dissolution properties, polymers-- Poly vinyl pyrrolidone,and Polyethylene glycol, and surfactants--sodium dodecyl sulfate, and Pluronic F38 were coprecipitated. Solubility test, dissolution test, High Performance Liquid Chromatography, and scanning electron microscopy were conducted to characterize the particles produced and the original AND PRODUCED particles.

Graduate / Speech Language Pathology Graduate School Personal Statement [3]

Hey Kelsey,
I found your essay solidly convincing. Only one small suggestion, which is to reword this sentence to be less self-laudatory. Wording suggestion in CAPS:

Through out my time as an undergraduate student in the Communication Sciences and Disorders program, I have gained STRIVED TO DEVELOP qualities that make me an excellent WOULD STRENGTHEN MY QUALIFICATIONS AS A candidate for the graduate program at ____________.