Writing Feedback / The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments [2]

The bar charts illustrate how the proportion of school children who learn to play 4 distinct musical instruments varied in 3 separate years : 2005, 2010, 2015.
Overall, piano, drums and guitar witnessed an increase in the number of students, while violin learners rate decrease over the given period. Notably, the percentage of children who learn guitar reached the highest amount among those instruments.

The piano and guitar saw a remarkable growth throughout the given time frame. Initially, the participation of children learning piano was at the highest percentage, at 12%. Thereafter, there was an increase of 26% in the final year of the period. Similarly, guitar also experienced an upward trend, the proportion of guitar learners significantly grew by 30%, which reached its peak at 40% in 2015.

Moving on to the drums, its percentage stabilized over the period at about 5%, after which climbed slightly to 8% in 2015. Violin learners rate exhibited an opposite reserve trend, decreasing from 9% in 2005 to 5% at the end of the period. Owing to the gradual decline, this proportion was the lowest among those who learned other musical instruments.

• 
  110d5d7967a8427d9.png
  

Writing Feedback / Are advertisement directed children?? (IELTS task 2) [4]

There are many advertisement directed children.

Parents argue that children are misled, while advertiser consider advertising a sourse of useful information. What is your opinion?

Nowadays, on TV, in the newspaper, or even on the Internet, a number of adverts are springing up all over around. It is argued that advertising is brainwashing children. However, some people are in favor of advertising as a great source of information.

To commence with, due to competitive markets, enterprises have to go all the way to make creative content to sell their products by attracting customers. Children and juveniles easily gravitate to eye-catching commercials, although they may bring nonsense meanings or even a scenario of brainwashing, some of which may lead to health harm. For instance, a large number of businesses are in an attempt to sell their attractive colorful foods to children, regardless of their ingredients, which may cause food poisoning to kids. In addition, to give an exaggerated account of goods, many videos are created with dangerous actions, which can easily make kids imitate. As a consequence, they will suffer from injuries or do damage to their health.

However, not all adverts bring wrong and bad information, but useful ones instead. They raise people's knowledge and awareness. By teaching viewers the way to choose products and distinguish them from fake ones, consumers are more able to make better shopping choices and take advantage of its benefits. In terms of technology, advertising helps people discover more about technological devices. For instance, my sister, who usually watches adverts on Youtube, knows how to use and fix digital gadgets in some cases.

In conclusion, although there is no doubt that some advertising is harmful to young generation, I personally believe in its benefits by providing helpful information.

(please rate my writing based on the IELTS band score)

Writing Feedback / In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. [2]

In recent years, the structure of a family and the rold of its members are gradually changing.

What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?

In the past years decades, the structure of a family and the responsibility of its members are greatly altering. There are some important changes that have taken place and I believe that these changes would have both benefits and drawbacks

In nuclear families, nowadays, fathers' and mothers' roles are the same. Unlike in the past, when men were breadwinners, who decided all the things in their house, by contrast, women were mostly housewives and they had to do chores and obey their husbands. In today's society, housework is divided equally so that males and females can spend time creating their own career paths. In the family structure, recently, couples are not only boys and girls but also two girls or two boys. Moreover, many modern families choose not to have children.

These changes have a load of effects on various parts of our society. In so doing, with the support of gender equality, women's pressure has been declining significantly. They turn out to be the well-rounded version of themselves, an independent person, as they can do whatever they want, earn their own money, etc. New family structures help young people enjoy their whole lives with their partners. They don't have to suffer from prejudice anymore. Furthermore, not having kids families makes young people reduce their pressure as they can spend time traveling, working, and so on. Nonetheless, this craze for not giving birth causes a population decrease as well as a lack of employees in the future, which is one of the problems that most developed countries try to tackle.

By and large, these changes can bring both a wealth of positive and negative influences on many aspects of life.

Writing Feedback / The idea of single-sex schools for boys and girls [2]

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools

It would be argued by some people that boys and girls should be educated in single-sex schools. However, others suppose that they had better study in co-ed schools instead.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some believe that children should attend separated schools. The first reason is to limit the feelings between them. Because of being young and lacking significant knowledge, they easily fall in love and begin to be bored with studying, which can worsen their academic results. Therefore, by attending single-sex schools, there is little chance for their early relationships. Another reason is that separated schools help them to develop totally in each gender. Schools can organize suitable occasions and celebrations for boys or girls which not only help them to develop themselves but also make friends with others.

On the other hand, in my point of view, I would agree that boys and girls benefit more from studying in mixed schools. Firstly, children are more able to make friends of every gender and likely become to be friendly and energetic. They can find a suitable person to play with, for example, not every boys like to play sports but dolls. Moreover, they can access many activities which provide them with knowledge about sexuality. They would care more about gender inequality and have a better understanding of themselves as well as others. Children also can find their real sexual orientation and live with their best version.

In conclusion, although some people think that boys and girls should study in different schools, I personally believe that they had better be educated in co-ed schools.