Are advertisement directed children?? (IELTS task 2)

There are many advertisement directed children.

Parents argue that children are misled, while advertiser consider advertising a sourse of useful information. What is your opinion?

Nowadays, on TV, in the newspaper, or even on the Internet, a number of adverts are springing up all over around. It is argued that advertising is brainwashing children. However, some people are in favor of advertising as a great source of information.

To commence with, due to competitive markets, enterprises have to go all the way to make creative content to sell their products by attracting customers. Children and juveniles easily gravitate to eye-catching commercials, although they may bring nonsense meanings or even a scenario of brainwashing, some of which may lead to health harm. For instance, a large number of businesses are in an attempt to sell their attractive colorful foods to children, regardless of their ingredients, which may cause food poisoning to kids. In addition, to give an exaggerated account of goods, many videos are created with dangerous actions, which can easily make kids imitate. As a consequence, they will suffer from injuries or do damage to their health.

However, not all adverts bring wrong and bad information, but useful ones instead. They raise people's knowledge and awareness. By teaching viewers the way to choose products and distinguish them from fake ones, consumers are more able to make better shopping choices and take advantage of its benefits. In terms of technology, advertising helps people discover more about technological devices. For instance, my sister, who usually watches adverts on Youtube, knows how to use and fix digital gadgets in some cases.

In conclusion, although there is no doubt that some advertising is harmful to young generation, I personally believe in its benefits by providing helpful information.

(please rate my writing based on the IELTS band score)

The examiner does not care about the opinion of other people. You are being asked to state your opinion. You did not do that. You have not completed the writer's opinion sentence in that paragraph. You will not get a complete or passing score for that presentation person.

As far as the topic restatement goes, the early part of the discussion does not align itself with the original discussion. You do not properly restate that portion in a manner that actually shows a good restatement. Your basis for the discussion is therefore weak and not properly targeted based on expectations. This is the main problem that you have not been able to fix over the past 3 essays you have written.

@thaoly2007
Your overview : To show the reader your perspectives at the beginning and not simply merely paraphrase the question, regarding your summary, you should write precisely which qualities you are going to address two paragraphs below.

Thank you for reading; that is just my opinion.

@thaoly2007
Your paraphrasing in the introduction part is good, but there is not your opinion. That is a crucial point of this essay. That leads to your essay did not come to a specific conclusion. When you follow an idea, you had better write the paragraph supporting the idea longer than others.

Thanks for reading.